Why can’t my family work around the kids schedules?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP - I am not trying to say that everyone should revolve their schedules around me and my family, I simply think it would be nice to take young kids into consideration when planning things. DH’s family is very considerate in this respect so I know some families do this.

I get major guilt trips for skipping events or leaving early since we rarely see everyone... so if that’s the case why not just think about what may work for young kids - there are many in the family not just mine.

And I also get comments about my kids whining at the dinner table etc which are super frustrating.

It sounds like you can't win either way. Just do what works for you

[Anonymous]

People schedule the events and if you can attend you go, if you can't you don't. Nobody can find a time to make everyone happy.

[Anonymous]

It is sweet that grandparents are considerate about the schedule. You can't realistically expect anyone else to feel the same way. Your kids are young and your life revolves around your kids, and it will for a long time to come. Uncles and aunts don't really care and they should not be expected to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP - I am not trying to say that everyone should revolve their schedules around me and my family, I simply think it would be nice to take young kids into consideration when planning things. DH’s family is very considerate in this respect so I know some families do this.

I get major guilt trips for skipping events or leaving early since we rarely see everyone... so if that’s the case why not just think about what may work for young kids - there are many in the family not just mine.

And I also get comments about my kids whining at the dinner table etc which are super frustrating.

It sounds like you can't win either way. Just do what works for you

Yeah. It's the bolded that's sucky for you OP. I have two little ones and just do what I need to do to keep them in good moods. If something conflicts with nap time we just don't go. It's not worth it to me to have whiny children ruining someone else's event and also be miserable for any evening things after. Also always have food they will eat packed in the diaper backpack. My 4 year old still naps and is amazing in the am and for a couple hours in the pm after her long nap. If we ever off schedule she's miserable. So we go with what works for her and grandparents think she's a cheerful child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Entitled much?

Boo effing hoo.
Good luck with your brats in a few years.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. My youngest is almost 3 like yours. She doesn’t eat 3 full days and naps are all over the place.

You can’t expect to be quiet at a dinner party for your kids.

In your case, I or DH could have walked kids in a stroller for nap or taken kids on a car ride for a car nap.

You could go to kitchen, ask for snacks. You could stop by to say hello and leave. Get a quiet hotel room. Go back to your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP - I am not trying to say that everyone should revolve their schedules around me and my family, I simply think it would be nice to take young kids into consideration when planning things. DH’s family is very considerate in this respect so I know some families do this.

I get major guilt trips for skipping events or leaving early since we rarely see everyone... so if that’s the case why not just think about what may work for young kids - there are many in the family not just mine.

And I also get comments about my kids whining at the dinner table etc which are super frustrating.

Your DH should or could leave early with kids if this is your family.

Dh’s family is here for xmas and we went out for lunch. I left early with my whiny toddler. Dh is still at brunch with his family and I am now home with a napping toddler.

You could have gotten a hotel room or let child nap in the car.

When we are on vacation, we often take drives just so my toddler can nap.

[Anonymous]

And you have 2 kids with probably different sleep schedules. How in the world is your extended family supposed to know your children’s nap schedule?

We were nap nazis with our first. Second got dragged everywhere. Now with third, one of us stays back if it is her naptime.

It is hard enough coordinating with our local friends with kids the same age because all kids nap times are different.

We probably had a similar schedule as you. My kids would wake up early 6am, eat early lunch, nap, early dinner and bedtime at 8. We ate dinner at 5-5:30.

Most of our friends didn’t get home until 6 so they didn’t eat as early as us. It was always hard to do dinner with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just say no if the timing doesn't work for you

This. A million times this. Or one parent stays home and the other goes.

I don’t see what the issue is.

[Anonymous]

You just have to do what works best for your kids and if family members complain, say that you want your kids to see them but if they are over tired and hungry, they won’t be any fun to be around...then just go ahead and leave the event early or come late as needed. Naps and on time bedtimes and meal times are important for young kids, especially when they are already thrown off by being away from home and around new people. You can’t expect anyone else to change their plans based on your kids but you need to get used to doing what your kids need and ignoring any comments you might get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to learn to stand up for yourself and your family. You're making your kids feel miserable because you won't, and then you won't stand up for your kids when they behave badly because they are sleep-deprived.

You're the mom - do what YOU need to do for your kids. That means, get a hotel, protect nap and bedtimes, and do the family events in between that that work. Period.

I have to do this ALL THE TIME with my large family. For whatever dysfunctional reason, they always liked to needle me about needing sleep before kids; and they do the same after kids. So I say f-em and just do whatever I need to do to sleep and for my kid's sleep. This includes literally hauling an entire extra set of bedding (air mattress, pillow, blankets) because they can't be trusted to have enough places to sleep (even if they claim they do.)

When/if relatives give you crap about missing events, just say "sorry, it was baby naptime." Be very clear about the times you are available. If they actually want to see you and your kids, they will adjust. If not, you know they don't prioritize seeing you and your kids. You could also make more affirmative suggestions for key relatives -- e.g., try to make a plan with grandparents for breakfast and a mid-morning walk.

Yup. Families can TRY to guilt trip you but it doesn’t work is you don’t let it bother you. “Mom we are skipping brunch so tanner can nap and be okay for dinner since that’s more important .” “But you haaaaave to be there.” “Nope, he needs a nap.” That’s it. Or your spouse stays back with the kids so you can go, or one spouse stays with a napper and the awake one goes. You absolutely can stand up to them and do what your kids need.

[Anonymous]

Am I getting this right - brunch doesn't work, lunch doesn't work and dinner doesn't work? You wanted people to plan early breakfasts and suppers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I getting this right - brunch doesn't work, lunch doesn't work and dinner doesn't work? You wanted people to plan early breakfasts and suppers?

Yes, OP is saying brunch, lunch and dinner all don’t work for her.

[Anonymous]

Only your world revolves around your children. Remember this.

[Anonymous]

Leave early if you must. Easy peasy.

Or, bring jammies and a blanket so they can crash in a quiet area. (I always fell asleep at holiday parties and my parents woke me up when it was time to go.)