to sexless marriage guy who says affairs save the marriage...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you have a link for these stats?

this is a good read for anyone contemplating an affair (same stats mentioned are cited in this):

https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/life-after-divorce-infidelity

The stats were from an APA study:
https://www.itsovereasy.com/insights/when-to-walk-away-after-infidelity
How long does a marriage last after infidelity?
Actually, the answer depends largely on whether or not the extramarital affair comes to light. Remember the APA study we talked about in the last question? While overall, 53% of the couples who experienced infidelity had filed for divorce by the five year mark, the breakdown between secret and revealed infidelity was stark. Five years after undergoing therapy, only 43% of couples who revealed and worked through their past indiscretions had opted for divorce, while a whopping 80% of couples whose marriages contained secret affairs were no longer together.

On the surface, these numbers seem a little bit surprising. After all, if the betrayed partner doesn’t know about their spouse’s infidelity, it can’t hurt them, right? Wrong. As it turns out, lies and deceit don’t exactly make for a healthy relationship. Furthermore, when a cheating spouse admits to an affair, it usually means that the affair is over. By confessing to the infidelity, the unfaithful partner is often indicating that they are ready to live their life in a committed relationship once again. If their spouse can find forgiveness and also move on, then there might be a lot of hope for the relationship yet.

[Anonymous]

I think the open marriage guy is obnoxious but he right that there is no such thing as a happy, sexless marriage and any man with a normal libido is going to cheat or he will divorce, depending on his circumstances. Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly but some people prefer to put their head in the sands. Not sure its really cheating if its sexless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the open marriage guy is obnoxious but he right that there is no such thing as a happy, sexless marriage and any man with a normal libido is going to cheat or he will divorce, depending on his circumstances. Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly but some people prefer to put their head in the sands. Not sure its really cheating if its sexless.

Cheating ends marriages WITH sex too. The cheating is the common factor. Plenty of cheaters are still having sex at home which is why gynecologists have to break the STI news to women that thought they were in a monogamous relationship or the AP finds out the wife is pregnant. They lie to the people they f*ck outside of marriage, just like they lie to their spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the open marriage guy is obnoxious but he right that there is no such thing as a happy, sexless marriage and any man with a normal libido is going to cheat or he will divorce, depending on his circumstances. Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly but some people prefer to put their head in the sands. Not sure its really cheating if its sexless.

Cheating ends marriages WITH sex too. The cheating is the common factor. Plenty of cheaters are still having sex at home which is why gynecologists have to break the STI news to women that thought they were in a monogamous relationship or the AP finds out the wife is pregnant. They lie to the people they f*ck outside of marriage, just like they lie to their spouses.

Yeah. I am going to wholeheartedly disagree with the statement: Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly. There is zero data to support this.

An entitled man (as 100% are that think it's okay to cheat) is going to think he deserves to get sex outside of the marriage. He will perform all kinds of mental gymnastics to justify it: I make a lot of $, I deserve this fun/nobody gets hurt, it's just sex, etc. Most male cheaters are grandiose and have high narcissistic tendencies that are only met by high amounts of external validation. It really doesn't matter what the wife does at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the open marriage guy is obnoxious but he right that there is no such thing as a happy, sexless marriage and any man with a normal libido is going to cheat or he will divorce, depending on his circumstances. Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly but some people prefer to put their head in the sands. Not sure its really cheating if its sexless.

Cheating ends marriages WITH sex too. The cheating is the common factor. Plenty of cheaters are still having sex at home which is why gynecologists have to break the STI news to women that thought they were in a monogamous relationship or the AP finds out the wife is pregnant. They lie to the people they f*ck outside of marriage, just like they lie to their spouses.

Yeah. I am going to wholeheartedly disagree with the statement: Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly. There is zero data to support this.

An entitled man (as 100% are that think it's okay to cheat) is going to think he deserves to get sex outside of the marriage. He will perform all kinds of mental gymnastics to justify it: I make a lot of $, I deserve this fun/nobody gets hurt, it's just sex, etc. Most male cheaters are grandiose and have high narcissistic tendencies that are only met by high amounts of external validation. It really doesn't matter what the wife does at that point.

Yep. A guy with a very high libido will think once or twice a week of sex is too low and go out and get more because he is being 'deprived' at home. Even in marriages with love and respect. The cheater has a very different mindset. They are messed up on the inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the open marriage guy is obnoxious but he right that there is no such thing as a happy, sexless marriage and any man with a normal libido is going to cheat or he will divorce, depending on his circumstances. Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly but some people prefer to put their head in the sands. Not sure its really cheating if its sexless.

Cheating ends marriages WITH sex too. The cheating is the common factor. Plenty of cheaters are still having sex at home which is why gynecologists have to break the STI news to women that thought they were in a monogamous relationship or the AP finds out the wife is pregnant. They lie to the people they f*ck outside of marriage, just like they lie to their spouses.

It's part of their 'character', liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the open marriage guy is obnoxious but he right that there is no such thing as a happy, sexless marriage and any man with a normal libido is going to cheat or he will divorce, depending on his circumstances. Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly but some people prefer to put their head in the sands. Not sure its really cheating if its sexless.

DP - open marriage guy is irritating for sure. but one thing I have to give him credit for is that he is consistent. he does not condone cheating. he "advises" that you agree to open the marriage if it is sexless. having it explicitly stated (and agreed to) would not be cheating, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the open marriage guy is obnoxious but he right that there is no such thing as a happy, sexless marriage and any man with a normal libido is going to cheat or he will divorce, depending on his circumstances. Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly but some people prefer to put their head in the sands. Not sure its really cheating if its sexless.

Cheating ends marriages WITH sex too. The cheating is the common factor. Plenty of cheaters are still having sex at home which is why gynecologists have to break the STI news to women that thought they were in a monogamous relationship or the AP finds out the wife is pregnant. They lie to the people they f*ck outside of marriage, just like they lie to their spouses.

Stop derailing subject "sexless marriage" thread with some extremly rare corner case of marriages WITH sex at home that involve cheating. That's totally off topic! Not to mention an infinitesimally rare occurrence, versus the majority case of sexless marriage = cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the open marriage guy is obnoxious but he right that there is no such thing as a happy, sexless marriage and any man with a normal libido is going to cheat or he will divorce, depending on his circumstances. Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly but some people prefer to put their head in the sands. Not sure its really cheating if its sexless.

Cheating ends marriages WITH sex too. The cheating is the common factor. Plenty of cheaters are still having sex at home which is why gynecologists have to break the STI news to women that thought they were in a monogamous relationship or the AP finds out the wife is pregnant. They lie to the people they f*ck outside of marriage, just like they lie to their spouses.

Stop derailing subject "sexless marriage" thread with some extremly rare corner case of marriages WITH sex at home that involve cheating. That's totally off topic! Not to mention an infinitesimally rare occurrence, versus the majority case of sexless marriage = cheating.

That a misconception. Lots of people cheat just because they want variety and the opportunity presents itself. Google “cheating myths.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the open marriage guy is obnoxious but he right that there is no such thing as a happy, sexless marriage and any man with a normal libido is going to cheat or he will divorce, depending on his circumstances. Loving couples with libido difference negotiate this honestly but some people prefer to put their head in the sands. Not sure its really cheating if its sexless.

Cheating ends marriages WITH sex too. The cheating is the common factor. Plenty of cheaters are still having sex at home which is why gynecologists have to break the STI news to women that thought they were in a monogamous relationship or the AP finds out the wife is pregnant. They lie to the people they f*ck outside of marriage, just like they lie to their spouses.

Stop derailing subject "sexless marriage" thread with some extremly rare corner case of marriages WITH sex at home that involve cheating. That's totally off topic! Not to mention an infinitesimally rare occurrence, versus the majority case of sexless marriage = cheating.

That a misconception. Lots of people cheat just because they want variety and the opportunity presents itself. Google “cheating myths.”

Yep. There is even a name for it: midlife crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is worth repeating.

Secret Affairs do NOT save marriages.

Five years after undergoing therapy, only 43% of couples who revealed and worked through their past indiscretions had opted for divorce, while a whopping 80% of couples whose marriages contained secret affairs were no longer together. This means the spouse never found out about the secret affair---yet 80% (80%!!) were divorced 5 years later. These are very unhealthy marriages.


On the surface, these numbers seem a little bit surprising. After all, if the betrayed partner doesn’t know about their spouse’s infidelity, it can’t hurt them, right? Wrong. As it turns out, lies and deceit don’t exactly make for a healthy relationship. Furthermore, when a cheating spouse admits to an affair, it usually means that the affair is over. By confessing to the infidelity, the unfaithful partner is often indicating that they are ready to live their life in a committed relationship once again. If their spouse can find forgiveness and also move on, then there might be a lot of hope for the relationship yet.

In a sexless marriage, there is no such thing as “living in a committed relationship once again”. That option was removed by the sexless wife. Her avoidance of sex has doomed the marriage to certain divorce, because normal healthy men do not stay celibate.

Why is this so hard for you to grasp? If a husband isn’t getting sex from his wife ... that marriage is 100% certain to divorce. The one and only way to avoid divorce is he gets sex elsewhere. In other words, his affair enables their platonic room mate marriage to continue (ie, the sexless marriage is saved from divorce).

[Anonymous]

Sexless Marriage guy will never be convinced. He thinks with the sophistication of a 15 year old. He says men need to "get sex" - this vocabulary belies a very immature view of adult relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is worth repeating.

Secret Affairs do NOT save marriages.

Five years after undergoing therapy, only 43% of couples who revealed and worked through their past indiscretions had opted for divorce, while a whopping 80% of couples whose marriages contained secret affairs were no longer together. This means the spouse never found out about the secret affair---yet 80% (80%!!) were divorced 5 years later. These are very unhealthy marriages.


On the surface, these numbers seem a little bit surprising. After all, if the betrayed partner doesn’t know about their spouse’s infidelity, it can’t hurt them, right? Wrong. As it turns out, lies and deceit don’t exactly make for a healthy relationship. Furthermore, when a cheating spouse admits to an affair, it usually means that the affair is over. By confessing to the infidelity, the unfaithful partner is often indicating that they are ready to live their life in a committed relationship once again. If their spouse can find forgiveness and also move on, then there might be a lot of hope for the relationship yet.

In a sexless marriage, there is no such thing as “living in a committed relationship once again”. That option was removed by the sexless wife. Her avoidance of sex has doomed the marriage to certain divorce, because normal healthy men do not stay celibate.

Why is this so hard for you to grasp? If a husband isn’t getting sex from his wife ... that marriage is 100% certain to divorce. The one and only way to avoid divorce is he gets sex elsewhere. In other words, his affair enables their platonic room mate marriage to continue (ie, the sexless marriage is saved from divorce).

When a man starts suffering from erectile dysfunctional, is his wife no longer living in a committed relationship because her husband took away the option from her when he stopped having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is worth repeating.

Secret Affairs do NOT save marriages.

Five years after undergoing therapy, only 43% of couples who revealed and worked through their past indiscretions had opted for divorce, while a whopping 80% of couples whose marriages contained secret affairs were no longer together. This means the spouse never found out about the secret affair---yet 80% (80%!!) were divorced 5 years later. These are very unhealthy marriages.


On the surface, these numbers seem a little bit surprising. After all, if the betrayed partner doesn’t know about their spouse’s infidelity, it can’t hurt them, right? Wrong. As it turns out, lies and deceit don’t exactly make for a healthy relationship. Furthermore, when a cheating spouse admits to an affair, it usually means that the affair is over. By confessing to the infidelity, the unfaithful partner is often indicating that they are ready to live their life in a committed relationship once again. If their spouse can find forgiveness and also move on, then there might be a lot of hope for the relationship yet.

In a sexless marriage, there is no such thing as “living in a committed relationship once again”. That option was removed by the sexless wife. Her avoidance of sex has doomed the marriage to certain divorce, because normal healthy men do not stay celibate.

Why is this so hard for you to grasp? If a husband isn’t getting sex from his wife ... that marriage is 100% certain to divorce. The one and only way to avoid divorce is he gets sex elsewhere. In other words, his affair enables their platonic room mate marriage to continue (ie, the sexless marriage is saved from divorce).

When a man starts suffering from erectile dysfunctional, is his wife no longer living in a committed relationship because her husband took away the option from her when he stopped having sex?

There are many ways to have “sex” which don’t depend on his erection. If he’s refusing all forms of sex, then Yes: the wife may open their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sexless Marriage guy will never be convinced. He thinks with the sophistication of a 15 year old. He says men need to "get sex" - this vocabulary belies a very immature view of adult relationships.

Convinced of what? I’m not wrong. You don’t like what I have to say, or maybe how I say it, but I speak the truth. Read up thread: others agree I am right.