Guy Mad I Won't Sleep Over

[Anonymous]

He has to be pretty stupid if he is not sleeping with someone. It sounds like you just want to sleep at your real boyfriends house and not his. He should cut bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, so he wants an actual girlfriend without really putting any labels and remaining not exclusive. Sneaky! Stick to your guns.
What's the worst that can happen - he'll stop sleeping with you? I don't think so!

OP here. This is why I'm hesitant. Yes, I get the contradiction of having sex but not willing to sleep over, but to me they are different. I love and need sex. I'm very much like a guy that I need that O for stress relief. Sleeping over with any commitment is like I'm letting him know he can have the girlfriend experiencing without naming a commitment. I don't want to spend more time and becoming more invested and interested if he doesn't see this as being longterm.

This makes zero sense. Your sleeping time is your sleeping time; it doesn't count as "spending time" with someone. You can be on your way early in the morning if you so wish. You can sleep over with a different guy the next night and still be on your way in the morning.

To a guy, it makes zero sense that you have sex with him without commitment but won't stay over without one. He'll think you're weird and coy for no reason.

Nobody starts DCUM threads about stress relief.

OP here. It’s not just sleeping over. He wants to go to brunch, spend the day together, and had talked about spending the weekend together. I don’t want to become more emotionally invested in a guy who doesn’t see something long term with me. I’m not using him.

You're using him for sex. If we switched the genders on your story ("guy comes over and has sex but won't spend the night or have brunch or the weekend together even though she asked him to") there wouldn't be any argument about this at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, so he wants an actual girlfriend without really putting any labels and remaining not exclusive. Sneaky! Stick to your guns.
What's the worst that can happen - he'll stop sleeping with you? I don't think so!

OP here. This is why I'm hesitant. Yes, I get the contradiction of having sex but not willing to sleep over, but to me they are different. I love and need sex. I'm very much like a guy that I need that O for stress relief. Sleeping over with any commitment is like I'm letting him know he can have the girlfriend experiencing without naming a commitment. I don't want to spend more time and becoming more invested and interested if he doesn't see this as being longterm.

A stupid thing to say.
He sounds reasonable to me, no one can predict if they want longterm without some initial investment.

[Anonymous]

You are making it inconvenient for him to have morning sex.

I don't like this guy.

CERTAINLY, maintain control over your life choices. If you give in to him now, on this...which is entirely a personal call, it can only go downhill.

[Anonymous]

Don't sleep over! Do you want to be quarantined with this person if shit gets worse? This is real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are having sex with him but sleeping over is too intimate? That is kind of silly. I agree with him. You should find out if you are compatible sleepers before this goes further!

Backwards

[Anonymous]

This type of drama could be reduced if people waited until they were married to sleep together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't sleep over! Do you want to be quarantined with this person if shit gets worse? This is real.

I know what would she tell her other boyfriends. She has implied she is not exclusive. Talk about drama!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This type of drama could be reduced if people waited until they were married to sleep together.

Wait....have sex or sleep over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't sleep over! Do you want to be quarantined with this person if shit gets worse? This is real.

LOL, I need to start inviting women over for ONS so that when quarantine is imposed I have a concubine available 24/7. If she wants to eat my food she has to put out!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty funny that to her sleeping over is more intimate than a actual sex. Back in my younger days I had girlfriends sleep over BEFORE we had sex. And we did stuff certainly. But sleeping over a couple times was a precursor. That developed the connection to be MORE intimate and actually have the most intimate act - PIV.

Yeah. Same here. Granted I’m in my 30’s and all of this was a decade ago, but with every boyfriend I had, I would often sleep over several times before we were intimate. Yes, we would make out and there would be some fooling around, but definitely no sex until much later. This was college and post college years though. I’m glad I’m married now because what OP describes sounds insane!

So, you’re saying that even though you’ve been sleeping together for a month, it would be okay for this non-boyfriend to go on dates with other women??? WTF?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of drama could be reduced if people waited until they were married to sleep together.

Wait....have sex or sleep over?

lol

I like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should stop having sex with him.

Agreed. You guys are doing everything backwards. Decide if you want to date and THEN sleep over and have sex and get brunch after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should stop having sex with him.

Agreed. You guys are doing everything backwards. Decide if you want to date and THEN sleep over and have sex and get brunch after.

This. You’re both wrong. He wants Sex > Dating > Commitment. You want Sex > Commitment > Dating. Call me super old-fashioned, but it really does work out better if you do Dating > Commitment > Sex. Seriously, give it a try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, so he wants an actual girlfriend without really putting any labels and remaining not exclusive. Sneaky! Stick to your guns.
What's the worst that can happen - he'll stop sleeping with you? I don't think so!

OP here. This is why I'm hesitant. Yes, I get the contradiction of having sex but not willing to sleep over, but to me they are different. I love and need sex. I'm very much like a guy that I need that O for stress relief. Sleeping over with any commitment is like I'm letting him know he can have the girlfriend experiencing without naming a commitment. I don't want to spend more time and becoming more invested and interested if he doesn't see this as being longterm.

This makes zero sense. Your sleeping time is your sleeping time; it doesn't count as "spending time" with someone. You can be on your way early in the morning if you so wish. You can sleep over with a different guy the next night and still be on your way in the morning.

To a guy, it makes zero sense that you have sex with him without commitment but won't stay over without one. He'll think you're weird and coy for no reason.

Nobody starts DCUM threads about stress relief.

OP here. It’s not just sleeping over. He wants to go to brunch, spend the day together, and had talked about spending the weekend together. I don’t want to become more emotionally invested in a guy who doesn’t see something long term with me. I’m not using him.

Lady, he KNOWS you are emotionally invested. You told him you are open to being his girlfriend. He said he'll pass for now. Please don't fool yourself that he doesn't understand what you want. He knows what you want, he just doesn't want to give it you (yet, or ever, who knows). No you're not like a guy. You are basically telling him, I'll keep having sex with you but unless you call me your girlfriend I won't sleep over. From a guy's point of view, he's probably thinking, eh, weird chick, I wouldn't mind having sex with her evening AND morning, but not ready for any declarations, guess sex only evenings will do. You just fundamentally misunderstand how men think.