to sexless marriage guy who says affairs save the marriage...

[Anonymous]

This is worth repeating.

Secret Affairs do NOT save marriages.

Five years after undergoing therapy, only 43% of couples who revealed and worked through their past indiscretions had opted for divorce, while a whopping 80% of couples whose marriages contained secret affairs were no longer together. This means the spouse never found out about the secret affair---yet 80% (80%!!) were divorced 5 years later. These are very unhealthy marriages.


On the surface, these numbers seem a little bit surprising. After all, if the betrayed partner doesn’t know about their spouse’s infidelity, it can’t hurt them, right? Wrong. As it turns out, lies and deceit don’t exactly make for a healthy relationship. Furthermore, when a cheating spouse admits to an affair, it usually means that the affair is over. By confessing to the infidelity, the unfaithful partner is often indicating that they are ready to live their life in a committed relationship once again. If their spouse can find forgiveness and also move on, then there might be a lot of hope for the relationship yet.

[Anonymous]

What you are saying, and I agree, is that it is a lot of work to keep secrets.

[Anonymous]

I imagine many people who are carrying on these affairs are kind of biding their time until they can get divorced, but it does seem like affairs might make sense in theory but not in practice. I think it’s the same for open marriages too. A lot of people make it work but the vast majority don’t seem to.

[Anonymous]

So affairs are successful in saving 20% of low sex marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So affairs are successful in saving 20% of low sex marriages.

Only assuming they otherwise would have failed, which is an unwarranted assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So affairs are successful in saving 20% of low sex marriages.

80% is much higher than the typical divorce rate (with or w/out affairs), especially in long marriages--where the average divorce rate has dropped well below 40%.

It's disgusting. And, as is stated, the marriage is a cancer at the point one is secretly banging outside the marriage--filled with deceit, lies and resentment and time and mental space invested elsewhere away from children and spouse.

Sexless marriage guy is the Simone Biles of mental gymnastics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So affairs are successful in saving 20% of low sex marriages.

Only assuming they otherwise would have failed, which is an unwarranted assumption.

Yes. PP was not a statistics major apparently...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is worth repeating.

Secret Affairs do NOT save marriages.

Five years after undergoing therapy, only 43% of couples who revealed and worked through their past indiscretions had opted for divorce, while a whopping 80% of couples whose marriages contained secret affairs were no longer together. This means the spouse never found out about the secret affair---yet 80% (80%!!) were divorced 5 years later. These are very unhealthy marriages.


On the surface, these numbers seem a little bit surprising. After all, if the betrayed partner doesn’t know about their spouse’s infidelity, it can’t hurt them, right? Wrong. As it turns out, lies and deceit don’t exactly make for a healthy relationship. Furthermore, when a cheating spouse admits to an affair, it usually means that the affair is over. By confessing to the infidelity, the unfaithful partner is often indicating that they are ready to live their life in a committed relationship once again. If their spouse can find forgiveness and also move on, then there might be a lot of hope for the relationship yet.

Do you realize how little sense this makes? A partner kept their affair a secret, but somehow they have the data to know that secret ended 80% of marriages? Total BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is worth repeating.

Secret Affairs do NOT save marriages.

Five years after undergoing therapy, only 43% of couples who revealed and worked through their past indiscretions had opted for divorce, while a whopping 80% of couples whose marriages contained secret affairs were no longer together. This means the spouse never found out about the secret affair---yet 80% (80%!!) were divorced 5 years later. These are very unhealthy marriages.


On the surface, these numbers seem a little bit surprising. After all, if the betrayed partner doesn’t know about their spouse’s infidelity, it can’t hurt them, right? Wrong. As it turns out, lies and deceit don’t exactly make for a healthy relationship. Furthermore, when a cheating spouse admits to an affair, it usually means that the affair is over. By confessing to the infidelity, the unfaithful partner is often indicating that they are ready to live their life in a committed relationship once again. If their spouse can find forgiveness and also move on, then there might be a lot of hope for the relationship yet.

Do you realize how little sense this makes? A partner kept their affair a secret, but somehow they have the data to know that secret ended 80% of marriages? Total BS.

Well, I’m assuming the affair was kept secret from the spouse, not the researchers.

[Anonymous]

I'm part of the 20% who's still with my husband after a long term affair that was never discovered. It depends on the reason for the affair - is it permanent incompatibility or situational?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm part of the 20% who's still with my husband after a long term affair that was never discovered. It depends on the reason for the affair - is it permanent incompatibility or situational?

oh really--so what was your situational reason?

[Anonymous]

It’s not just men having relationships on the dl without their spouse knowing. More that a handful of comments on here from women happily doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not just men having relationships on the dl without their spouse knowing. More that a handful of comments on here from women happily doing so.

That's a given. There are tons of whores on Ashley Madison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not just men having relationships on the dl without their spouse knowing. More that a handful of comments on here from women happily doing so.

Sounds like OP is addressing one guy on DCUM who frequently espouses the opinion that affairs save marriages? Am I mistaken?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not just men having relationships on the dl without their spouse knowing. More that a handful of comments on here from women happily doing so.

That's a given. There are tons of whores on Ashley Madison.

Hey. Don’t shame whores. Not all of them are cheating or breaking up marriages.