I am so lonely in my marriage. Please tell me how much togetherness is normal.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don’t understand why men and women should even be together except to procreate. We don’t have that much in common. My DH watches war shows, sports, and the news. I watch things like Sex and the City and The Notebook etc.. He’d rather get an enema than watch my shows and vice versa. Years ago when we first met, when I was in the bs pleasing phase, I actually went with him to see races, and monster truck jams! Anyway I’ve always pictured myself in a Golden Girls situation later in life. Can you imagine how much fun we’d have in our golden years. And we’d all love the same shows! I think this is the reason women become bitches at menopause. To scare off the men so we can live a peaceful life.

[Anonymous]

We watch Jeopardy because it’s like you’re talking but not really.

No jk, that sucks. I like to sometimes just be in the room with my DH when he is watching tv and I am on my phone or something but I don’t feel I lack for companionship. Maybe he’s just done with social interaction by then? Can you hang out at breakfast or talk in bed when you wake up? Maybe schedule a dinner before tv.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you feel that way. But I think it’s kind of normal because our feelings always play trick with us.

Ask yourself if dh is an equal partner in bring in the bacon, child care household shore, being supportive of your career, the choice you made, and things you want to do? If answer is yes, then, you over think it.
If the answer is No, that’s a true loneliness and you should consider getting out of your marriage.
—————————————-
To me I believe happiness and satisfaction is with in me, no outside factors can generate it. So I don’t need togetherness as to watch tv together. Togetherness for me is put up united front to support each other goals, dream and things that i (technically , we both) want to achieve in life.

My husband and I slept in different room ( because I am a light sleeper ,have a hard time sleeping with him, he woke me up in the middle of the night by cuddling me which initially it’s nice but after a few years I realize I can’t get quality sleep.
We watched different movie or things we are interested in on our iPad. Some day we have nothing to talk about except about our son. My dh is not a talkative person at all outside of his work environment.he is very introvert person. Yes it did made me felt lonely when we start living together as well but I learn to appreciate quietness and the space between us after we had a son who needs us to be in all the time. It helps me relax. I can have my own down time and recharge.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. I left a marriage like this.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I love watching shows together. We binge watch entire Netflix series. We compromise over movie selections, etc. We can always find something we both like. We just watched the Michael Jordan documentary.

We don’t retreat separately. We love being together. We have our together time when our kids (12&14) go to sleep.

We have a lot in common. Married 22 years.

OP- I just found out he just ended an affair and things were great at home. So- I don’t know what to tell you.

I wasn’t lonely in my marriage. We had good sex and good times and he just ended a 3-year affair. Wtf?

He is in therapy 4 days per week now to try to understand.

I read all of these people who hate their marriages and don’t get along with their spouses and we do. He always plans nice things for me. We go out together to nice restaurants and with friends. He said he never loved or even thought about being with his AP partner when we were together—and never envisioned something permanent.

Life is strange. I’m dealing with everything was great...and he did something awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I love watching shows together. We binge watch entire Netflix series. We compromise over movie selections, etc. We can always find something we both like. We just watched the Michael Jordan documentary.

We don’t retreat separately. We love being together. We have our together time when our kids (12&14) go to sleep.

We have a lot in common. Married 22 years.

OP- I just found out he just ended an affair and things were great at home. So- I don’t know what to tell you.

I wasn’t lonely in my marriage. We had good sex and good times and he just ended a 3-year affair. Wtf?

He is in therapy 4 days per week now to try to understand.

I read all of these people who hate their marriages and don’t get along with their spouses and we do. He always plans nice things for me. We go out together to nice restaurants and with friends. He said he never loved or even thought about being with his AP partner when we were together—and never envisioned something permanent.

Life is strange. I’m dealing with everything was great...and he did something awful.

I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t understand why men and women should even be together except to procreate. We don’t have that much in common. My DH watches war shows, sports, and the news. I watch things like Sex and the City and The Notebook etc.. He’d rather get an enema than watch my shows and vice versa. Years ago when we first met, when I was in the bs pleasing phase, I actually went with him to see races, and monster truck jams! Anyway I’ve always pictured myself in a Golden Girls situation later in life. Can you imagine how much fun we’d have in our golden years. And we’d all love the same shows! I think this is the reason women become bitches at menopause. To scare off the men so we can live a peaceful life.

Ha! I actually have thought if I'd do better in a relationship with a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t understand why men and women should even be together except to procreate. We don’t have that much in common. My DH watches war shows, sports, and the news. I watch things like Sex and the City and The Notebook etc.. He’d rather get an enema than watch my shows and vice versa. Years ago when we first met, when I was in the bs pleasing phase, I actually went with him to see races, and monster truck jams! Anyway I’ve always pictured myself in a Golden Girls situation later in life. Can you imagine how much fun we’d have in our golden years. And we’d all love the same shows! I think this is the reason women become bitches at menopause. To scare off the men so we can live a peaceful life.

Ha! I actually have thought if I'd do better in a relationship with a woman.

I think most women would do better. I also think the younger generation is becoming very aware of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t understand why men and women should even be together except to procreate. We don’t have that much in common. My DH watches war shows, sports, and the news. I watch things like Sex and the City and The Notebook etc.. He’d rather get an enema than watch my shows and vice versa. Years ago when we first met, when I was in the bs pleasing phase, I actually went with him to see races, and monster truck jams! Anyway I’ve always pictured myself in a Golden Girls situation later in life. Can you imagine how much fun we’d have in our golden years. And we’d all love the same shows! I think this is the reason women become bitches at menopause. To scare off the men so we can live a peaceful life.

Once you go through menopause and your sex drive goes away, it's tough to see the benefit of being with men vs your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a hobby and stop being so needy.

Plan a night out and make reservations at a restaurant or something. I would hate to be married to someone that feels I need to entertain them every other night.

Give him his space OP. Get a dog and make date nights, otherwise you're too dramatic. And stop making the MAN your everything. That will always lead to disappointment.

This reads as being written by someone who isn’t married — or isn’t happily married.

When you’re married, your spouse IS the person you spend the most time with. You don’t need to make date nights to carve out time with them because you live together. It sounds like you’re describing a dating relationship.

I’ve been married for 6 years. We love spending time together. I can’t imagine just constantly “doing my own thing.” I do have my own hobbies (today I’m going to virtual band practice), but we never just spend a whole evening in the same house, but doing totally different things.

[Anonymous]

I’m married to a man of few words who is so burned out at the end of the day he has no interest in anything other than his phone and the tv. Feel bad for our last child at home that he doesn’t spend any time with. I realize it’s not ideal but I don’t want to blow up my life over it. We do what he is willing to do and it is what it is. Yes, it’s lonely but I imagine living alone is lonely to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me about 10 months ago.
Tried all kinds of things. Nothing really worked. Until I said I wanted out.
Then everything changed. He realized and totally changed.
Now... he’s done everything right and I’m still sad. Idk. Maybe it just is the way it is.

Thanks for this. A good perspective for everyone. I think there’s a lot of “I would be happy if this other person would just __________.”

If your happiness depends on what other people do, you’re going to have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a man of few words who is so burned out at the end of the day he has no interest in anything other than his phone and the tv. Feel bad for our last child at home that he doesn’t spend any time with. I realize it’s not ideal but I don’t want to blow up my life over it. We do what he is willing to do and it is what it is. Yes, it’s lonely but I imagine living alone is lonely to.

Any different on the weekends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t understand why men and women should even be together except to procreate. We don’t have that much in common. My DH watches war shows, sports, and the news. I watch things like Sex and the City and The Notebook etc.. He’d rather get an enema than watch my shows and vice versa. Years ago when we first met, when I was in the bs pleasing phase, I actually went with him to see races, and monster truck jams! Anyway I’ve always pictured myself in a Golden Girls situation later in life. Can you imagine how much fun we’d have in our golden years. And we’d all love the same shows! I think this is the reason women become bitches at menopause. To scare off the men so we can live a peaceful life.

Once you go through menopause and your sex drive goes away, it's tough to see the benefit of being with men vs your friends.

Most definitely! I insist we go on vacations with another couple now. At least when we travel with another couple he Has someone to talk to about cars and engines and I have someone to talk to about fashion and which brand of tweezers are best for chin hairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t understand why men and women should even be together except to procreate. We don’t have that much in common. My DH watches war shows, sports, and the news. I watch things like Sex and the City and The Notebook etc.. He’d rather get an enema than watch my shows and vice versa. Years ago when we first met, when I was in the bs pleasing phase, I actually went with him to see races, and monster truck jams! Anyway I’ve always pictured myself in a Golden Girls situation later in life. Can you imagine how much fun we’d have in our golden years. And we’d all love the same shows! I think this is the reason women become bitches at menopause. To scare off the men so we can live a peaceful life.

Except that I need men for sex.