I wish I was never born

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. I am sorry. And it is not your fault. Are you spiritual? This has gotten me through hard times:

God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.

OP here. I just wanted to come back and tell you how many times I have re-read this and I just copied it into a document for me to read every day. I speaks to me. There are sometimes I read it and say "bullshit". I just want to be happy. Leave me alone and I'm angry at you God.

But then sometimes I feel what it is saying and know it will help me in the long run. Thank you again for giving me hope that my life will not have been a waste.

[Anonymous]

Isaiah 41:10

[Anonymous]

I wish I was never born. I'm 65 and I have a beautiful wife who loves me very much but there isn't day that goes by that I don't think about suicide.
I hate my life so much I sometimes hurt myself to see if I can go through with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was never born. I'm 65 and I have a beautiful wife who loves me very much but there isn't day that goes by that I don't think about suicide.
I hate my life so much I sometimes hurt myself to see if I can go through with it.

I am sorry for your pain, PP. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I am third-ing ketamine and DBT. And faith. I am praying for you, OP. I was where you are for many years, but I think I glimpsed God’s plan for me. It’s still hard, but I am glad I kept going. You can too. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was never born. I'm 65 and I have a beautiful wife who loves me very much but there isn't day that goes by that I don't think about suicide.
I hate my life so much I sometimes hurt myself to see if I can go through with it.

Start a new thread and let us help you.

[Anonymous]

Have you tried ketamine treatment?

[Anonymous]

I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN
I CAN SEE NO PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE
AND ITS TRUE ONLY MY KIDS KEEP ME FROM KILLING MYSELF

[Anonymous]

I get a lot of existential anxiety/depression and Wellbutrin has done wonders for my mood.

Also, getting to a place where I’ve accepted maybe there is no meaning to life and I don’t get all the suffering in the world. But that is all the more reason to try to embrace the small good things. I used to feel guilty for moments of happiness amidst all the crap, but now I try to take small moments for myself.

[Anonymous]

I felt like this for decades. I started doing psilocybin trips a few years back.

They helped and continue to help so much. They’re not miracle cures like some people say (although you will have a definite afterglow when you trip - the first time I tripped I woke up the next morning and felt “normal” for the first time in my life - the anxiety and depression came back but it was extremely helpful to experience a day without anxiety or depression).

I won’t write a whole essay on how they work but I can say 4 years after taking my first trip is that the trips affected my brain’s neuroplasticity and that allowed therapy to REALLY work for the first time in my life.

I’m still dealing with anxiety and depression and I’m sure I always will BUT I no longer wake up and wish I was dead, I no longer think about suicide all day and I can honestly say that in my 50s I feel mostly content with my life.

[Anonymous]

Psilocybin are illegal in the USA, you know. You can face very hefty fines and jail time if you are caught in possession of them, using them, or under their influence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Psilocybin are illegal in the USA, you know. You can face very hefty fines and jail time if you are caught in possession of them, using them, or under their influence.

It’s decriminalized in DC….

[Anonymous]

One of my favorite song lyrics, from Tracy Thorne:
"It's because of the dark; we see the beauty in the spark"

[Anonymous]

When I was in younger, I seriously thought if I killed myself no one would be that devastated. Sure, friends and family would be very sad, but not really devastated. I went through a really depressed period in my life. I found out when I was quite young that my parents never wanted me, and to me, it made sense why my mother treated me the way she did (because she didn't want me). That stayed with me for so long, well into my adulthood. I felt like I should never have been born.

Now, with a husband and two kids, if I were to die, I know DD would be destroyed, even DH said this. Of course, DH and DS would be devastated as well, but they would eventually be able to go on. They are stronger, but not DD. She is very close to me and already has some anxiety issues.

Your kids would also never exist had you not lived. You may think, "Well, they wouldn't know any better", but do you think it would've been better had they not been born?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I WISH I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN
I CAN SEE NO PURPOSE FOR MY LIFE
AND ITS TRUE ONLY MY KIDS KEEP ME FROM KILLING MYSELF

Then hold onto that. Your kids need you. Find purpose in your life. Maybe some spirituality.