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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to troll.  This is sort of therapeutic, as I slowly think things through and try to regain my sanity and bearings.  I’m utterly isolated, cognitively damaged, and very depressed (thanks Wellbutrin) so I appreciate those of you who can put up with me.

The responses when we fight always seem to come down to “after all I’ve done for you!”[/quote]

OP, aside from financially, why do you feel trapped?[/quote]

I made a promise, in a church, to marry her.  I am a Christian and as naive as that may sound and may be I take it seriously.  The first promise I made - the best one - I broke.  I'm scared of what happens if I do it again.

She has no source of income apart from mine.  (Of course I am effed financially, but for now anyway I am THE income.)

I am scared about my mental and physical health being alone.  I have not been "independent" (solo) to speak of since about four months after graduating from college almost 25 years ago.

Her kids have not had a stable father figure in years.  Only one kid is left at home.  Granted, I am doing a piss-poor job of being a step dad because I came in late to the picture, because of depression, and because I feel so utterly disconnected from their mother.  I just can't feel like I can honestly generate the enthusiasm when I feel so ambiguously about their mother.

Wife noted with bitterness the other day I only seem happy when I am texting or talking to my kids.  She was right.  We miss each other terribly and it's almost like the past year-year and a half didn't happen.  I apologized to my kids and my youngest sent me the sweetest message back, basically saying "you're my father, I forgave you a long time ago" and she accepted my explanation of why I went radio silent (trying to save my health by avoiding drama - I didn't get into the detail of the drama being largely driven by my wife).

If she had a job and could support herself in any way I probably would have given up and left by now. [/quote]

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