Does he want his ex back? I’m flying out to spend Valentine’s Day with him tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

You are all too immature to be dating. You are way more into this guy than he is into you. The mere fact that you are over analyzing this guy's actions and social media posts screams of immaturity. His passive aggressive posts also sound pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (27/f) met a guy (30) about a month ago through my cousin. My cousin went to school with him and they became best friends, like brother and sister actually. Anyways, I moved back to my hometown about 2 months ago and started hanging out my cousin again. We all hung out as a group and I developed an interest in this guy. We eventually exchanged numbers. My cousin found out and warned me that he had just gotten out of a serious relationship. I asked for more details (how long ago, length of the relationship, etc.)

So the backstory - he was with her for almost 2 years, she was his first very serious adult relationship, he wanted to marry her. They broke up in October but officially stopped talking in December - they had planned for him to spend Xmas with her family. Apparently, he was kind of being jackass towards the end of the relationship and so she said that either they go to couples counseling or he could walk. He told her he wasn’t going to go. So she just told him “okay” then left. They haven’t talked since (December).

As I mentioned he and my cousin are like brother and sister so they hang out quite a bit and he confides in her. My cousin told me that he watches her stories every single time she posts. He liked a post 2 weeks ago that said, “the person you’re stressing over, well they’re f**king someone else, let it go.” Or just a few days ago, “don’t lose your mind over someone who doesn’t mind losing you.” My cousin also told me that it was the ex’s mom’s birthday on the 31st, well he texted the mom happy birthday. My cousin noted that he and the mom weren’t extremely close. Got along, but not close.

He was out a few days ago and got some free merchandise (beenie hats) from a law firm that happened to be the ex’s name. He posted a story saying “oh I got free merchandise from *insert law firm/ex’s name”. My cousin thought he did this on purpose to get her attention, I however just thought it was coincidence and he wanted to show off the free merchandise. Two nights ago he posted a meme that said, “Are you gorilla glue because I can’t can’t get my mind off of you” then with the letters/caption MED under the post. My cousin said the ex’s full name is (changed for post), Mary Elizabeth Donaldson - the ex’s initials are MED. Is that just coincidence?

So after my cousin told me all of this I confided in my best friend. My best friend said she believes he still wants to be with his ex. I disagree, if he still wanted to be with her he wouldn’t forming other relationships with women, aka me. I do, however, still think he’s just grieving the relationship. You can still care about someone and not still want to be with him (why he told her no to counseling) and I’m flying out to spend the Valentine’s Day weekend with him. If I’m with him this weekend it clearly means he doesn’t want her back, IMO.

So does he still want to be with his ex?

Yes, he definitely does.

You've heard the old saying "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else".

That's what he's doing.

You're not "Miss Right" you're "Miss Right Now"

Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Pp again... whats your explanation of MED in relation to the post if it's not anything to do with her? In your mind, what does MED stand for??

Also, like a PP said... why would you EVER want to be with a guy who refused to go to therapy with a girl he wanted to marry??

He's so not a catch, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I (27/f) met a guy (30) about a month ago through my cousin. My cousin went to school with him and they became best friends, like brother and sister actually. Anyways, I moved back to my hometown about 2 months ago and started hanging out my cousin again. We all hung out as a group and I developed an interest in this guy. We eventually exchanged numbers. My cousin found out and warned me that he had just gotten out of a serious relationship. I asked for more details (how long ago, length of the relationship, etc.)

So the backstory - he was with her for almost 2 years, she was his first very serious adult relationship, he wanted to marry her. They broke up in October but officially stopped talking in December - they had planned for him to spend Xmas with her family. Apparently, he was kind of being jackass towards the end of the relationship and so she said that either they go to couples counseling or he could walk. He told her he wasn’t going to go. So she just told him “okay” then left. They haven’t talked since (December).

As I mentioned he and my cousin are like brother and sister so they hang out quite a bit and he confides in her. My cousin told me that he watches her stories every single time she posts. He liked a post 2 weeks ago that said, “the person you’re stressing over, well they’re f**king someone else, let it go.” Or just a few days ago, “don’t lose your mind over someone who doesn’t mind losing you.” My cousin also told me that it was the ex’s mom’s birthday on the 31st, well he texted the mom happy birthday. My cousin noted that he and the mom weren’t extremely close. Got along, but not close.

He was out a few days ago and got some free merchandise (beenie hats) from a law firm that happened to be the ex’s name. He posted a story saying “oh I got free merchandise from *insert law firm/ex’s name”. My cousin thought he did this on purpose to get her attention, I however just thought it was coincidence and he wanted to show off the free merchandise. Two nights ago he posted a meme that said, “Are you gorilla glue because I can’t can’t get my mind off of you” then with the letters/caption MED under the post. My cousin said the ex’s full name is (changed for post), Mary Elizabeth Donaldson - the ex’s initials are MED. Is that just coincidence?

So after my cousin told me all of this I confided in my best friend. My best friend said she believes he still wants to be with his ex. I disagree, if he still wanted to be with her he wouldn’t forming other relationships with women, aka me. I do, however, still think he’s just grieving the relationship. You can still care about someone and not still want to be with him (why he told her no to counseling) and I’m flying out to spend the Valentine’s Day weekend with him. If I’m with him this weekend it clearly means he doesn’t want her back, IMO.

So does he still want to be with his ex?

Yes, he definitely does.

You've heard the old saying "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else".

That's what he's doing.

You're not "Miss Right" you're "Miss Right Now"

Sorry.

Why exactly are you saying that definitely does?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, he’s just using you to get the ex jealous.

How do I know that? I did that myself when I was young, and it worked. I got back together with the ex and we’ve been married 20+ years now.

Yeah, this is a tale as old as time.

My DH and I had a period of breakup right before we ended up doing the happily married thing. I wish I’d been less anguished at the time to enjoy any bed warmers. I am fairly certain DH didn’t, but who knows. Social media wasn’t the thing it is today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I (27/f) met a guy (30) about a month ago through my cousin. My cousin went to school with him and they became best friends, like brother and sister actually. Anyways, I moved back to my hometown about 2 months ago and started hanging out my cousin again. We all hung out as a group and I developed an interest in this guy. We eventually exchanged numbers. My cousin found out and warned me that he had just gotten out of a serious relationship. I asked for more details (how long ago, length of the relationship, etc.)

So the backstory - he was with her for almost 2 years, she was his first very serious adult relationship, he wanted to marry her. They broke up in October but officially stopped talking in December - they had planned for him to spend Xmas with her family. Apparently, he was kind of being jackass towards the end of the relationship and so she said that either they go to couples counseling or he could walk. He told her he wasn’t going to go. So she just told him “okay” then left. They haven’t talked since (December).

As I mentioned he and my cousin are like brother and sister so they hang out quite a bit and he confides in her. My cousin told me that he watches her stories every single time she posts. He liked a post 2 weeks ago that said, “the person you’re stressing over, well they’re f**king someone else, let it go.” Or just a few days ago, “don’t lose your mind over someone who doesn’t mind losing you.” My cousin also told me that it was the ex’s mom’s birthday on the 31st, well he texted the mom happy birthday. My cousin noted that he and the mom weren’t extremely close. Got along, but not close.

He was out a few days ago and got some free merchandise (beenie hats) from a law firm that happened to be the ex’s name. He posted a story saying “oh I got free merchandise from *insert law firm/ex’s name”. My cousin thought he did this on purpose to get her attention, I however just thought it was coincidence and he wanted to show off the free merchandise. Two nights ago he posted a meme that said, “Are you gorilla glue because I can’t can’t get my mind off of you” then with the letters/caption MED under the post. My cousin said the ex’s full name is (changed for post), Mary Elizabeth Donaldson - the ex’s initials are MED. Is that just coincidence?

So after my cousin told me all of this I confided in my best friend. My best friend said she believes he still wants to be with his ex. I disagree, if he still wanted to be with her he wouldn’t forming other relationships with women, aka me. I do, however, still think he’s just grieving the relationship. You can still care about someone and not still want to be with him (why he told her no to counseling) and I’m flying out to spend the Valentine’s Day weekend with him. If I’m with him this weekend it clearly means he doesn’t want her back, IMO.

So does he still want to be with his ex?

Yes, he definitely does.

You've heard the old saying "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else".

That's what he's doing.

You're not "Miss Right" you're "Miss Right Now"

Sorry.

Why exactly are you saying that definitely does?

Does it really matter why?
You're going to ignore it and find a way to rationalize it in your head that it's not true, SSI why bother wasting my time?

Answer the question... what rational answer do you have for what MED stands for -- if not her initials?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I (27/f) met a guy (30) about a month ago through my cousin. My cousin went to school with him and they became best friends, like brother and sister actually. Anyways, I moved back to my hometown about 2 months ago and started hanging out my cousin again. We all hung out as a group and I developed an interest in this guy. We eventually exchanged numbers. My cousin found out and warned me that he had just gotten out of a serious relationship. I asked for more details (how long ago, length of the relationship, etc.)

So the backstory - he was with her for almost 2 years, she was his first very serious adult relationship, he wanted to marry her. They broke up in October but officially stopped talking in December - they had planned for him to spend Xmas with her family. Apparently, he was kind of being jackass towards the end of the relationship and so she said that either they go to couples counseling or he could walk. He told her he wasn’t going to go. So she just told him “okay” then left. They haven’t talked since (December).

As I mentioned he and my cousin are like brother and sister so they hang out quite a bit and he confides in her. My cousin told me that he watches her stories every single time she posts. He liked a post 2 weeks ago that said, “the person you’re stressing over, well they’re f**king someone else, let it go.” Or just a few days ago, “don’t lose your mind over someone who doesn’t mind losing you.” My cousin also told me that it was the ex’s mom’s birthday on the 31st, well he texted the mom happy birthday. My cousin noted that he and the mom weren’t extremely close. Got along, but not close.

He was out a few days ago and got some free merchandise (beenie hats) from a law firm that happened to be the ex’s name. He posted a story saying “oh I got free merchandise from *insert law firm/ex’s name”. My cousin thought he did this on purpose to get her attention, I however just thought it was coincidence and he wanted to show off the free merchandise. Two nights ago he posted a meme that said, “Are you gorilla glue because I can’t can’t get my mind off of you” then with the letters/caption MED under the post. My cousin said the ex’s full name is (changed for post), Mary Elizabeth Donaldson - the ex’s initials are MED. Is that just coincidence?

So after my cousin told me all of this I confided in my best friend. My best friend said she believes he still wants to be with his ex. I disagree, if he still wanted to be with her he wouldn’t forming other relationships with women, aka me. I do, however, still think he’s just grieving the relationship. You can still care about someone and not still want to be with him (why he told her no to counseling) and I’m flying out to spend the Valentine’s Day weekend with him. If I’m with him this weekend it clearly means he doesn’t want her back, IMO.

So does he still want to be with his ex?

Yes, he definitely does.

You've heard the old saying "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else".

That's what he's doing.

You're not "Miss Right" you're "Miss Right Now"

Sorry.

Why exactly are you saying that definitely does?

Does it really matter why?
You're going to ignore it and find a way to rationalize it in your head that it's not true, SSI why bother wasting my time?

Answer the question... what rational answer do you have for what MED stands for -- if not her initials?

Oh btw, when I said "he definitely does", I was responding to your last question in the last sentence of your OP, which was:

So, does he still want to be with his ex?

And I said: "he definitely does"

[Anonymous]

It sounds like at the very least, he’s not over the relationship. He may not want her back, but he’s still grieving.

I went through this with my bf. He had been out of a 2 year relationship for 3 months, and while he wanted to move on, it was obvious he still needed to grieve. So we spent a year apart (no talking at all), he did therapy, and tried again. Things are way better this time around.

Give him the space he needs to heal from his relationship and then re-visit things. If he’s the right one, waiting a few months is no big deal.

Although honestly, refusing to go to counseling is a HUGE red flag. If he was a jerk to his ex, keep in mind that’s how he’ll treat you, if not worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are all too immature to be dating. You are way more into this guy than he is into you. The mere fact that you are over analyzing this guy's actions and social media posts screams of immaturity. His passive aggressive posts also sound pathetic.

+1000 Furthermore, unless he sent the plane/bought the ticket, no way I'd fly anywhere to meet a guy within a month of meeting. The whole thing smacks of desperation and immaturity on both sides. If he was into you and you felt secure in the relationship based on his words and actions, no way you'd be in this position in the first place.

[Anonymous]

I think the biggest red flag here is that he has shown you that he might still possibly be interested in his ex, your cousin, whom you trust, has explicitly told you he is still hung up on her, yet you continue to pursue him.

You are pursuing someone who is emotionally unavailable. This is not the same thing as someone texting and spending time with you. People can be emotionally unavailable yet continue to communicate with, spend time with, and sleep with other people.

Why do you want so much to try and date someone who is emotionally unavailable, and if you cannot tell that he is emotionally unavailable, what is holding you back?

I have to agree with other posters that there seems to be a lack of emotional maturity here. I know that is probably really hard to hear but the vast majority of us have been there so you are not alone. My advice is to way slow down with this guy. Take the time to really pause and reflect on your own motivations.
He also seems really immature (what 30 year old guy posts gorilla glue statements to convey his interest in someone!? And is that photo of a guy even him? If not, then why is he posting a photo of a strange man on his ig. Also, regardless of the name on the hat, why is he posting free “swag”? He is honestly acting like he is 11.)

Has this guy really shown you that he cares about you, and do you really respect and like who he is, or are you more fixated on him “choosing” you.
Anyway, take care of yourself. I know you will do what you want to do this weekend, and maybe the idea of spending Valentine’s Day without a guy is too harsh for you to handle, but I hope you do not sleep with him. If you do that will just make it more complicated and your hormones will be involved.

[Anonymous]

The evidence you provided in your OP is overwhelming— he is still interested in his ex.

My spouse and I had a 3-month breakup period about two years into dating. And guess what? In that time I found a bed warmer and we spend not only Valentine’s Day weekend together but several other lovely weekends together too. Him wanting to spend this weekend with you doesn’t mean anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp again... whats your explanation of MED in relation to the post if it's not anything to do with her? In your mind, what does MED stand for??

Also, like a PP said... why would you EVER want to be with a guy who refused to go to therapy with a girl he wanted to marry??

He's so not a catch, PP.

Agree. This guy is a total loser. Even is Instagram
posts are moronic.
Get a refund for your flight and move on.

[Anonymous]

Who paid for the plane ticket?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who paid for the plane ticket?

Does it really matter? She’s going to him, not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe. See how it goes. Don’t have sex with him if you aren’t ok with sleeping someone who isn’t committed to a relationship with you.

But I also wonder if Your cousin might be into him and thus telling you these stories with a slant to keep you away from him.

My cousin is a lesbian. This is why they’ve been so close for so long.

Sure she is.