Apologized to former MIL

[Anonymous]

Well your relationship with your ex Mil has nothing to do with your wife. If you need to make amends it doesn't matter that your wife has done anything for you. Your wife doesn't own you she doesn't get to tell you how to treat other people. Its your business and if you need to make amends it's better for your health and good for your ex Mil.

There are literally no negatives to making amends and being kind to someone. I bet you felt better after the talk with your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. I don’t mean to troll. This is sort of therapeutic, as I slowly think things through and try to regain my sanity and bearings. I’m utterly isolated, cognitively damaged, and very depressed (thanks Wellbutrin) so I appreciate those of you who can put up with me.

The responses when we fight always seem to come down to “after all I’ve done for you!”

OP, aside from financially, why do you feel trapped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we can’t help you. You are clearly resigned to having your life utterly destroyed by your current wife, and instead of reclaiming your balls and walking away, all you do is post asinine questions on DCUM. No one here can solve that issue for you.

AMEN

+ 1
OP is seriously annoying. Everytime I read his whiny gutless posts I want to do bodily harm to him. I can't muster an iota of sympathy for him though I really feel bad for his biological kids who got this man as their dad.

[Anonymous]

+ 1
OP is seriously annoying. Everytime I read his whiny gutless posts I want to do bodily harm to him. I can't muster an iota of sympathy for him though I really feel bad for his biological kids who got this man as their dad.

This is so gratuitously cruel it’s disgusting. Gutless is posting something like this behind the veil of an anonymous forum.

Pretend like we know who you are and then post - hopefully, that will prevent you from needlessly attacking others like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. I don’t mean to troll. This is sort of therapeutic, as I slowly think things through and try to regain my sanity and bearings. I’m utterly isolated, cognitively damaged, and very depressed (thanks Wellbutrin) so I appreciate those of you who can put up with me.

The responses when we fight always seem to come down to “after all I’ve done for you!”

OP, aside from financially, why do you feel trapped?

I made a promise, in a church, to marry her. I am a Christian and as naive as that may sound and may be I take it seriously. The first promise I made - the best one - I broke. I'm scared of what happens if I do it again.

She has no source of income apart from mine. (Of course I am effed financially, but for now anyway I am THE income.)

I am scared about my mental and physical health being alone. I have not been "independent" (solo) to speak of since about four months after graduating from college almost 25 years ago.

Her kids have not had a stable father figure in years. Only one kid is left at home. Granted, I am doing a piss-poor job of being a step dad because I came in late to the picture, because of depression, and because I feel so utterly disconnected from their mother. I just can't feel like I can honestly generate the enthusiasm when I feel so ambiguously about their mother.

Wife noted with bitterness the other day I only seem happy when I am texting or talking to my kids. She was right. We miss each other terribly and it's almost like the past year-year and a half didn't happen. I apologized to my kids and my youngest sent me the sweetest message back, basically saying "you're my father, I forgave you a long time ago" and she accepted my explanation of why I went radio silent (trying to save my health by avoiding drama - I didn't get into the detail of the drama being largely driven by my wife).

If she had a job and could support herself in any way I probably would have given up and left by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well your relationship with your ex Mil has nothing to do with your wife. If you need to make amends it doesn't matter that your wife has done anything for you. Your wife doesn't own you she doesn't get to tell you how to treat other people. Its your business and if you need to make amends it's better for your health and good for your ex Mil.

There are literally no negatives to making amends and being kind to someone. I bet you felt better after the talk with your MIL[u].

I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

I decided to go ahead and send my former B-I-L a message on FB - I have no idea if he'll read it - but I apologized, told him I missed the family, told him I feel like I let his father down (NB: on his deathbed, his father asked me to take care of his daughter...that's been a heavy weight to carry around), told him I appreciate the memories we have from family time, etc.

I come from a very small family and I lost a lot of people during the divorce - the family I never had of "my own" but always wanted. I miss all of them. Divorce in my case was a huge error and I am an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well your relationship with your ex Mil has nothing to do with your wife. If you need to make amends it doesn't matter that your wife has done anything for you. Your wife doesn't own you she doesn't get to tell you how to treat other people. Its your business and if you need to make amends it's better for your health and good for your ex Mil.

There are literally no negatives to making amends and being kind to someone. I bet you felt better after the talk with your MIL[u].

I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

I decided to go ahead and send my former B-I-L a message on FB - I have no idea if he'll read it - but I apologized, told him I missed the family, told him I feel like I let his father down (NB: on his deathbed, his father asked me to take care of his daughter...that's been a heavy weight to carry around), told him I appreciate the memories we have from family time, etc.

I come from a very small family and I lost a lot of people during the divorce - the family I never had of "my own" but always wanted. I miss all of them. Divorce in my case was a huge error and I am an idiot.

And you'd be committing another huge error by not divorcing your current wife.

She's abusive and controlling. She separates you from your kids, your other relations. She's toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well your relationship with your ex Mil has nothing to do with your wife. If you need to make amends it doesn't matter that your wife has done anything for you. Your wife doesn't own you she doesn't get to tell you how to treat other people. Its your business and if you need to make amends it's better for your health and good for your ex Mil.

There are literally no negatives to making amends and being kind to someone. I bet you felt better after the talk with your MIL[u].

I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders.

I decided to go ahead and send my former B-I-L a message on FB - I have no idea if he'll read it - but I apologized, told him I missed the family, told him I feel like I let his father down (NB: on his deathbed, his father asked me to take care of his daughter...that's been a heavy weight to carry around), told him I appreciate the memories we have from family time, etc.

I come from a very small family and I lost a lot of people during the divorce - the family I never had of "my own" but always wanted. I miss all of them. Divorce in my case was a huge error and I am an idiot.

And you'd be committing another huge error by not divorcing your current wife.

She's abusive and controlling. She separates you from your kids, your other relations. She's toxic.

What is stopping OP from doing what he needs to do and divorce her? He is torturing his own kids. He is allowing her to abuse and control him. OR it could be very well that he is a psycho who is weaving this huge story on DCUM and will one day kill his second wife or run away with her money.

I am betting that OP has an addiction issue of some sort and he is the one without a job and a house. He is not leaving his wife because he is the freeloader!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+ 1
OP is seriously annoying. Everytime I read his whiny gutless posts I want to do bodily harm to him. I can't muster an iota of sympathy for him though I really feel bad for his biological kids who got this man as their dad.

This is so gratuitously cruel it’s disgusting. Gutless is posting something like this behind the veil of an anonymous forum.

Pretend like we know who you are and then post - hopefully, that will prevent you from needlessly attacking others like this.

I am pretending that you know who I am as well as who OP is. He is a manipulative selfish freeloader. He will leave the wife and go to his kids who now have the money to pay for this freeloader. He is a piece of crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. I don’t mean to troll. This is sort of therapeutic, as I slowly think things through and try to regain my sanity and bearings. I’m utterly isolated, cognitively damaged, and very depressed (thanks Wellbutrin) so I appreciate those of you who can put up with me.

The responses when we fight always seem to come down to “after all I’ve done for you!”

OP, aside from financially, why do you feel trapped?

I made a promise, in a church, to marry her. I am a Christian and as naive as that may sound and may be I take it seriously. The first promise I made - the best one - I broke. I'm scared of what happens if I do it again.

She has no source of income apart from mine. (Of course I am effed financially, but for now anyway I am THE income.)

I am scared about my mental and physical health being alone. I have not been "independent" (solo) to speak of since about four months after graduating from college almost 25 years ago.

Her kids have not had a stable father figure in years. Only one kid is left at home. Granted, [b]I am doing a piss-poor job of being a step dad because I came in late to the picture, because of depression, and because I feel so utterly disconnected from their mother. I just can't feel like I can honestly generate the enthusiasm when I feel so ambiguously about their mother.

Wife noted with bitterness the other day I only seem happy when I am texting or talking to my kids. She was right. We miss each other terribly and it's almost like the past year-year and a half didn't happen. I apologized to my kids and my youngest sent me the sweetest message back, basically saying "you're my father, I forgave you a long time ago" and she accepted my explanation of why I went radio silent (trying to save my health by avoiding drama - I didn't get into the detail of the drama being largely driven by my wife).

If she had a job and could support herself in any way I probably would have given up and left by now.

Your entire narration is that of an NPD or a BPD master manipulator.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why some characterize OP as a freeloader. The personality revealed in various threads seems fairly consistent and convinces me. Depression is a trap.

[Anonymous]

What does OP want from us? I can understand the need to manipulate people you meet who can do something for you but this forum is anonymous. What is there for him to gain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does OP want from us? I can understand the need to manipulate people you meet who can do something for you but this forum is anonymous. What is there for him to gain?

He is basically using this thread and forum to show his kids and family that he is "atoning". Mainly he wants to ditch his second wife and kids because he does not want to support them or is financially ruined and wants to save his backside.

He is creating a "paper trail" of his remorse and atonement. He is showing that he is so scared and feeble that he cannot leave his 2nd wife. LOL.

Then he will direct his kids or relatives here, or these people are already on DCUM. What an utter POS person he is! He is a vindictive man who wants to WIN and come out ahead of his 2nd wife and kids if/when he leaves them.

His first wife knows what a POS he is and has already married and moved on. He is basically preying on the emotions of his biological kids so that he can park his ass in their lives.

[Anonymous]

He is a manipulator. Apologizing to ex-MIL who is now on her deathbed. Apologizing to ex-BIL and invoking the name of his ex-FIL and the "promise" that he broke. He is laying in the groundwork and trying to rebuild the bridges that he burned. Mainly because he is financially broke. He is trying to leave in the way that he does not owe the 2nd wife and her kids anything and do not incur a loss.

Whenever COVID is over, he will leave the current wife who has to deal with this man. I pity that woman because she and her kids got this horrible man in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is a manipulator. Apologizing to ex-MIL who is now on her deathbed. Apologizing to ex-BIL and invoking the name of his ex-FIL and the "promise" that he broke. He is laying in the groundwork and trying to rebuild the bridges that he burned. Mainly because he is financially broke. He is trying to leave in the way that he does not owe the 2nd wife and her kids anything and do not incur a loss.

Whenever COVID is over, he will leave the current wife who has to deal with this man. I pity that woman because she and her kids got this horrible man in their lives.

Well a man is not a plan. She already saw him ditch his first wife and kids so she should have kept working.