So have we talked about this SAHM in Arlington Profile?

[Anonymous]

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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my two cents:

1. Every woman has the right to choose: whether she wants kids, how many kids, etc.; who she builds a family with; and how she raises them.

2. Whatever choice you make, own it! Don’t feel insecure about it. Don’t be hypersensitive and get defensive. And don’t criticize people for making different choices.

Problem solved.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ppl here act like it’s this huge choice between slaving away at 80 hrs a week while kids are shipped off to daycare vs staying at home. In real life it is much more blurred, people leave and re enter the workforce, people work part time, people lean out and choose easier jobs. Sometimes both spouses lean out. And more and more ppl WAH and take flex time so it’s hard to tell who is a SAHP unless you know them or their routine.

This is correct. The issue is that SAHMs either a) have husbands who make tons of money and are either chained to their work or claim to be to get out of doing anything around the house and/or b) didn't work long enough / recently enough to gain seniority or flexibility, so they continue to propagate the 'I couldn't possibly work!' mentality.

They have saved the family money by staying at home and not outsourcing household chores. If they continue to SAH to provide an adult presence in the home once the kids get older, how is that anyone else's business? Unless they are complaining about it they probably don't need your input or opinion on how they choose to live their lives anymore than you want their opinion about how you choose to live your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your general point and agree that the petty drama needs to end. But this "you do you" mentality is ultimately self-serving because it doesn't help those people who don't have choices. We can do more than simply "feel bad" for them and feel thankful for our own privilege.

Stop with the ‘privilege’ stuff. It is not about privilege it is about choices in adult life that lead you to your current life and decisions. For the most part, people chose to or chose not to get a higher education or vocational training. People, for the most part but there are always exceptions, chose to have kids. It is what goes on in your relational, financial and emotional household that directs these types of choices. I am a ‘you do you’ person because no one else walks in your shoes and understands YOUR life. What more CAN I do realistically?!?

For starters you can pull your head out of your a$$.

Omg that poster is unreal. People choose to get vocational training instead of higher education because they don’t want to make as much money as they possibly can? Are you really saying that?

I completely agree with the poster you are calling “unreal.” We start making choices that impact our adult life pretty early, no one wants to admit it. The people who complain about not being able to stay home are often the ones who chose to work in low paying industries or who chose spouses who are low earners. Or who refuse to take time away from their careers because they would lose prestige or have to demote themselves.

In that sense it is a choice, but at 20 when you are making the decision for your college major, you don't always have the foresight to know what you will want if/when you have kids. I sure didn't, and my parents weren't very helpful at steerinig me toward a high-paying career.

[Anonymous]

Forget 20, when you are born to a family were all the adults are drop outs and you don't have a good role model for academic success, how do you make choices that will lead to college? If your parents did not read to you or make you do your homework or where not in a position to help you with your homework even if they want to?

Only 1/3 of the population is going to complete a 4 year college degree. The vast majority of the population will end up in fields that do not require a college degree. Many of those professions are capable of providing for a family but a large number are not.

The ability to make the choice is limited to people who have far more choices from an early age. For many people, there is no choice. A parent has to stay home because there is no affordable day care. Or jobs with the flexibility to take care of a sick child or a child on a snow day are hard to fine.

Those of us with the choice are fighting over which choice is better, which is ridiculous. Little is being done to try and expand affordable child care options. We are struggling to figure out how to break the cycle of poverty and the drop out cycle.

But by all means, lets keep sniping at each other about the choice that you made or didn't make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your general point and agree that the petty drama needs to end. But this "you do you" mentality is ultimately self-serving because it doesn't help those people who don't have choices. We can do more than simply "feel bad" for them and feel thankful for our own privilege.

Stop with the ‘privilege’ stuff. It is not about privilege it is about choices in adult life that lead you to your current life and decisions. For the most part, people chose to or chose not to get a higher education or vocational training. People, for the most part but there are always exceptions, chose to have kids. It is what goes on in your relational, financial and emotional household that directs these types of choices. I am a ‘you do you’ person because no one else walks in your shoes and understands YOUR life. What more CAN I do realistically?!?

For starters you can pull your head out of your a$$.

Omg that poster is unreal. People choose to get vocational training instead of higher education because they don’t want to make as much money as they possibly can? Are you really saying that?

I completely agree with the poster you are calling “unreal.” We start making choices that impact our adult life pretty early, no one wants to admit it. The people who complain about not being able to stay home are often the ones who chose to work in low paying industries or who chose spouses who are low earners. Or who refuse to take time away from their careers because they would lose prestige or have to demote themselves.

In that sense it is a choice, but at 20 when you are making the decision for your college major, you don't always have the foresight to know what you will want if/when you have kids. I sure didn't, and my parents weren't very helpful at steerinig me toward a high-paying career.

Maybe not, but you should have some idea by your mid to late 20s, after a few years in the work force or living on your own after college/grad
School. Unless you are willfully ignorant or naïveté is financed by helicopter parents, you should have a pretty decent idea of the way the world works before you start having children. I was an art major in college, loved every minute of it, but never thought for a second that I would be able to afford to be an artist and raise children in this area. I work in a related, but more lucrative area as does my spouse. I stayed home to avoid daycare costs (and because I liked it) when my kids were young, lived in a low cost area, and my spouse went back to get a graduate degree and make more money. It’s not rocket science. People make choices and then they have to either deal with it or change.