I wish I was never born

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand that you hate what depression has done to your life and you are right, it is not fair.

You have shown incredible strength and bravery in fighting the monster that is depression for years. Keep going to therapy and keep holding on.

Know that different therapies work very differently and that, just because one type of therapy didn’t work in the past, this doesn’t mean therapy or medication will not work this time.

+100
🌈💖✨

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, we share a similar struggle, although I had some happy years as a younger child despite experiencing trauma, by my mid teens depression had hit and it just got worse over time. I’m 50 now.

I’ve definitely been saved from some very deep troughs by SSRIs, but I don’t currently take one as the side effects outweigh the benefits over time. Research seems to bear this out - talk therapy, exercise and mindfulness are as beneficial if not more than medication except in crisis.

If you’ve done medication and it hasn’t helped, I highly recommend looking into ketamine therapy in your area.

I also recommend DBT, which was originally developed for therapy resistant borderline personality disorder and has since proven to be very beneficial to treatment resistant depression/anxiety. There’s a great new book out written by two psychiatrists/psychologists at McClean Hospital, a premier psychiatric facility in Boston - it’s called DBT for Dummies. Don’t be put off by the title. Mindfulness is an incredible tool for managing emotional dysregulation and the suffering of human existence - hence the Buddhists.

I also really encourage you to establish a regular walking program, preferably in a park with lots of leafy green nature. Humans aren’t built to live in boxes until artificial lights, but most of us do most of the time. In some countries ‘forest bathing’ is actually prescribed by physicians, research shows such a highly beneficial effect. Sitting in nature is good too, but my own experience participating in a research study at Brown University’s Butler Psychiatric Hospital in 2019 really proved to me how enormously beneficial physical exercise is to boosting mood and quelling anxiety - with the positive side effect of facilitating good sleep.

It’s not fair that we were born with these brains, but it is what it is. I honestly don’t think most folks are happy all the time anyway - I think most people are managing some kind of pain. As Hemingway said, life breaks everyone - and some are strong at the broken places. Keep soldiering on, and cherish the moments of mental calm and joy when you find them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, we share a similar struggle, although I had some happy years as a younger child despite experiencing trauma, by my mid teens depression had hit and it just got worse over time. I’m 50 now.

I’ve definitely been saved from some very deep troughs by SSRIs, but I don’t currently take one as the side effects outweigh the benefits over time. Research seems to bear this out - talk therapy, exercise and mindfulness are as beneficial if not more than medication except in crisis.

If you’ve done medication and it hasn’t helped, I highly recommend looking into ketamine therapy in your area.

I also recommend DBT, which was originally developed for therapy resistant borderline personality disorder and has since proven to be very beneficial to treatment resistant depression/anxiety. There’s a great new book out written by two psychiatrists/psychologists at McClean Hospital, a premier psychiatric facility in Boston - it’s called DBT for Dummies. Don’t be put off by the title. Mindfulness is an incredible tool for managing emotional dysregulation and the suffering of human existence - hence the Buddhists.

I also really encourage you to establish a regular walking program, preferably in a park with lots of leafy green nature. Humans aren’t built to live in boxes until artificial lights, but most of us do most of the time. In some countries ‘forest bathing’ is actually prescribed by physicians, research shows such a highly beneficial effect. Sitting in nature is good too, but my own experience participating in a research study at Brown University’s Butler Psychiatric Hospital in 2019 really proved to me how enormously beneficial physical exercise is to boosting mood and quelling anxiety - with the positive side effect of facilitating good sleep.

It’s not fair that we were born with these brains, but it is what it is. I honestly don’t think most folks are happy all the time anyway - I think most people are managing some kind of pain. As Hemingway said, life breaks everyone - and some are strong at the broken places. Keep soldiering on, and cherish the moments of mental calm and joy when you find them.

Under, not until

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thank you to everyone that posted. It all helped me in one way or another (well almost all....being called immature wasn't helpful ). I came here hoping for just a bit of strength to get through another day. To anyone who doesn't understand what depression is and just think I should grow up or something-I envy you not knowing. To all of you who have similar struggles, I feel for you and hope we all some day find true happiness not marred by severe depression that takes away joy in everything.

Thanks again...especially the one religious post that at first made me very angry. Not because you posted it, but because I'm angry at God. Very angry. I hope to be able to re read it and have it not make me so angry that I was chosen for this life, and be able to find a reason why my life has been like this. So thank you.

and thank you to those that have just HEARD me. I realized that I have no one that does that in my life. That not only doesn't help, but hurts me deeply. But it was nice to be heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thank you to everyone that posted. It all helped me in one way or another (well almost all....being called immature wasn't helpful ). I came here hoping for just a bit of strength to get through another day. To anyone who doesn't understand what depression is and just think I should grow up or something-I envy you not knowing. To all of you who have similar struggles, I feel for you and hope we all some day find true happiness not marred by severe depression that takes away joy in everything.

Thanks again...especially the one religious post that at first made me very angry. Not because you posted it, but because I'm angry at God. Very angry. I hope to be able to re read it and have it not make me so angry that I was chosen for this life, and be able to find a reason why my life has been like this. So thank you.

and thank you to those that have just HEARD me. I realized that I have no one that does that in my life. That not only doesn't help, but hurts me deeply. But it was nice to be heard.

OP, you can try approaching what you feel from a more intellectual perspective. Look up the philosophy of anti-natalism.

[Anonymous]

I wish I was never born and I have a great life. Nothing to complain about I just have always wanted to die. I keep going because of my parents. Hang in there op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the only solution I can think of that would have prevented the miserable and depressed life I have lived. I don't want to consider killing myself, would never do it because of my kids, but I truly truly wish I had never been born since I was born with this anomaly of a brain.

I have been depressed and anxious and screwed up my whole life. I know it was a mistake, and not my fault, but why was I born then? I haven't don't anything worthwhile other than have kids that lived with a depressed mother who married a man with problems, and added another mess to the world.


Depression is so horrible of a beast. If you try to hide it, it eats you up inside. If you express it, people don't like you, avoid you, or get annoyed and angry at you. I have nowhere to turn anymore except my therapist (just started). I hate what it has done to my life and it's not fair. I have never felt joy. I have taken up space here and it was a waste. No one can understand what it feels like to KNOW that you are depressed and know that your thinking is not right, but not be able to do anything about it or change it. I KNOW I should be different but I cannot for the life of me get a handle on it, despite trying meds, therapy in the past, etc.


If I could have one wish it would be this one....that I had never existed to begin with.


Sorry to be a downer, but I have tried. I told my husband that that is what I want written on my tombstone. She tried. Because I really did. Every second of every day I have fought this beast, but I'm not winning.

At least you’ve had relationships. My life is probably 20x worse than yours. I have no employment prospects, yet I have to support myself for the rest of my life. Bullied nonstop in middle school . Total introvert. Have maybe two friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am sorry. And it is not your fault. Are you spiritual? This has gotten me through hard times:

God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.

Wow. This Op. Hold onto this. Saying a prayer for you and wishing you all of the best.
You were created in God’s image. He knew you before you were born. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was never born and I have a great life. Nothing to complain about I just have always wanted to die. I keep going because of my parents. Hang in there op

Please hang in there too. You have purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was never born and I have a great life. Nothing to complain about I just have always wanted to die. I keep going because of my parents. Hang in there op

I'm sorry. Can you talk to a therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was never born and I have a great life. Nothing to complain about I just have always wanted to die. I keep going because of my parents. Hang in there op

I'm sorry. Can you talk to a therapist?

I'm adding that your life is valuable and you matter. If you haven't talked to someone, it may help.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. That sounds very difficult. It absolutely is not fair.

Hopefully the therapy will help. You belong here and you matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, we share a similar struggle, although I had some happy years as a younger child despite experiencing trauma, by my mid teens depression had hit and it just got worse over time. I’m 50 now.

I’ve definitely been saved from some very deep troughs by SSRIs, but I don’t currently take one as the side effects outweigh the benefits over time. Research seems to bear this out - talk therapy, exercise and mindfulness are as beneficial if not more than medication except in crisis.

If you’ve done medication and it hasn’t helped, I highly recommend looking into ketamine therapy in your area.

I also recommend DBT, which was originally developed for therapy resistant borderline personality disorder and has since proven to be very beneficial to treatment resistant depression/anxiety. There’s a great new book out written by two psychiatrists/psychologists at McClean Hospital, a premier psychiatric facility in Boston - it’s called DBT for Dummies. Don’t be put off by the title. Mindfulness is an incredible tool for managing emotional dysregulation and the suffering of human existence - hence the Buddhists.

I also really encourage you to establish a regular walking program, preferably in a park with lots of leafy green nature. Humans aren’t built to live in boxes until artificial lights, but most of us do most of the time. In some countries ‘forest bathing’ is actually prescribed by physicians, research shows such a highly beneficial effect. Sitting in nature is good too, but my own experience participating in a research study at Brown University’s Butler Psychiatric Hospital in 2019 really proved to me how enormously beneficial physical exercise is to boosting mood and quelling anxiety - with the positive side effect of facilitating good sleep.

It’s not fair that we were born with these brains, but it is what it is. I honestly don’t think most folks are happy all the time anyway - I think most people are managing some kind of pain. As Hemingway said, life breaks everyone - and some are strong at the broken places. Keep soldiering on, and cherish the moments of mental calm and joy when you find them.

I think this was a great response.

To OP: I hear you and wish you comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thank you to everyone that posted. It all helped me in one way or another (well almost all....being called immature wasn't helpful ). I came here hoping for just a bit of strength to get through another day. To anyone who doesn't understand what depression is and just think I should grow up or something-I envy you not knowing. To all of you who have similar struggles, I feel for you and hope we all some day find true happiness not marred by severe depression that takes away joy in everything.

Thanks again...especially the one religious post that at first made me very angry. Not because you posted it, but because I'm angry at God. Very angry. I hope to be able to re read it and have it not make me so angry that I was chosen for this life, and be able to find a reason why my life has been like this. So thank you.

and thank you to those that have just HEARD me. I realized that I have no one that does that in my life. That not only doesn't help, but hurts me deeply. But it was nice to be heard.

OP, you can try approaching what you feel from a more intellectual perspective. Look up the philosophy of anti-natalism.

OP here...thank you I will do that. I'm willing to learn more

[Anonymous]

Dear OP,
You do matter. You matter to your children. You matter to your family. You matter to the friend who hads't met you yet. You brought out some goodness on this board of some loving, caring strangers. There were some good suggestions on here. Some tangible things for you to do: like take a walk each and every day, seek out a new therapist, read a verse, enjoy a cup of tea, play a song that you like,...
Life is hard. You have amazing strength. Depression and the feelings that you have are real. Often this can be traced to a chemical imbalance, but what you feel is real. The good news is that many times, the right anti-depressant can help. But, this can take time to find, and time to begin to work. It can take lots of time to even find a decent therapist. I applaud your bravery, your honesty, your courage. You are worth the extra work. Consider yourself virtually hugged.
Sincerely, wishing you peace.