Guy Mad I Won't Sleep Over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, so he wants an actual girlfriend without really putting any labels and remaining not exclusive. Sneaky! Stick to your guns.
What's the worst that can happen - he'll stop sleeping with you? I don't think so!

OP here. This is why I'm hesitant. Yes, I get the contradiction of having sex but not willing to sleep over, but to me they are different. I love and need sex. I'm very much like a guy that I need that O for stress relief. Sleeping over with any commitment is like I'm letting him know he can have the girlfriend experiencing without naming a commitment. I don't want to spend more time and becoming more invested and interested if he doesn't see this as being longterm.

This makes zero sense. Your sleeping time is your sleeping time; it doesn't count as "spending time" with someone. You can be on your way early in the morning if you so wish. You can sleep over with a different guy the next night and still be on your way in the morning.

To a guy, it makes zero sense that you have sex with him without commitment but won't stay over without one. He'll think you're weird and coy for no reason.

Nobody starts DCUM threads about stress relief.

OP here. It’s not just sleeping over. He wants to go to brunch, spend the day together, and had talked about spending the weekend together. I don’t want to become more emotionally invested in a guy who doesn’t see something long term with me. I’m not using him.

[Anonymous]

You should stop having sex with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, so he wants an actual girlfriend without really putting any labels and remaining not exclusive. Sneaky! Stick to your guns.
What's the worst that can happen - he'll stop sleeping with you? I don't think so!

OP here. This is why I'm hesitant. Yes, I get the contradiction of having sex but not willing to sleep over, but to me they are different. I love and need sex. I'm very much like a guy that I need that O for stress relief. Sleeping over with any commitment is like I'm letting him know he can have the girlfriend experiencing without naming a commitment. I don't want to spend more time and becoming more invested and interested if he doesn't see this as being longterm.

This makes zero sense. Your sleeping time is your sleeping time; it doesn't count as "spending time" with someone. You can be on your way early in the morning if you so wish. You can sleep over with a different guy the next night and still be on your way in the morning.

To a guy, it makes zero sense that you have sex with him without commitment but won't stay over without one. He'll think you're weird and coy for no reason.

Nobody starts DCUM threads about stress relief.

OP here. It’s not just sleeping over. He wants to go to brunch, spend the day together, and had talked about spending the weekend together. I don’t want to become more emotionally invested in a guy who doesn’t see something long term with me. I’m not using him.

Sounds like you are assuming he could decide if he wants to commit to long term based on your sex life. Sounds like he wants to have more info, like how do we get along with each other when we spend more time together, like a weekend or at least a full night and day. I'm with him.

[Anonymous]

Any guy who pressures you to do something you’re uncomfortable with is not worth any more of your time. He doesn’t respect boundaries.

A healthy way to handle this is if he stated that your comfort is important to him, and asked what he can do to make you more comfortable while also respecting your boundaries. It sounds like you want reassurance that he isn’t seeing anyone else, and he won’t give it to you. I don’t blame you for being hesitant.

His reasons are B.S. You don’t need to spend a night with someone to see if you’re compatible. What does he need, to see how often you fart at night or how loudly you snore? And the line about morning sex is a huge red flag. Any guy who pushes you to do something you don’t want to because he wants sex had major issues.

The dude sounds like a loser. I’d ditch him and find a respectful man. They do exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, so he wants an actual girlfriend without really putting any labels and remaining not exclusive. Sneaky! Stick to your guns.
What's the worst that can happen - he'll stop sleeping with you? I don't think so!

OP here. This is why I'm hesitant. Yes, I get the contradiction of having sex but not willing to sleep over, but to me they are different. I love and need sex. I'm very much like a guy that I need that O for stress relief. Sleeping over with any commitment is like I'm letting him know he can have the girlfriend experiencing without naming a commitment. I don't want to spend more time and becoming more invested and interested if he doesn't see this as being longterm.

This makes zero sense. Your sleeping time is your sleeping time; it doesn't count as "spending time" with someone. You can be on your way early in the morning if you so wish. You can sleep over with a different guy the next night and still be on your way in the morning.

To a guy, it makes zero sense that you have sex with him without commitment but won't stay over without one. He'll think you're weird and coy for no reason.

Nobody starts DCUM threads about stress relief.

OP here. It’s not just sleeping over. He wants to go to brunch, spend the day together, and had talked about spending the weekend together. I don’t want to become more emotionally invested in a guy who doesn’t see something long term with me. I’m not using him.

Sounds like you are assuming he could decide if he wants to commit to long term based on your sex life. Sounds like he wants to have more info, like how do we get along with each other when we spend more time together, like a weekend or at least a full night and day. I'm with him.

OP here. We have been on a dozen dates and have spent time together. We have gone out to dinner for most dates, but other times the movies, coking together, watching tv at his place, etc. We have spent a full day together twice and it was good.

[Anonymous]

I get that he is asking you to spend the night, yet won’t admit he is your boyfriend.

I would be annoyed.
Just keep saying no & if he continues harping on it - tell him that no means no.

If he would like to just be sex buddies then you decide if that is what you would like as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, it makes me sad to see what women put up with in relationships these days. Not blaming you, op, it’s just that expectations are incredibly out of whack for everyone.

You should blame OP. I’m so sick of women using their bits to clamp some man down then acting surprised when he escapes some day down the road.

Honey- you’re letting him put his penis INSIDE your body. Spend the night or don’t- but stop pretending that that decision is the issue. The issue is he doesn’t want to commit to you in any way and you’re still letting him put his penis inside your body. That’s fine- just don’t blame him for not complying with your weird power play.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. It has been a while since I dated, but when I did, I would want to spend a day with the person -- spend some real time with them -- before becoming official. And it was not about sex (sex is good and I wish I had more, but...that is not the basis of a relationship). Sex today is maybe 30 minutes a time (in my 20's and 30's, it could last much longer, but now I am one and done).

I want to know if we are compatible the other 23.5 hours per day. An evening date while on the best behavior is very different than trying to figure out what to do at 2 PM on a Saturday during a quarentine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are having sex with him but sleeping over is too intimate? That is kind of silly. I agree with him. You should find out if you are compatible sleepers before this goes further!

This!

[Anonymous]

For you to be even asking here, sounds like you do not want to
He is quite persistent but you do not want to

At least he is honest enough to refuse to answer your question

What part of no does he not understand?

[Anonymous]

Please drop him. He is not for you. You are better than this. He is so using you. The sex could not possibly be worth degrading yourself. Leave now.

[Anonymous]

Well, stick to your gun. If he wants it bad enough, he will say the word (exclusivity).

[Anonymous]

To a guy, it makes zero sense that you have sex with him without commitment but won't stay over without one. He'll think you're weird and coy for no reason.

What are you talking about? Guys do this all the time as a clear signaling that they want nothing more but sex. The guy in question might be wondering if she wants more, but him saying that he's not ready to be exclusive problematic. OP is doing it right.

[Anonymous]

Would he stay over at your place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, stick to your gun. If he wants it bad enough, he will say the word (exclusivity).

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive