Husband wants to dictate what happens with property I’m set to inherit

[Anonymous]

OP This is not his decision it is yours.

You work, why in the world is he even involved. Ladies take control of your lives.

Otherwise divorce him,

[Anonymous]

Death can really bring out the worst in spouses. Ultimately you need to do what you want and DH needs to accept the situation. If your voice is lost in this conversation, it will become a sticking point in the relationship. Your DH needs to accept that some things are entirely your call.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t get a veto in this scenario. Don’t cave.

[Anonymous]

Try to buy out your struggling sibling. Usually someone struggling will take a cash offer. But if he plans to live there you will be in a sticky situation with the family regardless.

[Anonymous]

Remove DH's wishes from this equation. And your Father's wishes (except for what's legally written in a will)

Time to grow up Op. What do you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t get a veto in this scenario. Don’t cave.

+1. I know what you mean about having a special place for you, your children and siblings to go back to—where everybody knows your name and remembers your family. Our family home in Hawaii is like that. It is a real loss to let it go without a damn good reason for doing so. I’d fix it up and rent it before selling. Your husband is envious and out of line.

[Anonymous]

OP I’m attached to a similar place. Never give it up. Have a special account for it and enjoy it without your husband as much as you can. I suspect he doesn’t want you going off without him. That’s his problem. A place so important to your soul is not negotiable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the good suggestions.

I like the idea of setting aside other money I inherit and using that to pay for the minimal upkeep. We aren’t wealthy and this is a really basic cabin; it’s just in a beautiful location and surrounded by many dear old family friends.

The cabin has been jointly owned by siblings in our family for many decades with no major issues. The problem now is that one of my siblings has struggled in life and made unfortunate choices. My husband is worried about the legal implications of owning a property with this sibling. For example, if they were to be sued by someone, could the cabin be seized to settle a lawsuit? I don’t know how this works. I probably need to speak to a lawyer about this aspect.

What is up with the sibling? Are they on drugs? Or just bad with money? Whatever the situation may be with sibling, I think you absolutely should talk to a lawyer and figure out a good solution if you want to own it with siblings. Put everything in writing where all three of you are party to the agreement. Leave nothing up to chance. Protect yourself. What happens if you pay for maintenance and then sibling decides to "just crash for a while" in the cabin? And talk to your husband more. Do you normally have a blind spot when it comes to the sibling? Or is husband usually a jerk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the good suggestions.

I like the idea of setting aside other money I inherit and using that to pay for the minimal upkeep. We aren’t wealthy and this is a really basic cabin; it’s just in a beautiful location and surrounded by many dear old family friends.

The cabin has been jointly owned by siblings in our family for many decades with no major issues. The problem now is that one of my siblings has struggled in life and made unfortunate choices. My husband is worried about the legal implications of owning a property with this sibling. For example, if they were to be sued by someone, could the cabin be seized to settle a lawsuit? I don’t know how this works. I probably need to speak to a lawyer about this aspect.

What is up with the sibling? Are they on drugs? Or just bad with money? Whatever the situation may be with sibling, I think you absolutely should talk to a lawyer and figure out a good solution if you want to own it with siblings. Put everything in writing where all three of you are party to the agreement. Leave nothing up to chance. Protect yourself. What happens if you pay for maintenance and then sibling decides to "just crash for a while" in the cabin? And talk to your husband more. Do you normally have a blind spot when it comes to the sibling? Or is husband usually a jerk?

I think this is the smart move, and a good compromise with your husband. His concerns are valid, but if you work out a clear, legally binding plan with the other siblings, then you've addressed his concern. It may still not be his preference, but he can't claim it's a bad financial decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try to buy out your struggling sibling. Usually someone struggling will take a cash offer. But if he plans to live there you will be in a sticky situation with the family regardless.

And them the sibling will be forever telling people how they were ripped off and cheated of their inheritance after they spend the cash. It's a no win.

[Anonymous]

OP keeping real estate is a pain. The upkeep, taxes and having to buyout your siblings probably won't be worth it. Your husband has also given you a big red flag, don't ignore that. Sell the property, and put your proceeds in a separate account. Do not co-mingle with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Ditch the DH. Keep the cabin. Problem solved. Seriously, it's your cabin, your family, you'd only have to pay 1/3 of the upkeep, and you are employed. If he doesn't like going there, he can stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a more accurate description would be that your husbands wants some say in whether your joint funds are used to maintain this cabin.

I kind of agree with this. If this were a SAHM with a working father about to inherit a joint family property, most here on DCUM would side with the wife that even as a SAHM, it is still joint money that they are spending and she should still have a say in it. It's always telling that DCUM being like 80-90% female always takes the wife's position and doesn't see the hypocrisy when the genders are flipped and their solutions flip, too.

OP--does this family property come with inheritance money as well? If so, then I would make sure to set up the property and inheritance cash in separate accounts that are only in your name, and not joint. Then you can pay for your 1/3 of the upkeep of the property from the inheritance funds and keep that all distinct from marital funds. This is the best way to handle it. If you invest marital funds, then your husband does have a say in the property and you need to come up with a way to reconcile using joint marital funds towards the property that is yours and not jointly owned. That's the best option. If you don't get any inheritance money along with the property, then it becomes harder as you would have to come to some sort of agreement with your husband. Perhaps you can set a cap to the amount of money that goes annually to the property so that he doesn't feel that the cabin will become a suck on your joint resources and prevent the two of you from enjoying your retirement. He is semi-retired and already looking at a lower income. When you retire, you'll also have a lower income. His position is reasonable that he doesn't want joint money, especially as you near your golden years with lower income, to be spent on the property that he has no interest from and doesn't enjoy.

I am a wife who works but am definitely not the breadwinner, and I even agree that this is so true. +1 on all of the suggestions to talk with an attorney and use inheritance money to maintain the cabin if your husband is not on board.

[Anonymous]

Definitely talk to and plan with the siblings BEFORE anything happens. See if everyone is on the same page about owning and maintaining it. I would suggest having a separate account for the property where all siblings contribute ahead of time (or other inheritance money is kept) so you know funds are there for upkeep and expenses. Agree on a calendar of use so everything is fair. My cousins share a home and they all pick their weeks to stay in advance. The two sisters are especially close and often pick adjoining weeks and stay together for the combined time.

And it's fine to remind your husband that this property means a great deal to you and you plan to enjoy it alone if you have to. Discuss the financial plans you have and he'll have no excuses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep the cabin, ditch the husband.

This. I couldn’t live the rest of the only life I have with someone who makes such demands of me.