So have we talked about this SAHM in Arlington Profile?

[Anonymous]

When are we going to be done with this stupidity?

The only people who I feel bad for are the people who do not have a choice about staying home or working. The parents who want to stay home but have to work to help provide for the family or the parentss who want to work but have to stay home due to an issue with a family member that requires constant care/supervision.

I am thankful that my family is in a position where we had the choice. I choose to return to work. I am lucky to have a flexible job so that I can work and be home for my child after school. I am lucky that my DH has a flexible job that allows him to watch DS when he is sick or take him to appointments and that we can swap off during the day so we both get hours in.

I could stay home if I wanted to but I choose to work because I like my job, we like the extra income, and we are able to work our schedules so that DS only notices he has 2 working parents during the summer.

I am happy for my friends and neighbors who choose to stay home. They are happy with their choice and their families make it work.

My identity is based on many life experiences as well as what I am doing today. And what I am doing today includes work, being a Mom, camping, hiking, backpacking, playing games, and helping out my sons Cub Scout Pack. Life is good.

Enjoy where you are and stop worrying about other peoples choices.

Why is this so hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays.

I had a lengthy conversation with a sahd yesterday. Feel better?

Was he at home with a son, a woman supporting them both, and crowing “the future is male!?”

I’d say no different were that the case.

If you don’t see the irony in that quote from the article, I can’t help you.

When one person takes care of the children and homefront, that allows the partner to work, including travel, unfettered by childcare and other home-based concerns. There is huge value in that, and it’s the partnership that allows it. They are both supporting the entire family unit. No irony.

Maybe in some SAHM situations. In my case, I see my child as my daytime occupation. If I throw in laundry or dishes, fine, but I’m not home slaving away at the house while DH sits back. He gets home and helps with dishes and laundry and takes the trash out we hire cleaners to come once every 2-3 weeks so neither of us has to scrub toilets. Once DH isn’t home for the night, child duties are split between us, most of the time more heavily in DH’s direction as he often does both bath and bed.

Meant to say once DH *is home* for the night, childcare is split... I wouldn’t say DH is unfettered by child and home concerns.

What I meant by that is that the partner earning an income can travel for work, stay late for meetings, head to the office when a kid is sick, not have to come home to meet a contractor, etc. Unfettered in that sense.

Yeah, but that kind of stuff is called being a parent. Also called being a house owner, if you want to talk about a contractor. I get that that stuff is inconvenient, but it sounds like these parents (dad in your scenario) want to have kids as long as they're not inconvenienced by them. To me, that's offputting. And I work full time, so I'm not one of those "why did you have kids if you're only going to abandon them to a nanny" hand wringers.

NP here. You are being deliberately obtuse. My husband and I are in regular contact about home repairs, sick kids, etc. It’s just I am the one physically taking care of the sick kid and meeting the cable guy. I don’t feel neglected or abandoned and neither do my kids. He attends all games, performances and PT conferences. He just doesn’t run to Rite Aid for the amoxicillin. It works.

[Anonymous]

I get your general point and agree that the petty drama needs to end. But this "you do you" mentality is ultimately self-serving because it doesn't help those people who don't have choices. We can do more than simply "feel bad" for them and feel thankful for our own privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays.

I had a lengthy conversation with a sahd yesterday. Feel better?

Was he at home with a son, a woman supporting them both, and crowing “the future is male!?”

I’d say no different were that the case.

If you don’t see the irony in that quote from the article, I can’t help you.

When one person takes care of the children and homefront, that allows the partner to work, including travel, unfettered by childcare and other home-based concerns. There is huge value in that, and it’s the partnership that allows it. They are both supporting the entire family unit. No irony.

Maybe in some SAHM situations. In my case, I see my child as my daytime occupation. If I throw in laundry or dishes, fine, but I’m not home slaving away at the house while DH sits back. He gets home and helps with dishes and laundry and takes the trash out we hire cleaners to come once every 2-3 weeks so neither of us has to scrub toilets. Once DH isn’t home for the night, child duties are split between us, most of the time more heavily in DH’s direction as he often does both bath and bed.

Meant to say once DH *is home* for the night, childcare is split... I wouldn’t say DH is unfettered by child and home concerns.

What I meant by that is that the partner earning an income can travel for work, stay late for meetings, head to the office when a kid is sick, not have to come home to meet a contractor, etc. Unfettered in that sense.

Yeah, but that kind of stuff is called being a parent. Also called being a house owner, if you want to talk about a contractor. I get that that stuff is inconvenient, but it sounds like these parents (dad in your scenario) want to have kids as long as they're not inconvenienced by them. To me, that's offputting. And I work full time, so I'm not one of those "why did you have kids if you're only going to abandon them to a nanny" hand wringers.

NP here. You are being deliberately obtuse. My husband and I are in regular contact about home repairs, sick kids, etc. It’s just I am the one physically taking care of the sick kid and meeting the cable guy. I don’t feel neglected or abandoned and neither do my kids. He attends all games, performances and PT conferences. He just doesn’t run to Rite Aid for the amoxicillin. It works.

Both of you need to stop.

Also, you can get prescriptions delivered these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get asked if I have the day off all the time —
Nurses, dentists, cashiers...

So do I. But it’s just chitchat, no need to take offense or launch into some diatribe. Sometimes I just smile, sometimes I tell them I’m home with my toddler.

Same. Everyone always says "you're so lucky to be able to do that."

And yeah, I am. I'm happy to do it and I'm lucky that I can.

I've never gotten one negative response. Probably because no one wants to be rude to someone else's face, especially if that other person is a paying customer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get your general point and agree that the petty drama needs to end. But this "you do you" mentality is ultimately self-serving because it doesn't help those people who don't have choices. We can do more than simply "feel bad" for them and feel thankful for our own privilege.

It has nothing to do with me being me. I want every family to have the choice but I, like most people, have no idea how we get there. I do know that sniping at people who do have the choice for making the choices that they make does nothing to advance the conversation. All the sniping does is diminish the conversation and causes people to look for other policy areas that they might be able to affect because people are not trying to stab each other in the back because they made different choices.

Nothing in this conversation is relevant to discussing how we develop a society where everyone has that choice. Because the reality is that for people to have that choice we need to figure out how we raise wages so that people can love off of one income and fix the medical system so that services are provided for people in need and on a regular enough basis that someone doesn't have to give up a job to care for a loved one.

So yes, I am privileged because I am a place to make that choice at this moment in my life. My DH and I are working to save money so that we can continue to make choices but are not in any way guaranteed to maintain this lifestyle. But that doesn't mean that I cannot roll my eyes at the unnecessary vicious comments made by SAHP and WP.

[Anonymous]

I agree that everyone should do what works for them; no judgement either way from me.

When I worked and lived in DC (2 decades ago), when oh so many folks asked me what I did -- I would answer --

"For money or for fun?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get your general point and agree that the petty drama needs to end. But this "you do you" mentality is ultimately self-serving because it doesn't help those people who don't have choices. We can do more than simply "feel bad" for them and feel thankful for our own privilege.

What are we supposed to do for other people? Sorry you can't afford to take a break from your job but no one is going to pay you to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get asked if I have the day off all the time —
Nurses, dentists, cashiers...

So I notice I get that question a lot from other people who work non-traditional schedules--like medical professionals (a lot of dentists are open Saturday but have closed or half days during the week, too), cashiers, etc. I think part of it has nothing to do with distinguishing between SAHMs and WOHMs but rather the fact that, in their world, a lot of people have Mondays or Tuesdays or whatever off. For them, it's normal to ask someone if it's "their day off" on a Wednesday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get asked if I have the day off all the time —
Nurses, dentists, cashiers...

So I notice I get that question a lot from other people who work non-traditional schedules--like medical professionals (a lot of dentists are open Saturday but have closed or half days during the week, too), cashiers, etc. I think part of it has nothing to do with distinguishing between SAHMs and WOHMs but rather the fact that, in their world, a lot of people have Mondays or Tuesdays or whatever off. For them, it's normal to ask someone if it's "their day off" on a Wednesday.

Also, in DC, a lot of people are on flex schedules where you do have a weekday off...there's a restaurant I take my kid to sometimes on my flex day off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimate hypocrisy. “The future is female” - so I’ll stay home while a man pays.

I had a lengthy conversation with a sahd yesterday. Feel better?

Was he at home with a son, a woman supporting them both, and crowing “the future is male!?”

I’d say no different were that the case.

If you don’t see the irony in that quote from the article, I can’t help you.

When one person takes care of the children and homefront, that allows the partner to work, including travel, unfettered by childcare and other home-based concerns. There is huge value in that, and it’s the partnership that allows it. They are both supporting the entire family unit. No irony.

Maybe in some SAHM situations. In my case, I see my child as my daytime occupation. If I throw in laundry or dishes, fine, but I’m not home slaving away at the house while DH sits back. He gets home and helps with dishes and laundry and takes the trash out we hire cleaners to come once every 2-3 weeks so neither of us has to scrub toilets. Once DH isn’t home for the night, child duties are split between us, most of the time more heavily in DH’s direction as he often does both bath and bed.

Meant to say once DH *is home* for the night, childcare is split... I wouldn’t say DH is unfettered by child and home concerns.

What I meant by that is that the partner earning an income can travel for work, stay late for meetings, head to the office when a kid is sick, not have to come home to meet a contractor, etc. Unfettered in that sense.

Yeah, but that kind of stuff is called being a parent. Also called being a house owner, if you want to talk about a contractor. I get that that stuff is inconvenient, but it sounds like these parents (dad in your scenario) want to have kids as long as they're not inconvenienced by them. To me, that's offputting. And I work full time, so I'm not one of those "why did you have kids if you're only going to abandon them to a nanny" hand wringers.

NP here. You are being deliberately obtuse. My husband and I are in regular contact about home repairs, sick kids, etc. It’s just I am the one physically taking care of the sick kid and meeting the cable guy. I don’t feel neglected or abandoned and neither do my kids. He attends all games, performances and PT conferences. He just doesn’t run to Rite Aid for the amoxicillin. It works.

Both of you need to stop.

Also, you can get prescriptions delivered these days.

I posted above and it was the first time I did so, so there are more than two people commenting on this. Also, people are entitled to their opinions. If you don't like it, then don't read it or don't bother to comment. But you don't get to tell people to stop voicing their opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get your general point and agree that the petty drama needs to end. But this "you do you" mentality is ultimately self-serving because it doesn't help those people who don't have choices. We can do more than simply "feel bad" for them and feel thankful for our own privilege.

Stop with the ‘privilege’ stuff. It is not about privilege it is about choices in adult life that lead you to your current life and decisions. For the most part, people chose to or chose not to get a higher education or vocational training. People, for the most part but there are always exceptions, chose to have kids. It is what goes on in your relational, financial and emotional household that directs these types of choices. I am a ‘you do you’ person because no one else walks in your shoes and understands YOUR life. What more CAN I do realistically?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your general point and agree that the petty drama needs to end. But this "you do you" mentality is ultimately self-serving because it doesn't help those people who don't have choices. We can do more than simply "feel bad" for them and feel thankful for our own privilege.

Stop with the ‘privilege’ stuff. It is not about privilege it is about choices in adult life that lead you to your current life and decisions. For the most part, people chose to or chose not to get a higher education or vocational training. People, for the most part but there are always exceptions, chose to have kids. It is what goes on in your relational, financial and emotional household that directs these types of choices. I am a ‘you do you’ person because no one else walks in your shoes and understands YOUR life. What more CAN I do realistically?!?

For starters you can pull your head out of your a$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your general point and agree that the petty drama needs to end. But this "you do you" mentality is ultimately self-serving because it doesn't help those people who don't have choices. We can do more than simply "feel bad" for them and feel thankful for our own privilege.

Stop with the ‘privilege’ stuff. It is not about privilege it is about choices in adult life that lead you to your current life and decisions. For the most part, people chose to or chose not to get a higher education or vocational training. People, for the most part but there are always exceptions, chose to have kids. It is what goes on in your relational, financial and emotional household that directs these types of choices. I am a ‘you do you’ person because no one else walks in your shoes and understands YOUR life. What more CAN I do realistically?!?

For starters you can pull your head out of your a$$.

Omg that poster is unreal. People choose to get vocational training instead of higher education because they don’t want to make as much money as they possibly can? Are you really saying that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your general point and agree that the petty drama needs to end. But this "you do you" mentality is ultimately self-serving because it doesn't help those people who don't have choices. We can do more than simply "feel bad" for them and feel thankful for our own privilege.

Stop with the ‘privilege’ stuff. It is not about privilege it is about choices in adult life that lead you to your current life and decisions. For the most part, people chose to or chose not to get a higher education or vocational training. People, for the most part but there are always exceptions, chose to have kids. It is what goes on in your relational, financial and emotional household that directs these types of choices. I am a ‘you do you’ person because no one else walks in your shoes and understands YOUR life. What more CAN I do realistically?!?

For starters you can pull your head out of your a$$.

Omg that poster is unreal. People choose to get vocational training instead of higher education because they don’t want to make as much money as they possibly can? Are you really saying that?

I completely agree with the poster you are calling “unreal.” We start making choices that impact our adult life pretty early, no one wants to admit it. The people who complain about not being able to stay home are often the ones who chose to work in low paying industries or who chose spouses who are low earners. Or who refuse to take time away from their careers because they would lose prestige or have to demote themselves.