I am so lonely in my marriage. Please tell me how much togetherness is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We generally find something to agree on. He will indulge me with watching RH of BH and NY. He might sit there on his phone or doing work on his laptop, but he knows enough of what's going on. We each do alone time each day - I shower or yoga, he showers or walks the dog.

But we really love each other so mostly want to spend tons of time together.

You define alone time as showering?

[Anonymous]

I’m extroverted and DH is introverted. Especially right now we’re both exhausted by the end of the night. I like TV and movies to unwind, or calling a friend. He likes reading, playing on the computer etc. Most nights we are doing our own thing. There are a few ways we’ve gotten to a point where this works for us;
(1) I told him I wanted to connect during the day even if it was a quick hello. He started sending me silly stories or pictures of cute animals once or twice a day

(2) I’ll say to him “hey, we haven’t connected in a few nights, can we play a game or share a beer and chat in the next night or two?” That way, it he’s beat and just wants to read his book it doesn’t have to be that night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have other things you like to do together? Shared hobbies like hiking or golf? Or do you like to go out to dinner together?
I think a lot of couples are on different plans for TV (what to watch, when to watch it, how much to watch), but if you're not on the same page with anything recreational, that's really tough.

We are very much like this and we play golf once or twice a week together. My husband jokes that we play for sexual favors and that there are no losers.

[Anonymous]

When it comes to evening TV watching, my DW's idea of "compromise" is that we watch what she wants to watch.

[Anonymous]

My DH and I watch the evening news together and then we go to our separate TVs. Pre-pandemic, he would watch sports and I have no interest in that. We don’t agree on Netflix shows either. Who cares? Do you expect to have a big conversation during a TV show?

[Anonymous]

We spend 3-4 nights together after DS goes to bed. Honestly, we both need alone time and we both have hobbies we can do from home. We do go to bed together every night and are up talking for about 30 min whether or not we also have sex.

Of the nights we spend together, 2 are usually just watching TV and not talking. The other two are combos of playing a game or just talking

[Anonymous]

This was me about 10 months ago.
Tried all kinds of things. Nothing really worked. Until I said I wanted out.
Then everything changed. He realized and totally changed.
Now... he’s done everything right and I’m still sad. Idk. Maybe it just is the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Get a hobby and stop being so needy.

Plan a night out and make reservations at a restaurant or something. I would hate to be married to someone that feels I need to entertain them every other night.

Give him his space OP. Get a dog and make date nights, otherwise you're too dramatic. And stop making the MAN your everything. That will always lead to disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We generally find something to agree on. He will indulge me with watching RH of BH and NY. He might sit there on his phone or doing work on his laptop, but he knows enough of what's going on. We each do alone time each day - I shower or yoga, he showers or walks the dog.

But we really love each other so mostly want to spend tons of time together.

Wow that’s a good husband! I teasingly ask my DH to watch RH with me and he backs out slowly...

He views it differently than I do. I'm all "Poor Tinsley, Dorinda was SO mean to her!" and he's like "Tinsdale needs to bitch slap her - show Dopey who's boss."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We generally find something to agree on. He will indulge me with watching RH of BH and NY. He might sit there on his phone or doing work on his laptop, but he knows enough of what's going on. We each do alone time each day - I shower or yoga, he showers or walks the dog.

But we really love each other so mostly want to spend tons of time together.

You define alone time as showering?

While we're all quarantined in this house together, yes I sure do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We generally find something to agree on. He will indulge me with watching RH of BH and NY. He might sit there on his phone or doing work on his laptop, but he knows enough of what's going on. We each do alone time each day - I shower or yoga, he showers or walks the dog.

But we really love each other so mostly want to spend tons of time together.

Wow that’s a good husband! I teasingly ask my DH to watch RH with me and he backs out slowly...

He views it differently than I do. I'm all "Poor Tinsley, Dorinda was SO mean to her!" and he's like "Tinsdale needs to bitch slap her - show Dopey who's boss."

[Anonymous]

I wake up before my wife, get the kids out of bed for the ILs to pick up, and then unload the clean dishes from the night before and make her coffee.

We both work pretty demanding jobs so other than lunch we don't get a ton of time to interact during the day. In the evening after we both sign off for the day we typically have sex, make a cocktail, and then talk about our days.

[Anonymous]

Someone mentioned aspirgers- same here. The aspie men don't need to connect the same way, or simply cannot. Took me years to understand. Debating divorce. Quarantine is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We generally find something to agree on. He will indulge me with watching RH of BH and NY. He might sit there on his phone or doing work on his laptop, but he knows enough of what's going on. We each do alone time each day - I shower or yoga, he showers or walks the dog.

But we really love each other so mostly want to spend tons of time together.

Your alone time is when you shower? That doesn't sound like much!

[Anonymous]

3 nights a week is normal 7 abnormal 0 abnormal.