S/O input from women/moms 50+
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Anonymous
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Shopping in a grocery store today I noticed an early 30ish mother with a toddler (about 2 years old) in a cart. Mom was about 10 feet away, looking at items on the shelf and had her back turned to child. The boy was not buckled into cart and was standing up on seat, bent over grabbing the cart handle and was leaning across it head-first. Obviously dangerous. I alerted mom and said "Look at your boy - he may fall!"
Mom, in an obviously annoyed voice says, "He's fine. I don't need advice from you on how to care for my child." Is this an age thing? I don't remember mothers my generation getting so huffy when someone tried to assist when their child might be endangered. We'd usually say thanks or I've got him or tell the kid to sit down. Some other women my age have told me they have the same experience with younger parents. We may make a benign comment, even a compliment, towards a child and in return get ripped a new one by the parent for being intrusive. "Oh what a cute hat!" gets a response of a dirty look. I understand the world is a dangerous place and we have to protect children. But really...a middle-aged woman complimenting your kid right in front of you deserves a dirty look? Have we reached the point where people's children are so off-limits you can't even acknowledge when they may be endangered? It is so sad to think that this is what we as a society have come to. |
Anonymous
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no, it's just a b1tch thing.
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Anonymous
| also, you're better off posting this in the infant/toddler forum, not midlife. |
Anonymous
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34 yo here- I would have said to the boy "you better sit down or you're going to fall." I don't mind people speaking up to my kids. Some women go too far though with preaching to you though. A woman got in a nasty debate on my facebook moms group recently about prenatal vitamins. She says moms who took gummy don't care enough about their babies. Other moms screamed back that they had hyperemesis or whatever. Or debates over a lovey in the crib at 9 months.
I actually witnessed a heartbreaking scene a few weeks ago. A car seat was on top of a shopping cart and the car seat fell and landed face down. The baby was strapped in thankfully. But it was an infant <1 month old and was screaming so much his face was blue. The mom just plopped him back on the cart. We tried to help (my shopping companion was an OB), but there was a language barrier too. We could tell the mom cared about the baby though. I had wanted to say something and didn't before the baby fell. I've been thinking a lot about it and why I didn't speak up. I feel like I didn't want to be patronizing (she was poor, very young and an immigrant) so I didn't speak up, when I normally do. The baby clearly could have died. |
Anonymous
This forum is described as, "Previously, the Fifty and Over Forum. Discussion by and about the older and wiser crowd including issues faced by those aging and and caring for those who are aging. |
Anonymous
Last year, I watched a toddler stand up on the seat and cause the cart to flip over on him. It happened in seconds and another witness and I ran over as the mom stood frozen in horror. The boy was so frightened that it took a bit for him to start screaming. He had a gash on his forehead that was pouring blood. I pulled out my phone and called 911. At that, the mom freaked and grabbed the child away from us. She ran out of the store. I want to believe she took him to the ER herself, but I think she might have been afraid of the authorities. |
Anonymous
| Why would this have anything to do with age? She was just a being a b*tch. Way to generalize an entire age group of mothers though! |
Anonymous
| I have been feeling as if anything you say to any given person might be offensive. The world feels like a minefield. I'm so damn old. |
Anonymous
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You can't parent the world. Sometimes it's best not to offer advice/help. Younger mothers are definitely from a different world. I learned the hard way to NEVER EVER give advice unless I'm asked and then I sometimes say I don't know. I for sure wouldn't do it to a stranger. Younger mothers have rabies.
My DIL once told me " This is OUR child. I will raise her the best way I know how and it won't be some 50s style of parenting. You raised your, I'll raise mine " All because I offered advice on diapers. DIAPERS. Needless to say that right there ended any relationship we might have had. Live and learn. |
Anonymous
| OP, younger people are such snowflakes, so sensitive. Thus almost everything you read on DCUM |
Anonymous
But what do you expect the "older/wiser" crowd to say about this? If you are trying to understand if this is a younger mom issue, then ask the younger moms why they would respond this way. |
Anonymous
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I'm 53 and I don't want to be told how to parent by a stranger. I wouldn't have said anything to you.
But I also don't say anything to other people whose parenting I don't approve of. |
Anonymous
This is so true! My dh (who is nice and well liked by most) trained a young man ho complained to the boss that he thought dh bdidn't like him. The reason? Dh didn't tell him when it was time for lunch break. Typically, lunch break occurs when you are ready for lunch, which dh relayed to him on day one. The guy wanted his hand held. |
Anonymous
This wasn't parenting though. It was a potential dangerous situation. Like, "don't touch the firepit, it's hot." |
Anonymous
Maybe it's the way you said it? I'm 50, and my mom still tries to tell me how to parent, but she says it in such a way that comes across as patronizing and condescending. She thinks she knows better because she raised 4 kids the old fashion way. I don't have a good relationship with her, either. |