How do you politely decline a request of guardianship?

[Anonymous]

Secondary guardians to a 16 year old I would say yes, knowing that the odds are so slim of me having to live up to my promise. But I would also live up to my promise.

If I truly felt unable I would say so - knowing that there is almost no way to say no that wouldn't be hard, but I wouldn't lie or make the promise if I knew I really couldn't do it.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the just say yes people, since even with COVID it seems really unlikely that it will come to this. But if you do say no, just talk about being overwhelmed with the combination of your ow kids and against parents and do not mention the kid’s behavior issues.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t agree to the guardianship knowing our nuclear family couldn’t handle it. There’s not guarantee the 16 year old’s needs will end at 18.

[Anonymous]

Say you are honored, but feel that you are juggling too much in your own lives right now to do justice to what a grieving teen would need.

[Anonymous]

Do you live in the same town? If you do not, they it is easy. It would be too disruptive to move the 16 yo at a time when he lost so much but you also can’t give up jobs / homes / kids school. The logistics of you taking over care would be too unsettling for the teen. You would worry that it would not be in the best interest of the kid. But, you are happy to be a second set of hands / eyes to watch over, care for, and guide him as long as needed and would be happy to connect with the people they chose as guardians now to start to form a bond.

[Anonymous]

We said no to DH's cousin, who DH isn't close to, when the cousin asked us to be guardians of their two kids. At the time, DH and I were living in a one bedroom, no kids yet. We talked about it seriously, but ultimately weren't willing to disrupt our life plans for people we barely knew. We also suspected undiagnosed issues (kids are biological siblings, but were adopted and their mom used drugs during pregnancy). What I learned is that it's easy to say no to a distant relative - I don't think there's been any contact with that cousin in ten years.

[Anonymous]

The odds that you will be called on to actually step is are low. Just say yes and avoid the uncomfortable scene.

[Anonymous]

My parents said no to my mom's cousin, who had two young boys while my brother and I were young and both boys had behavioral issues. My mom's cousin was undergoing treatment for cancer and was traveling a lot with her husband (the boys would stay with her mom), so they were naturally very concerned about guardianship. My brother and I did not get along with those boys, and my parents had their hands full as a dual-income family raising two young kids, so my mom said no. I'm sure it was an awkward conversation (I was not aware of it at the time, only later in life), but they remained friends.

[Anonymous]

It would be fewer than two years. He has two parents and you are the second in line to the primary backup.

I would say yes. The court makes the final decision in our state. Saying yes now does not mean you would be chosen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say yes, if you're secondary guardians that means 4 adults will have to die within 2 years before they get to you.

Its never going to happen. Say yes and keep everyone happy.

+1

Consider it a weird but true honor that you are entrusted in this way.

- Mom of 3 + legally-designated guardian for both my sister's 4DC and brother's 2DC...and this is not reciprocal.

[Anonymous]

As someone who had to rely on guardians, please don’t step up if you’re not going to follow through the moment that boy needs your help. I would consider beyond the age of 18 as well. If not you it’s better they can have someone else’s doorstep they can show up on at midnight with their problems.

Our father died in his 70s and my mom was diagnosed with dementia soon after. I was off to college, but my younger sister was still in the home and for some reason the primary guardians didn’t step too rapidly because they thought my mother could still handle things at home.(Dementia is a slow progression right??!)

My sister ended up getting raped, while my mother was home.

And now the Guardians not only have the behavior issues from before, but the trauma of a rape victim.

[Anonymous]

The person I asked to be my kids guardian said no. Its okay to say no. The reasoning was because they were almost done raising kids and my kids are more than a decade younger. I just moved on and listed someone else. I think you should tell the persons so there will be no suprises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My much-older cousin emailed me asking if my husband and I could be listed as guardians of her son should anything happen to her.
She is 70; her husband is 60, so it's not out of the realm of possibility.
We would be secondary guardians; she asked family friends to be first in line.
Son is 16, and she says he'd only need a guardian until 18. So it's only two years that we could possibly be on the line.

I want to say yes but also feel - like it's a lot. The son has some behavioral issues. We also have two young kids and aging parents ourselves. But I do not want to let her down. WWYD? If we said no, how would we frame it? I like her very much.

So you are not even primary guardians and the kid is 16? If you say no do you not realize that you will harm your relationship? Personally I would say yes because you are the back up! But, if you say no there isn't any real way to put a nice spin on it. Just be prepared for cousin to be hurt.

This. In these situations, the parents are trying to find someone to care for their orphaned child who is alone in the world. There's no good way to say sorry but I won't step in. It will hurt your relationship. Plus, wouldn't you really step in if this kid - your relative - is truly alone in the world?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had to rely on guardians, please don’t step up if you’re not going to follow through the moment that boy needs your help. I would consider beyond the age of 18 as well. If not you it’s better they can have someone else’s doorstep they can show up on at midnight with their problems.

Our father died in his 70s and my mom was diagnosed with dementia soon after. I was off to college, but my younger sister was still in the home and for some reason the primary guardians didn’t step too rapidly because they thought my mother could still handle things at home.(Dementia is a slow progression right??!)

My sister ended up getting raped, while my mother was home.

And now the Guardians not only have the behavior issues from before, but the trauma of a rape victim.

I'm so sorry. How's your sister doing now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So, you’re secondary guardians?? Just say yes. Both your cousin AND 2 other adults have to die in the next 2 years for this to even be an issue.

Wait. So Covid's NOT going to kill everyone?!?!?