So have we talked about this SAHM in Arlington Profile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays.

I had a lengthy conversation with a sahd yesterday. Feel better?

Was he at home with a son, a woman supporting them both, and crowing “the future is male!?”

I’d say no different were that the case.

If you don’t see the irony in that quote from the article, I can’t help you.

When one person takes care of the children and homefront, that allows the partner to work, including travel, unfettered by childcare and other home-based concerns. There is huge value in that, and it’s the partnership that allows it. They are both supporting the entire family unit. No irony.

Except they are both being terrible members of society by promoting the traditional “workaholic Dad with SAHW/personal assistant” setup. Just the other day, a senior person in my company (who has a SAHW) made a snarky comment about another guy taking his full paternity leave. At the end of the day, these assholes adhere to the traditional facetime/60 hours working week lifestyle instead of getting onboard with flexible work policies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays.

It makes sense to work to pay the daycare, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays.

I had a lengthy conversation with a sahd yesterday. Feel better?

Was he at home with a son, a woman supporting them both, and crowing “the future is male!?”

I’d say no different were that the case.

If you don’t see the irony in that quote from the article, I can’t help you.

When one person takes care of the children and homefront, that allows the partner to work, including travel, unfettered by childcare and other home-based concerns. There is huge value in that, and it’s the partnership that allows it. They are both supporting the entire family unit. No irony.

Except they are both being terrible members of society by promoting the traditional “workaholic Dad with SAHW/personal assistant” setup. Just the other day, a senior person in my company (who has a SAHW) made a snarky comment about another guy taking his full paternity leave. At the end of the day, these assholes adhere to the traditional facetime/60 hours working week lifestyle instead of getting onboard with flexible work policies.

Or not. My husband took his entire paternity leave with both our kids, even though I SAH with them.
He also takes them to practices/lessons/games, actively helps with HW if they want, comes home early enough to not only eat dinner with us but makes it sometimes too. Works from home when he can, travels only a few times a year for work, takes vacations where he doesn’t check work emails the entire week.

What he doesn’t do is drop them at before care or pickup from after care, freak out /fight with me over who can’t miss work because someone has to stay home again with a sick kid (did I mention that between my two they’ve missed two full weeks of school already with illnesses this year-five weeks into it!)

But I also don’t care and don’t freak out when the cashier or other random person asks if I have the day off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays.

I had a lengthy conversation with a sahd yesterday. Feel better?

Was he at home with a son, a woman supporting them both, and crowing “the future is male!?”

I’d say no different were that the case.

If you don’t see the irony in that quote from the article, I can’t help you.

When one person takes care of the children and homefront, that allows the partner to work, including travel, unfettered by childcare and other home-based concerns. There is huge value in that, and it’s the partnership that allows it. They are both supporting the entire family unit. No irony.

Except they are both being terrible members of society by promoting the traditional “workaholic Dad with SAHW/personal assistant” setup. Just the other day, a senior person in my company (who has a SAHW) made a snarky comment about another guy taking his full paternity leave. At the end of the day, these assholes adhere to the traditional facetime/60 hours working week lifestyle instead of getting onboard with flexible work policies.

Choosing to have one parent stay home has nothing to do with supporting flexible work policies. The senior person at your job is just a jackass.

Why do you oppose choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays.

I had a lengthy conversation with a sahd yesterday. Feel better?

Was he at home with a son, a woman supporting them both, and crowing “the future is male!?”

I’d say no different were that the case.

If you don’t see the irony in that quote from the article, I can’t help you.

When one person takes care of the children and homefront, that allows the partner to work, including travel, unfettered by childcare and other home-based concerns. There is huge value in that, and it’s the partnership that allows it. They are both supporting the entire family unit. No irony.

Except they are both being terrible members of society by promoting the traditional “workaholic Dad with SAHW/personal assistant” setup. Just the other day, a senior person in my company (who has a SAHW) made a snarky comment about another guy taking his full paternity leave. At the end of the day, these assholes adhere to the traditional facetime/60 hours working week lifestyle instead of getting onboard with flexible work policies.

Choosing to have one parent stay home has nothing to do with supporting flexible work policies. The senior person at your job is just a jackass.

Why do you oppose choice?

+1

I SAH and am expecting our second this week. My dh will take his full paternity leave. His boss took his full paternity leave and then some FOUR times despite also having a spouse at home full time. While I do know people (moms and dads) who stay at home because their spouse works long, inflexible hours, I also know plenty whose spouse has a great deal of flexibility and is still actively involved at home but enjoys the benefits of not having to worry about childcare or having someone else who is 100% flexible to manage stuff at home. I don’t think there is anything wrong with either dynamic as long as it works for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays.

I had a lengthy conversation with a sahd yesterday. Feel better?

Was he at home with a son, a woman supporting them both, and crowing “the future is male!?”

I’d say no different were that the case.

If you don’t see the irony in that quote from the article, I can’t help you.

When one person takes care of the children and homefront, that allows the partner to work, including travel, unfettered by childcare and other home-based concerns. There is huge value in that, and it’s the partnership that allows it. They are both supporting the entire family unit. No irony.

Except they are both being terrible members of society by promoting the traditional “workaholic Dad with SAHW/personal assistant” setup. Just the other day, a senior person in my company (who has a SAHW) made a snarky comment about another guy taking his full paternity leave. At the end of the day, these assholes adhere to the traditional facetime/60 hours working week lifestyle instead of getting onboard with flexible work policies.

Or not. My husband took his entire paternity leave with both our kids, even though I SAH with them.
He also takes them to practices/lessons/games, actively helps with HW if they want, comes home early enough to not only eat dinner with us but makes it sometimes too. Works from home when he can, travels only a few times a year for work, takes vacations where he doesn’t check work emails the entire week.

What he doesn’t do is drop them at before care or pickup from after care, freak out /fight with me over who can’t miss work because someone has to stay home again with a sick kid (did I mention that between my two they’ve missed two full weeks of school already with illnesses this year-five weeks into it!)

But I also don’t care and don’t freak out when the cashier or other random person asks if I have the day off.

But part of that is you are describing a scenario where neither parent aimed for a family friendly job — we both work full time, but have no problem calling in sick if a kid is sick, and with older elementary kids you just stay home in case they get worse, you can still work b/c they don’t need active care. Most places have contingency planning, and very few roles REQUIRE a particular person on a PARTICULAR day until you get to thinks like CEOs etc — Doctors have shifts and trade off care, emergency personnel have coverage plans, etc.

Kinda curious, I’m sure I’m going to jinx myself but do most kids even get sick that often? I think my kids have been home for like 5 days over 8 years of elementary school. Is that because of the trial by fire of daycare (though those are almost always endless colds, so never really stayed home) or because we get the flu shot? I guess part of it is we genetically not susceptible to strep (none of us, parents included, have ever had it) — that seems to be the Bain of many families.

[Anonymous]

To the SAHMs - you guys just don’t get it (silly to expect otherwise I guess). The point is that employers should promote flexible work policies so there ISN’T a huge fight / freak out about who has to stay home with a sick kid. Not to mention extended maternity/paternity leave policies so parents can be with their infants. The spouses of SAHMs may come home early for dinner when they can, but they are proud of the fact that when push comes to shove, they require no flexibility whatsoever because they have their nanny/personal assistant at home to allow them to work 24/7/365. And companies are set up to reward them.

[Anonymous]

Bancroft? Never heard of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bancroft? Never heard of it.

^ Barcroft

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the SAHMs - you guys just don’t get it (silly to expect otherwise I guess). The point is that employers should promote flexible work policies so there ISN’T a huge fight / freak out about who has to stay home with a sick kid. Not to mention extended maternity/paternity leave policies so parents can be with their infants. The spouses of SAHMs may come home early for dinner when they can, but they are proud of the fact that when push comes to shove, they require no flexibility whatsoever because they have their nanny/personal assistant at home to allow them to work 24/7/365. And companies are set up to reward them.

And some employees choose not to have kids at all! They and their CFBC spouses don't have to worry about or promote maternity/paternity leave policies or require flexibility in their jobs because it doesn't affect them. They can focus 100 percent on their jobs.

People set up their lives differently and individually.

That's the beauty of choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the SAHMs - you guys just don’t get it (silly to expect otherwise I guess). The point is that employers should promote flexible work policies so there ISN’T a huge fight / freak out about who has to stay home with a sick kid. Not to mention extended maternity/paternity leave policies so parents can be with their infants. The spouses of SAHMs may come home early for dinner when they can, but they are proud of the fact that when push comes to shove, they require no flexibility whatsoever because they have their nanny/personal assistant at home to allow them to work 24/7/365. And companies are set up to reward them.

Are you always this nasty? Or just to SAHMs?

You are an oozy, festering herpes sore on the labia of womanhood. Stop spreading your nasty.

[Anonymous]

So ridiculous. I was home with mine for 25 years. I never one time felt the need to justify my decision. She needs some self-esteem. If your value is connected to a job title or a salary, you suck at life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she made it up to write her blog/article to make money. Never once has someone at a store asked me what I do. Bizarre.

I've been asked this more than a few times and it's probably because I'm dressed in casual clothes and going to the store with my kids in tow during the middle of the day. I didn't take offense to it.

I've been at home for 20 years now and I sometimes get asked if I work. If I say "no" then they'll ask if I'm retired. If I say "no" they then ask if I stay at home. Yep.

I've been home 10 years and never once ask it by a store employee. They were probably being friendly and making conversation.

Yes, I don't take offense because I do think they are just being friendly and I really don't think that they mean anything by it. But I absolutely have been asked this question quite a few times over the years.

Is this a woman thing? I’m a dad, and dress super casual b/c of some medical issues, and often have odd hours for work so take kids to run errands or doctors appointments.

No one in 15 years have ever asked if I had the day off. Is it b/c they assume I work, and thus it is self evident I am taking the day off since I’m like not at work? I guess I just don’t believe this is a real question, like they say it with out thinking and zero interest in any response, at most. Or maybe just OP and PPs misunderstood what was said at all.

I don't know, maybe it's a woman thing? Maybe it's just because I'm seen as more approachable with these kinds of questions for some reason? It's chit chat when these types of questions are asked, I don't find this question overly personal. Although, if I was home on disability for medical reasons or taking a sick day for health reasons I might feel more guarded about answering that question because that would be more personal to me.

As it is, I've been asked this in the past when I'm clearly in workout clothes (coming to/from the gym) and wrangling a couple of kids. Plus, I tend to go to the same stores around the same time (middle of the day) so I'm a familiar face.

[Anonymous]

This lady and this article is just weird.

[Anonymous]

I think she made it up to write her blog/article to make money. Never once has someone at a store asked me what I do. Bizarre.

Seriously. Particularly at 11:30am on a weekday with a baby in tow, no store clerk is assuming anything other than that you're a stay-at-home mom. It's not some radical choice like the author wants it to be.