Husband wants to dictate what happens with property I’m set to inherit

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a more accurate description would be that your husbands wants some say in whether your joint funds are used to maintain this cabin.
.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is DH old? disability? why isn't he working more?

As for the cabin, you are both right. DH is right that it's a BAD idea to own with your siblings. My family had similar experience.

You are right too - it's YOUR inheritance, your family cabin, you are breadwinner. Your opinion carries greater weight in this matter.

But honey, I think he is right. Spend a month there for memories. Then sell it. You can roll that into a new vacation home.

The OP already said why he's not working more he's semi-retired.

OP, I don't think it's fair of your husband to try to force you to do something you don't want to. I could see if he were willing to go over pros and cons with you, hear you out, and compromise if needed. Seems like none of that is happening, sounds like he's trying to dictate to you. I think you should stand your ground.

[Anonymous]

Stop talking to him about it. He’s being controlling and unreasonable, on many levels. My rule of thumb is to ignore people engaged in bad behavior like that. Ignore and proceed as you wish. Also line up your ducks for divorce. You may run into issues if you’re saving in your 401k while he spends his.

[Anonymous]

I can see both sides here. If your DH dislikes going there, then I’m sure he sees no value to footing the bills. And I see your point. You love it and can afford it. If your husband hates it, How will you plan to use it.

[Anonymous]

Keep it. Don’t give it up. We have one too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is DH old? disability? why isn't he working more?

As for the cabin, you are both right. DH is right that it's a BAD idea to own with your siblings. My family had similar experience.

You are right too - it's YOUR inheritance, your family cabin, you are breadwinner. Your opinion carries greater weight in this matter.

But honey, I think he is right. Spend a month there for memories. Then sell it. You can roll that into a new vacation home.

+1. This is a wise response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a more accurate description would be that your husbands wants some say in whether your joint funds are used to maintain this cabin.

I kind of agree with this. If this were a SAHM with a working father about to inherit a joint family property, most here on DCUM would side with the wife that even as a SAHM, it is still joint money that they are spending and she should still have a say in it. It's always telling that DCUM being like 80-90% female always takes the wife's position and doesn't see the hypocrisy when the genders are flipped and their solutions flip, too.

OP--does this family property come with inheritance money as well? If so, then I would make sure to set up the property and inheritance cash in separate accounts that are only in your name, and not joint. Then you can pay for your 1/3 of the upkeep of the property from the inheritance funds and keep that all distinct from marital funds. This is the best way to handle it. If you invest marital funds, then your husband does have a say in the property and you need to come up with a way to reconcile using joint marital funds towards the property that is yours and not jointly owned. That's the best option. If you don't get any inheritance money along with the property, then it becomes harder as you would have to come to some sort of agreement with your husband. Perhaps you can set a cap to the amount of money that goes annually to the property so that he doesn't feel that the cabin will become a suck on your joint resources and prevent the two of you from enjoying your retirement. He is semi-retired and already looking at a lower income. When you retire, you'll also have a lower income. His position is reasonable that he doesn't want joint money, especially as you near your golden years with lower income, to be spent on the property that he has no interest from and doesn't enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like a more accurate description would be that your husbands wants some say in whether your joint funds are used to maintain this cabin.
.

Yeah, my wife and her siblings will inherit a couple of properties from their parents. The question of maintenance has been a sticking point for me and at least one of the other spouses- If I don't have an ownership interest in something, I don't want to pay maintenance costs for that asset.

I've never heard of siblings co-owning property, and it ending well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want to keep the house and it sounds like you can afford to, so keep it.

I will say that owning real estate with siblings can be messy.

This. Especially if one of the siblings has made/makes bad choices. Can the other two afford the upkeep? Will it default to you?

I would make sure you really know what you are getting in to, and really want that longterm.

[Anonymous]

Say “yes, dear” and keep doing what you want.

Like I do.

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry about it until it happens. You don’t know what your siblings are going to want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH old? disability? why isn't he working more?

As for the cabin, you are both right. DH is right that it's a BAD idea to own with your siblings. My family had similar experience.

You are right too - it's YOUR inheritance, your family cabin, you are breadwinner. Your opinion carries greater weight in this matter.

But honey, I think he is right. Spend a month there for memories. Then sell it. You can roll that into a new vacation home.

+1. This is a wise response.

she can’t just sell it. she will own jointly with her siblings. they either have to all agree to sell, or a sibling buys OP’s share. In a similar scenario my friend bought out the sibling who was less interested in the property.

[Anonymous]

Team OP. Keep it, especially if it's not a huge financial burden, which it sounds like it is not.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for all the good suggestions.

I like the idea of setting aside other money I inherit and using that to pay for the minimal upkeep. We aren’t wealthy and this is a really basic cabin; it’s just in a beautiful location and surrounded by many dear old family friends.

The cabin has been jointly owned by siblings in our family for many decades with no major issues. The problem now is that one of my siblings has struggled in life and made unfortunate choices. My husband is worried about the legal implications of owning a property with this sibling. For example, if they were to be sued by someone, could the cabin be seized to settle a lawsuit? I don’t know how this works. I probably need to speak to a lawyer about this aspect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP would your siblings let you buy them out? Can you afford that? We have a lake property with similar situation and ultimately my father bought out the siblings because the others could not afford upkeep. They put the money in to making it rent-able and a bit less rustic and now use it for a few weeks with the rest of summer rented to friends and extended family (not listed on AirBNB or anything, just enough to cover maintenance costs).

+1 This.