Gave my cheating husband another chance...

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I took my cheating husband back as well. However, in my case, he was willing to do and did do basically anything I asked and has continued to do it several years down the road. This involved individual and couples therapy, all passwords were shared, including phone passcode, he willingly put the Life360 app on his phone so I always know where he is, and he is home with the family every single night. I would not have agreed to stay married otherwise. Set some boundaries and see if he is serious about doing what it takes. You can't be the only one trying to fix things.

[Anonymous]

With the 360 app, can't they just turn off the phone. Or leave the phone somewhere else, have the AP pick them up? What are the limitations of that app?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With the 360 app, can't they just turn off the phone. Or leave the phone somewhere else, have the AP pick them up? What are the limitations of that app?

Or get a burner phone (a cheap prepaid mobile intended for temporary use).
Leave the "real" phone in the car at the office and forward all calls to the burner then have Susie pick you up for a few hours of forbidden fun.
There's no technology that can MAKE someone be loyal if they don't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With the 360 app, can't they just turn off the phone. Or leave the phone somewhere else, have the AP pick them up? What are the limitations of that app?

Or get a burner phone (a cheap prepaid mobile intended for temporary use).
Leave the "real" phone in the car at the office and forward all calls to the burner then have Susie pick you up for a few hours of forbidden fun.
There's no technology that can MAKE someone be loyal if they don't want to.

Yep that was exactly my point. At the end of the day if I gave someone another chance I'm going to have 2 detectives with radios to follow the ahole and report back. That is old school but 100% effective. If he's leaving his phone somewhere, or meeting a hore there's no way he can hide that. Then ball buster lawyer will pay him a call.

OP I hope you're paying attention!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember. This was YOUR call.

No. It wasn't. He knew the rules he broke them it was HIS call for the marriage to end.

YOU took him back.

She took him back because he lied and said he changed and he didn't so... bye felicia!

Exactly my point.

Stop blaming the victim.

No one is blaming her for having been cheated on the first time. She deserves to be blamed her for her absolute awful decision making to take him back in and for believing he had changed. This one is entirely on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember. This was YOUR call.

No. It wasn't. He knew the rules he broke them it was HIS call for the marriage to end.

YOU took him back.

She took him back because he lied and said he changed and he didn't so... bye felicia!

Exactly my point.

Stop blaming the victim.

No one is blaming her for having been cheated on the first time. She deserves to be blamed her for her absolute awful decision making to take him back in and for believing he had changed. This one is entirely on her.

I think you are still blaming the victim. There is tremendous pressure in our culture to "work" to "save" marriages. There is tremendous stigma against divorce and against the victims of infidelity, who culture tells us must have done something wrong to make their partner cheat.

Let's have a little more empathy and support for OP. She did what our culture pressures women to do -- give the man another chance in order to benefit the institution of marriage or the children. She tried, and it's her husband's fault it isn't working. OP, you've extended yourself as far (or further) than any reasonable human would/should. It's time to cut ties permanently with your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember. This was YOUR call.

No. It wasn't. He knew the rules he broke them it was HIS call for the marriage to end.

YOU took him back.

She took him back because he lied and said he changed and he didn't so... bye felicia!

Exactly my point.

Stop blaming the victim.

No one is blaming her for having been cheated on the first time. She deserves to be blamed her for her absolute awful decision making to take him back in and for believing he had changed. This one is entirely on her.

I think you are still blaming the victim. There is tremendous pressure in our culture to "work" to "save" marriages. There is tremendous stigma against divorce and against the victims of infidelity, who culture tells us must have done something wrong to make their partner cheat.

Let's have a little more empathy and support for OP. She did what our culture pressures women to do -- give the man another chance in order to benefit the institution of marriage or the children. She tried, and it's her husband's fault it isn't working. OP, you've extended yourself as far (or further) than any reasonable human would/should. It's time to cut ties permanently with your DH.

sorry, but while I think you mean well, I think you're a bleeding heart.

bad decisions are bad decisions. the decision to take back a lying, cheating partner was her decision alone. no mater how you try to rationalize it, that was simply a bad, awful decision. now it's up to her to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember. This was YOUR call.

No. It wasn't. He knew the rules he broke them it was HIS call for the marriage to end.

YOU took him back.

She took him back because he lied and said he changed and he didn't so... bye felicia!

Exactly my point.

Stop blaming the victim.

No one is blaming her for having been cheated on the first time. She deserves to be blamed her for her absolute awful decision making to take him back in and for believing he had changed. This one is entirely on her.

I think it's SO ODD the mental gymnastics some people will do to ensure they don't have to have sympathy for some else's shitty situation. Usually stay from an insecurity that "no one is handing me anything/ gives a shit about my life. So why should I". What a crap outlook

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember. This was YOUR call.

No. It wasn't. He knew the rules he broke them it was HIS call for the marriage to end.

YOU took him back.

She took him back because he lied and said he changed and he didn't so... bye felicia!

Exactly my point.

Stop blaming the victim.

No one is blaming her for having been cheated on the first time. She deserves to be blamed her for her absolute awful decision making to take him back in and for believing he had changed. This one is entirely on her.

I think you are still blaming the victim. There is tremendous pressure in our culture to "work" to "save" marriages. There is tremendous stigma against divorce and against the victims of infidelity, who culture tells us must have done something wrong to make their partner cheat.

Let's have a little more empathy and support for OP. She did what our culture pressures women to do -- give the man another chance in order to benefit the institution of marriage or the children. She tried, and it's her husband's fault it isn't working. OP, you've extended yourself as far (or further) than any reasonable human would/should. It's time to cut ties permanently with your DH.

sorry, but while I think you mean well, I think you're a bleeding heart.

bad decisions are bad decisions. the decision to take back a lying, cheating partner was her decision alone. no mater how you try to rationalize it, that was simply a bad, awful decision. now it's up to her to fix it.

Where is she asking anyone else to fix it???

[Anonymous]

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.


Leave. Cheaters never stop cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember. This was YOUR call.

No. It wasn't. He knew the rules he broke them it was HIS call for the marriage to end.

YOU took him back.

She took him back because he lied and said he changed and he didn't so... bye felicia!

Exactly my point.

Stop blaming the victim.

No one is blaming her for having been cheated on the first time. She deserves to be blamed her for her absolute awful decision making to take him back in and for believing he had changed. This one is entirely on her.

You’re right. I shouldn’t have tried to make it work. He’s shown his true colors before and I was the idiot that gave him a second chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just remember. This was YOUR call.

No. It wasn't. He knew the rules he broke them it was HIS call for the marriage to end.

YOU took him back.

She took him back because he lied and said he changed and he didn't so... bye felicia!

Exactly my point.

Stop blaming the victim.

No one is blaming her for having been cheated on the first time. She deserves to be blamed her for her absolute awful decision making to take him back in and for believing he had changed. This one is entirely on her.

You’re right. I shouldn’t have tried to make it work. He’s shown his true colors before and I was the idiot that gave him a second chance.

You’re not an idiot. You are not responsible for his lies. You are not the bad guy here.

You tried. You know for sure now. You get to do this with no regrets now. Be free.

[Anonymous]

Lay off of the OP. Sometimes people need to give someone a second chance for their own peace of mind. Some may need this to be able to move on, knowing they tried to make it work so they won't have the what-ifs in their mind.

[Anonymous]

You know what OP, you tried. You have your own reasons for giving it another chance.

It hasn't worked out, you are miserable. Move forward knowing that you did all you can. There is no point being together if you are miserable. There's nothing to talk about, I'm sure you've done that already and as you say nothing has changed.

You aren't suited for each other. Move out and start anew.

[Anonymous]

I think you are still blaming the victim. There is tremendous pressure in our culture to "work" to "save" marriages. There is tremendous stigma against divorce and against the victims of infidelity, who culture tells us must have done something wrong to make their partner cheat.

Let's have a little more empathy and support for OP. She did what our culture pressures women to do -- give the man another chance in order to benefit the institution of marriage or the children. She tried, and it's her husband's fault it isn't working. OP, you've extended yourself as far (or further) than any reasonable human would/should. It's time to cut ties permanently with your DH.

Only thing I'd change here is "There is a tremendous pressure on women in our culture to "work" to "save" marriages.

OP, you've done your best. He talks a good game, but has definitely shown his true colors. Time for him to take a hike.