I wish I was never born

[Anonymous]

I felt this way until I found someone who loved me and had kids. I told my kids that I was an "oops" baby (parents were poor and already had several kids), and they told me that they were glad I was born (because.. obviously).

Your children love you. And get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although I understand hopelessness very well, look at your kids. They deserve better. Feeling this way is hurting them. Pick yourself up for them.

NP- easy for you to say! Easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

OP, just hear you encourage you. I can relate to a lot of what you said. Is your depression treatable? I totally related to wanting to do something your mind has put blocks up against, basic things. I’m sorry. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Re: the spiritual thing. The first inkling of my mental illness was a full blown, long lasting, manic delusional episode. I got a letter and a card from one of my very religious aunts advising my to find Jesus, pray, etc.

I'd be curious to see a study about religion and depression. E.g. does religion help for people who already believe and then become depressed? Does it help for people who are depressed and then seek out religion?

Since my manic state involved a lot of "voices of God"--I wasn't religious by then, but I definitely experienced grandiosity--praying would have just been part of the fire that was already going. Some years later I went to Al Anon for awhile, but I left because all the stuff about meditation and Higher Power made me wary of falling into the unreality I had experienced before. Also, I can see the possibility that for some people, seeking God and not finding a way out of their illness (unless of course they do) could make everything more hopeless. Seems like that's the kind of thing that could lead to suicide, or to mothers killing their children.

Anyway, to the Cardinal Newman poster--it's fine to say "this worked for me". I think it's a bad play to tell someone else that's what they should do. Do you see a difference here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: the spiritual thing. The first inkling of my mental illness was a full blown, long lasting, manic delusional episode. I got a letter and a card from one of my very religious aunts advising my to find Jesus, pray, etc.

I'd be curious to see a study about religion and depression. E.g. does religion help for people who already believe and then become depressed? Does it help for people who are depressed and then seek out religion?

Since my manic state involved a lot of "voices of God"--I wasn't religious by then, but I definitely experienced grandiosity--praying would have just been part of the fire that was already going. Some years later I went to Al Anon for awhile, but I left because all the stuff about meditation and Higher Power made me wary of falling into the unreality I had experienced before. Also, I can see the possibility that for some people, seeking God and not finding a way out of their illness (unless of course they do) could make everything more hopeless. Seems like that's the kind of thing that could lead to suicide, or to mothers killing their children.

Anyway, to the Cardinal Newman poster--it's fine to say "this worked for me". I think it's a bad play to tell someone else that's what they should do. Do you see a difference here?

NP. Wow, she literally ASKED if OP was spiritual, then said "this has gotten me through hard times."

Do you "see the difference" between what you said the PP did, and what she actually did? You mischaracterized the situation and you owe the PP an apology for doing so.

[Anonymous]

OP I am so sorry you have been in a rut so long without right therapist to pull you out.

First, I want you to know that all your feelings are based on your perception. It's not your reality. It's merely your thoughts. Your perception can be changed with a good CBT therapist. I know it. If you Google CBT, I think it says often you only need 6 sessions to get a lot of improvement.

Please try a gratitude list. Write A to Z, and fill it in with words for things you are thankful for. H = home. F =food. etc. Every morning, write 3 things you are thankful for.

Catch yourself in these down thoughts. You are probably sitting on couch or in bed. That's your reality. A thought isn't a real thing. It's just a thought. Try to practice mindfulness to be more in the moment being and doing and not thinking. What are you sitting on? What are you hearing? Touching?

Good luck OP.

I just started reading Every Day is Friday by Joel Osteen. Try it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although I understand hopelessness very well, look at your kids. They deserve better. Feeling this way is hurting them. Pick yourself up for them.

NP- easy for you to say! Easier said than done.

It’s not easy, but your own kids are the best reason to fight hopelessness and value your life and theirs, by extension. It’s hard to fight against depression and feelings of worthlessness. But it’s absolutely a good reason to not give up.

[Anonymous]

Op god has a reason for you to be here. Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although I understand hopelessness very well, look at your kids. They deserve better. Feeling this way is hurting them. Pick yourself up for them.

NP- easy for you to say! Easier said than done.

It’s not easy, but your own kids are the best reason to fight hopelessness and value your life and theirs, by extension. It’s hard to fight against depression and feelings of worthlessness. But it’s absolutely a good reason to not give up.

NP. I know you mean well, but stop. OP’s life is valuable in and of itself, not just because she’s a mother. OP herself deserves happiness, and OP is worth the effort of therapy and trying and medication and whatever else it takes for her own sake. SHE is worth it. SHE is a good reason not to give up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op god has a reason for you to be here. Really.

Notice how the good people seem to die earlier? They have already fulfilled their purpose and effect on people they knew.

[Anonymous]

OP, everyone has problems. They just don't tell you or post them to social media. So, your DH has problems, so do other people's husbands.

You say all you've done in life is have children. Im supposing you are a SAHM. I guess you missed all the SAHM booster posts all over DCUM - they LOVE the fact that they don't have to work and can just focus on raising their kids, keeping up the home, etc. There can be a lot to be proud of in focusing on your children's academic, social, and physical wellbeing and keeping your home nice, cooking nice meals, etc.

I do feel bad for the kids insofar as they have a depressed mother. Please fight like heck to pull out of it. Find the right clinician. They need you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, everyone has problems. They just don't tell you or post them to social media. So, your DH has problems, so do other people's husbands.

You say all you've done in life is have children. Im supposing you are a SAHM. I guess you missed all the SAHM booster posts all over DCUM - they LOVE the fact that they don't have to work and can just focus on raising their kids, keeping up the home, etc. There can be a lot to be proud of in focusing on your children's academic, social, and physical wellbeing and keeping your home nice, cooking nice meals, etc.

I do feel bad for the kids insofar as they have a depressed mother. Please fight like heck to pull out of it. Find the right clinician. They need you.

This is a terrible take.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I had a very hard time a couple years ago when my DC was very sick, and my mom was dying at the same time. I was trying so hard and could not fix anything. I sort of see that time as a time where I "cracked."

A couple of days ago, my therapist told me that she suspects that at that time, I had a breakdown. This was at the end of our session so we didn't get into what that meant, but it got me thinking.

And I was walking along and teared up and thought, "I'm just so sad at my small and broken life." I had never had that kind of thought before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, everyone has problems. They just don't tell you or post them to social media. So, your DH has problems, so do other people's husbands.

You say all you've done in life is have children. Im supposing you are a SAHM. I guess you missed all the SAHM booster posts all over DCUM - they LOVE the fact that they don't have to work and can just focus on raising their kids, keeping up the home, etc. There can be a lot to be proud of in focusing on your children's academic, social, and physical wellbeing and keeping your home nice, cooking nice meals, etc.

I do feel bad for the kids insofar as they have a depressed mother. Please fight like heck to pull out of it. Find the right clinician. They need you.

This is a terrible take.

No, it's not. OP sounds very, very immature. Depressed too, but also immature, and I think her immaturity affects her mood. The world owes her more moments of joy. Omg. The world owes her nothing but a long list of to-dos. She owes her kids everything.

[Anonymous]

I understand that you hate what depression has done to your life and you are right, it is not fair.

You have shown incredible strength and bravery in fighting the monster that is depression for years. Keep going to therapy and keep holding on.

Know that different therapies work very differently and that, just because one type of therapy didn’t work in the past, this doesn’t mean therapy or medication will not work this time.