S/O input from women/moms 50+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't parent the world. Sometimes it's best not to offer advice/help. Younger mothers are definitely from a different world. I learned the hard way to NEVER EVER give advice unless I'm asked and then I sometimes say I don't know. I for sure wouldn't do it to a stranger. Younger mothers have rabies.

My DIL once told me

" This is OUR child. I will raise her the best way I know how and it won't be some 50s style of parenting. You raised your, I'll raise mine "

All because I offered advice on diapers. DIAPERS. Needless to say that right there ended any relationship we might have had. Live and learn.

Needless to say, no one welcomes an unsolicited advice on anything. So you're right, never ever do that!
I can't believe we even need to discuss that.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe that they don't use the seatbelt on the shopping carts. These same parents who put their kids in a helmet for anything on wheels (except strollers and cars) and have to keep their kids in carseats until they are 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe that they don't use the seatbelt on the shopping carts. These same parents who put their kids in a helmet for anything on wheels (except strollers and cars) and have to keep their kids in carseats until they are 6.

A booster seat, the kind that is placed under them to "boost" them a few inches, positions the child so that the seatbelts, which is designed for larger bodies, sits correctly across their hip bones and chest. I'm not seeing how this a problem.

[Anonymous]

I'm betting OP is not a parent. I have noticed that people who have never raised a kid, are the ones that usually give 'advice' to parents. I think that OP may have been criticizing the young mom by her comment, which sounded like "you are not watching your child properly and I would like to point it out to you". So check yourself OP.

I am a parent of grown children BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't parent the world. Sometimes it's best not to offer advice/help. Younger mothers are definitely from a different world. I learned the hard way to NEVER EVER give advice unless I'm asked and then I sometimes say I don't know. I for sure wouldn't do it to a stranger. Younger mothers have rabies.

My DIL once told me

" This is OUR child. I will raise her the best way I know how and it won't be some 50s style of parenting. You raised your, I'll raise mine "

All because I offered advice on diapers. DIAPERS. Needless to say that right there ended any relationship we might have had. Live and learn.

Maybe it's the way you said it?

I'm 50, and my mom still tries to tell me how to parent, but she says it in such a way that comes across as patronizing and condescending. She thinks she knows better because she raised 4 kids the old fashion way.

I don't have a good relationship with her, either.

If your comment was based on 1980s diaper technology, then you were wrong. Consider that things really do change over time.

That is so true. So many things have changed and products are better now. Older mom's like me, have to relearn stuff for our grandkids. But, it's all good!

[Anonymous]

Okay, I’m intrigued- what’s so different about diapers now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I’m intrigued- what’s so different about diapers now?

I had my first baby in 2009, and my youngest sibling was born in 1989.

I could NOT believe how much they had changed in those 20 years. They’re super thin and dramatically more absorbent. I’m guessing they have a lot more chemicals in them to support all that absorption, but I always used them. I’m sure they’ve changed again in the last decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, I’m intrigued- what’s so different about diapers now?

I had my first baby in 2009, and my youngest sibling was born in 1989.

I could NOT believe how much they had changed in those 20 years. They’re super thin and dramatically more absorbent. I’m guessing they have a lot more chemicals in them to support all that absorption, but I always used them. I’m sure they’ve changed again in the last decade.

I should add that I have a friend whose son got a chemical burn from his pampers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't parent the world. Sometimes it's best not to offer advice/help. Younger mothers are definitely from a different world. I learned the hard way to NEVER EVER give advice unless I'm asked and then I sometimes say I don't know. I for sure wouldn't do it to a stranger. Younger mothers have rabies.

My DIL once told me

" This is OUR child. I will raise her the best way I know how and it won't be some 50s style of parenting. You raised your, I'll raise mine "

All because I offered advice on diapers. DIAPERS. Needless to say that right there ended any relationship we might have had. Live and learn.

OP is talking about something where the kid could have had an accident leading to permanent brain damage. You are talking about diapers. OP needed to speak up. You should have MYOB.

[Anonymous]

I think it's the person you talked to, not the age group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Based on the lack of responses from those 50+ and the overwhelming responses from younger mothers, the resounding advice is to MYOB when it comes to their children even in dangerous situations.

Next time I'll just walk by.

I'm 50+ and would guess it was the way you said it, not what you said. As others have suggested, I would have said to the child "Hey, bud, careful there" and then smiled at the mom and said, "Oy, I had an acrobat just like this little guy." That approach usually works for me, probably because the subtext is "I've been there, sister", rather than "You're not watching your kid."

51 here. That’s a great way to handle it. Or maybe I’ll say something like- “That brings back memories!” I don’t know. It would have to be a dangerous situation like the OP mentioned. It is hard to be a mom of young kids. I’m sure I was plenty defensive and don’t even remember it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:34 yo here- I would have said to the boy "you better sit down or you're going to fall." I don't mind people speaking up to my kids. Some women go too far though with preaching to you though. A woman got in a nasty debate on my facebook moms group recently about prenatal vitamins. She says moms who took gummy don't care enough about their babies. Other moms screamed back that they had hyperemesis or whatever. Or debates over a lovey in the crib at 9 months.

I actually witnessed a heartbreaking scene a few weeks ago. A car seat was on top of a shopping cart and the car seat fell and landed face down. The baby was strapped in thankfully. But it was an infant <1 month old and was screaming so much his face was blue. The mom just plopped him back on the cart. We tried to help (my shopping companion was an OB), but there was a language barrier too. We could tell the mom cared about the baby though. I had wanted to say something and didn't before the baby fell. I've been thinking a lot about it and why I didn't speak up. I feel like I didn't want to be patronizing (she was poor, very young and an immigrant) so I didn't speak up, when I normally do. The baby clearly could have died.

Last year, I watched a toddler stand up on the seat and cause the cart to flip over on him. It happened in seconds and another witness and I ran over as the mom stood frozen in horror. The boy was so frightened that it took a bit for him to start screaming. He had a gash on his forehead that was pouring blood. I pulled out my phone and called 911. At that, the mom freaked and grabbed the child away from us. She ran out of the store. I want to believe she took him to the ER herself, but I think she might have been afraid of the authorities.

These types of injuries are very common.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24351504/

I am a safety researcher...who has to bite my tongue often throughout the day, seeing the risks that uninformed parents take. I speak up SOMETIMES (not often). It is always a crapshoot about whether they will appreciate it or get defensive/angry. I only step in if I fear that the kid is in serious/imminent danger.

People take umbrage when they perceive you as saying they aren't good parents (or that you care about their child more than they do)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:34 yo here- I would have said to the boy "you better sit down or you're going to fall." I don't mind people speaking up to my kids. Some women go too far though with preaching to you though. A woman got in a nasty debate on my facebook moms group recently about prenatal vitamins. She says moms who took gummy don't care enough about their babies. Other moms screamed back that they had hyperemesis or whatever. Or debates over a lovey in the crib at 9 months.

I actually witnessed a heartbreaking scene a few weeks ago. A car seat was on top of a shopping cart and the car seat fell and landed face down. The baby was strapped in thankfully. But it was an infant <1 month old and was screaming so much his face was blue. The mom just plopped him back on the cart. We tried to help (my shopping companion was an OB), but there was a language barrier too. We could tell the mom cared about the baby though. I had wanted to say something and didn't before the baby fell. I've been thinking a lot about it and why I didn't speak up. I feel like I didn't want to be patronizing (she was poor, very young and an immigrant) so I didn't speak up, when I normally do. The baby clearly could have died.

Last year, I watched a toddler stand up on the seat and cause the cart to flip over on him. It happened in seconds and another witness and I ran over as the mom stood frozen in horror. The boy was so frightened that it took a bit for him to start screaming. He had a gash on his forehead that was pouring blood. I pulled out my phone and called 911. At that, the mom freaked and grabbed the child away from us. She ran out of the store. I want to believe she took him to the ER herself, but I think she might have been afraid of the authorities.

These types of injuries are very common.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24351504/

I am a safety researcher...who has to bite my tongue often throughout the day, seeing the risks that uninformed parents take. I speak up SOMETIMES (not often). It is always a crapshoot about whether they will appreciate it or get defensive/angry. I only step in if I fear that the kid is in serious/imminent danger.

People take umbrage when they perceive you as saying they aren't good parents (or that you care about their child more than they do)

"The annual concussion/closed head injury rate per 10 000 children increased significantly (P < .001) by 213.3% from 0.64 in 1990 to 2.02 in 2011."

Thank you for posting this factual information. I find it relevant the increase of head injuries from 1990 to 2011. Perhaps there is correlation to the increase of mothers who seem to indeed get angry and defensive at others' warnings. Results? Could it partially be because, like you, people no longer speak up due to hostile maternal reactions. Yet the children are increasingly getting hurt. Now THAT would be worth a study.

"The annual concussion/closed head injury rate per 10 000 children increased significantly (P < .001) by 213.3% from 0.64 in 1990 to 2.02 in 2011."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 53 and I don't want to be told how to parent by a stranger. I wouldn't have said anything to you.

But I also don't say anything to other people whose parenting I don't approve of.

Its not about parenting though, its so the kid doesn't fall hit his head and have a serious injury. Its about the child's welfare, it is odd that a parent wouldn't appreciate a heads up that their child may be in danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:34 yo here- I would have said to the boy "you better sit down or you're going to fall." I don't mind people speaking up to my kids. Some women go too far though with preaching to you though. A woman got in a nasty debate on my facebook moms group recently about prenatal vitamins. She says moms who took gummy don't care enough about their babies. Other moms screamed back that they had hyperemesis or whatever. Or debates over a lovey in the crib at 9 months.

I actually witnessed a heartbreaking scene a few weeks ago. A car seat was on top of a shopping cart and the car seat fell and landed face down. The baby was strapped in thankfully. But it was an infant <1 month old and was screaming so much his face was blue. The mom just plopped him back on the cart. We tried to help (my shopping companion was an OB), but there was a language barrier too. We could tell the mom cared about the baby though. I had wanted to say something and didn't before the baby fell. I've been thinking a lot about it and why I didn't speak up. I feel like I didn't want to be patronizing (she was poor, very young and an immigrant) so I didn't speak up, when I normally do. The baby clearly could have died.

Last year, I watched a toddler stand up on the seat and cause the cart to flip over on him. It happened in seconds and another witness and I ran over as the mom stood frozen in horror. The boy was so frightened that it took a bit for him to start screaming. He had a gash on his forehead that was pouring blood. I pulled out my phone and called 911. At that, the mom freaked and grabbed the child away from us. She ran out of the store. I want to believe she took him to the ER herself, but I think she might have been afraid of the authorities.

These types of injuries are very common.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24351504/

I am a safety researcher...who has to bite my tongue often throughout the day, seeing the risks that uninformed parents take. I speak up SOMETIMES (not often). It is always a crapshoot about whether they will appreciate it or get defensive/angry. I only step in if I fear that the kid is in serious/imminent danger.

People take umbrage when they perceive you as saying they aren't good parents (or that you care about their child more than they do)

"The annual concussion/closed head injury rate per 10 000 children increased significantly (P < .001) by 213.3% from 0.64 in 1990 to 2.02 in 2011."

Thank you for posting this factual information. I find it relevant the increase of head injuries from 1990 to 2011. Perhaps there is correlation to the increase of mothers who seem to indeed get angry and defensive at others' warnings. Results? Could it partially be because, like you, people no longer speak up due to hostile maternal reactions. Yet the children are increasingly getting hurt. Now THAT would be worth a study.

"The annual concussion/closed head injury rate per 10 000 children increased significantly (P < .001) by 213.3% from 0.64 in 1990 to 2.02 in 2011."

I did not say I never speak up. I said that as a safety researcher, I could spend all day everyday giving out advice to parents. They sometimes appreciate that and often resent it. I limit my comments to situations that seem to pose imminent or serious danger.

For the record, when I see a pattern of repeated injuries from the same activity/product, I blame the stores/cart designers. Kids will be kids and shoppers have to multitask. If thousands of kids a year get injured using their product, they should redesign it or stop encouraging kids riding in them.