Husband wants to dictate what happens with property I’m set to inherit

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t get to dictate this. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the good suggestions.

I like the idea of setting aside other money I inherit and using that to pay for the minimal upkeep. We aren’t wealthy and this is a really basic cabin; it’s just in a beautiful location and surrounded by many dear old family friends.

The cabin has been jointly owned by siblings in our family for many decades with no major issues. The problem now is that one of my siblings has struggled in life and made unfortunate choices. My husband is worried about the legal implications of owning a property with this sibling. For example, if they were to be sued by someone, could the cabin be seized to settle a lawsuit? I don’t know how this works. I probably need to speak to a lawyer about this aspect.

I think you and the functional sibling should buy out the dysfunctional sibling. You can’t afford that kind of liability’s be I agree with others who say she/he will end up living in it on your dime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want to keep the house and it sounds like you can afford to, so keep it.

I will say that owning real estate with siblings can be messy.

I posted this but I’ve now read the entire thread. If you’re talking about marital assets to a substantial degree being used for the upkeep, I agree that your husband should have a say. Hopefully you are also getting some cash inheritance and you can put some of that aside. If you have to use marital assets, well then that really depends on your situation financially.

[Anonymous]

Your parents are living, and the question of ownership looks like it's going to cause problems with your spouse and your troubled sibling as well potentially. The consultation with the attorney should include your parents if possible. Optimally if consistent with their wishes, their will can give you cover with your sibling and spouse. Maybe that means a small trust to maintain the house, maybe it means that the troubled sibling gets cash instead of the cabin.

[Anonymous]

OP here. So much good advice (even when it’s conflicting) in this thread. I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to about this so I really appreciate you giving me your thoughts.

To answer the question about “dysfunctional sibling”: didn’t graduate from HS, works in a job where physical confrontations are not uncommon (bouncer at a bar), has been charged after assaulting unruly patrons a few times (never convicted), but is unfailingly loyal to me and is the most attached of all of us to the cabin and would never accept a buyout due to sentimental attachment. But probably won’t always be able to contribute to maintenance due to cash flow challenges. I don’t think we’d have to worry about sib living in the cabin, as it has no heat or A/C.

My husband is like, “I do not want to own property with or be legally bound to your sibling in any way,” and I get that. However I think if it’s an inheritance, my husband is not legally bound in any way. It’s my risk to take that everything will work out.

[Anonymous]

^^OP here— and the idea of using inheritance money for upkeep is brilliant, instead of using marital assets. Unfortunately my husband believes that all assets, even inherited, are shared....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^OP here— and the idea of using inheritance money for upkeep is brilliant, instead of using marital assets. Unfortunately my husband believes that all assets, even inherited, are shared....

Depending on your state this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the cabin, ditch the husband.

This, you are working, no kids. If he has a money issue, tell him to get back to work.

+1 and I say this as someone who had zero attachment to family property and therefore didn’t mind selling it. But you clearly love the place. We have so few attachments in this modern life, you should hold on to the ones you have with all your might. You can’t replace that feeling of permanence even if you had $1m to buy a new vacation home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^OP here— and the idea of using inheritance money for upkeep is brilliant, instead of using marital assets. Unfortunately my husband believes that all assets, even inherited, are shared....

Depending on your state this is true.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So much good advice (even when it’s conflicting) in this thread. I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to about this so I really appreciate you giving me your thoughts.

To answer the question about “dysfunctional sibling”: didn’t graduate from HS, works in a job where physical confrontations are not uncommon (bouncer at a bar), has been charged after assaulting unruly patrons a few times (never convicted), but is unfailingly loyal to me and is the most attached of all of us to the cabin and would never accept a buyout due to sentimental attachment. But probably won’t always be able to contribute to maintenance due to cash flow challenges. I don’t think we’d have to worry about sib living in the cabin, as it has no heat or A/C.

My husband is like, “I do not want to own property with or be legally bound to your sibling in any way,” and I get that. However I think if it’s an inheritance, my husband is not legally bound in any way. It’s my risk to take that everything will work out.

If you don't buy out that sibling, what if they move into cabin due to inability to maintain their own rent. Man, you should buy them out asap. Call a lawyer to get a deed drawn up, and a check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So much good advice (even when it’s conflicting) in this thread. I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to about this so I really appreciate you giving me your thoughts.

To answer the question about “dysfunctional sibling”: didn’t graduate from HS, works in a job where physical confrontations are not uncommon (bouncer at a bar), has been charged after assaulting unruly patrons a few times (never convicted), but is unfailingly loyal to me and is the most attached of all of us to the cabin and would never accept a buyout due to sentimental attachment. But probably won’t always be able to contribute to maintenance due to cash flow challenges. I don’t think we’d have to worry about sib living in the cabin, as it has no heat or A/C.

My husband is like, “I do not want to own property with or be legally bound to your sibling in any way,” and I get that. However I think if it’s an inheritance, my husband is not legally bound in any way. It’s my risk to take that everything will work out.

If you don't buy out that sibling, what if they move into cabin due to inability to maintain their own rent. Man, you should buy them out asap. Call a lawyer to get a deed drawn up, and a check.

They won’t accept it. They would never sell.

[Anonymous]

If joint funds are used for ANYTHING regarding this property, it becomes marital property. (This applies to bouncer sibling and other sibling too.)

Of course it's different if say, OP pays for one repair job out of a joint checking account (easy enough to reconcile plus interest in case of divorce) as opposed to OP paying property taxes and other maintenance for years from joint accounts. Also sweat equity counts too - while DH changing a light bulb doesn't entitle him to anything, DH being made to say paint the whole cabin or repair the roof on his own time and not being paid to do so may well entitle him to some share of this asset.

So no matter what you do, set up a separate account in your name only to pay for your share of all things cabin-related. This also protects your husband, and if his concerns are really only liability related, an hour or two with a real lawyer might assuage him.

So if bouncer sibling gets sued to being overzealous in tossing out the wrong person, to what extent is OP liable?

I assume the highest risk there is OP and the other sibling buying out the cabin from the bouncer (or the bouncer taking a HELOC out on the property). I'm guessing that some tossed bar patron can't end up costing OP and the other sibling the cabin. Again, a real lawyer in your real state can help answer those questions.

Also, be honest, OP.

Has this brother always been less than kind to your husband? Like when they were in their 20s, did your brother sort of throw his weight around to "tease" your DH in a way he couldn't really complain about at the time without looking whiny? Has he been kind to your kids (or your other sibling's kids?)

As for bouncer sibling staying there full-time - if he feels desperate enough he may well end up bringing a space heater or very thick sleeping bag. If the cabin's in say SC, it may only get dangerously cold like two or three nights a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep the cabin, ditch the husband.

This. I couldn’t live the rest of the only life I have with someone who makes such demands of me.

You see what the real importance is to him. The lifestyle, not so much his wife.

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman that is Team Husband on this. You are going to end up paying the deadbeat siblings portion of taxes and maintenance. I am going to end up with a similar problem when my in-laws pass away. I’ve told my husband for years that I’m not paying for his two siblings portion of everything and that enough property will have to be sold to cover all this nonsense.

Your situation is more complicated because you have some sentimental attachment here. You have to buy your brother out probably. If he refuses, you have to go to court to sell This thing.

If you want to convince your husband otherwise (and his feelings matter here), you need a plan that doesn’t seem blinded by sentimentality about your sweetheart of a brother that cannot afford this and might end up in jail.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you guys are being harsh on the husband.

You're saying that a spouse should have no input on a major life decision with the potential for significant financial impacts on joint finances?

That's nuts. He has every right to voice his opinion. and FWIW, I agree with him.

Even if the finances work, or you buy out the other siblings, owning that cabin has an opportunity cost. Whenever you have time off, you're going to consider 'Do we take this vacation, or do we just go to the cabin for a week?"

And he may not want to spend weeks at a time in the cabin and prefer a more adventurous vacation life. He has every right to say that. And as the wife, you have an obligation to listen to your spouse's worries.

All the posters on here saying, that if the gender roles were reversed, everyone would be screaming about how the wife has a say in the husband's decision. And they would be right.

Spouses are partners. The most important partner in your life. Treat them as such