Why can’t my family work around the kids schedules?

[Anonymous]

This is mostly just a vent... why can’t anyone take young kids’ schedules into account when planning family activities this week!?

We flew to my hometown Sunday AM and we are now on our second full day of tons of family events that conflict with one or both kids’ schedules. We are not crazy sticklers for schedules and have no problems skipping a nap here or there or pushing bedtime a bit, but when that starts happening every single day, things just fall apart. We are also dealing with a one hour time difference which doesn’t help. I have an almost 3 year old and an 11 month old and unfortunately they just aren’t super flexible, go with the flow types. The baby is a great mapper and refused to sleep on the flight at all, which we purposely planned for his nap time.

I have a really big family and everyone is hosting different events - Sunday night it was a 60th birthday dinner at my aunt’s that was called for 5 but she didn’t serve food until 7pm and my 3yo was whining and crying to go to sleep (again there is a time difference and we had to wake her early that AM for our flight). Yesterday a cousin hosted a lunch that managed to conflict with both kids naps and my parents hosted a dinner which was super loud and noisy so the kids couldn’t fall asleep until people started leaving. Today we had a 10am brunch at someone’s house, tonight is dinner at my sister’s house. Then a Christmas lunch somewhere else tomorrow and more activities throughout the rest of the week.

Besides the fact that it’s exhausting, my kids are miserable. While I could leave them home with DH, I feel bad since my family wants to see them since we don’t really visit more than 1-2x per year, and this is most of their first time meeting the baby.

Does anyone else deal with this when they go home?

[Anonymous]

You said yourself you have a big family. So why would 40 people all revolve around YOUR two kids? You and your husband should have discussed this before having kids - if it's his family, you stay home with the kids (or leave early with them) and if it's your family, he stays home or leaves early with the kids. It's very simple.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you have your own car and skip some things or leave early/arrive late. When there are large families involved, no one is gong to tiptoe around a three year old’s nap.

[Anonymous]

This is your second kid and you still think that everyone else's schedule should revolve around yours?

[Anonymous]

just say no if the timing doesn't work for you

[Anonymous]

Well I don’t think you can except people to schedule events around your kids, but you can certainly choose to skip some of the most inconvenient ones. If someone gets upset over it, oh well. I always bring a pack and play, a noise machine and snacks to deal with late events or food being served late. It’s not going to solve your problems 100% but will help some.

[Anonymous]

Entitled much?

[Anonymous]

Seems like an easy problem to address.

Do what you can based on your schedules. Come late, leave early.

Pretty simple.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sympathetic to your plight. But I agree with the others that it's not reasonable to adjust the plans for your kids.

However, you should absolutely be as direct and kind about your needs and boundaries as possible.

And please do set boundaries! For your sanity and your kids.

I know you don't want to disappoint anyone, but what you're doing doesn't sound tenable.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said yourself you have a big family. So why would 40 people all revolve around YOUR two kids? You and your husband should have discussed this before having kids - if it's his family, you stay home with the kids (or leave early with them) and if it's your family, he stays home or leaves early with the kids. It's very simple.

Discussed before having kids? This doesn't seem like that kind of issue. And until you have been in the situation with schedules and the like, it isn't something most people would have thought of and worked out ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your second kid and you still think that everyone else's schedule should revolve around yours?

Indeed. OP, I get that it's a rant, but you do realize that other people have their own conflicts and needs, right? It's a case of everyone does their best to meet in the middle and find time and joy to share, somewhere along the way. There is absolutely no way 40+ diverse individuals can be expected to schedule everything around two children.

[Anonymous]

Have separate food for your kids ready to serve them when they’re hungry. Don’t wait for the big meal. If you need to skip some things or leave early, just do it and don’t feel bad. This is a phase.

[Anonymous]

Do what you want to do/what works for you, skip whatever you don't want to/doesn't work. What's the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said yourself you have a big family. So why would 40 people all revolve around YOUR two kids? You and your husband should have discussed this before having kids - if it's his family, you stay home with the kids (or leave early with them) and if it's your family, he stays home or leaves early with the kids. It's very simple.

Discussed before having kids? This doesn't seem like that kind of issue. And until you have been in the situation with schedules and the like, it isn't something most people would have thought of and worked out ahead of time.

Eh. It's something my husband and I discussed.

[Anonymous]

Don’t go, leave the kids with DH, Or follow the pp’s suggestions and pack kids dinner, a noise machine, and a pack n play wherever you do go.

I forced my oldest to family events when he was that age because I felt guilty, and he was known as “bad” or undisciplined kids for years. He weren’t being bad! He was just tired and hungry and 2.