Overwhelmed- any advice for a fellow mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've led a very comfortable healthy life to get flustered by a couple of ER visits with stitches. So I'd focus on that - you've been blessed for a long time. Now your healthy streak took a pause, that's all.

If you don't like how your weekends are set up, change them. Do less. Say no to people. This is all in your control.

Actually, 3 yrs ago I watched my mother suffer a massive stroke after years of her being sick and dealt with the aftermath of that until she died, in which I was in the room with her for. Blessed that I myself have been healthy, yes. But a comfortable life wouldn't exactly describe my life. These were not minor stitches incidents. Both were on face, blood everywhere, not at home, rush to the ER type incidents with many follow up appointments. I feel like I was in fight or flight mode a lot in a small amt of time and am having trouble bouncing back. Thank you though for your reply.

OP you do not have to justify anything to this PP. You came on here to ask for advice, not to get a backhanded slap. Don't feed that part of this PP's response. She gave you some good advice once you get through her vinegar.

And good for you for staying classy in your reply.

[Anonymous]

I hear you. Being worried about your children and dealing with stressful medical stuff is draining. I don’t have a lot of advice as I have been dealing with similar stuff, on top of stuff at work. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted. What helps me a lot is consciously taking time to fill my tank. We were able to get away this summer for a week and that made me feel so positive. Ditto for short trip to see a friend get married. On a smaller scale, things like acupuncture or massage. I think everyone has a threshold for managing stress and sometimes events conspire to just take you way beyond. The key is not to beat up on yourself for what happened and how you feel. Your thoughts are on overdrive. Try to quiet your mind and make peace with the present. Easier said than done, I know. Sending love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've led a very comfortable healthy life to get flustered by a couple of ER visits with stitches. So I'd focus on that - you've been blessed for a long time. Now your healthy streak took a pause, that's all.

If you don't like how your weekends are set up, change them. Do less. Say no to people. This is all in your control.

Actually, 3 yrs ago I watched my mother suffer a massive stroke after years of her being sick and dealt with the aftermath of that until she died, in which I was in the room with her for. Blessed that I myself have been healthy, yes. But a comfortable life wouldn't exactly describe my life. These were not minor stitches incidents. Both were on face, blood everywhere, not at home, rush to the ER type incidents with many follow up appointments. I feel like I was in fight or flight mode a lot in a small amt of time and am having trouble bouncing back. Thank you though for your reply.

Eh, faces bleed a lot. Perhaps I forget that not everyone gets very calm and laser focused like I do in medical emergencies. Sorry if you couldn't do that. BTW, Tide with cold water is phenomenal at getting out facial blood.

This person is a jerk and is trying to be antagonist, OP. Just stop replying to her/him.

[Anonymous]

I’m with the PP who suggested having your partner carry more weight at this time so that you can have some time to restore yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’m really sorry, OP. Some PPs have given good advice, and mine (in no particular order would be):

-Day or two off during the workweek so you can rest in a quiet house
-Be diligent in getting as much sleep as possible
-Daily exercise if it’s not something you do already; even gentle things like yoga and walking can help
-Drink lots of water, eat lots of fruits and veggies
-Book time with a trusted friend who will listen and who gets you
-Cancel or postpone what weekend activities you can. I love Fall and all the Fall activities, too, but you don’t need to do everything
-Think of how you can pare down for the holidays and focus on what really matters to you. What can you lose and what do you want to keep, that kind of thing. If there’s any easy stuff you can do now to prepare, do that

Hang in there. That’s an awful lot of stress for one month. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi- I have a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old. In the last month, between my two kids, Ive had a ton of stress. Was in the ER twice for stitches (one of those visits required an xray also. and both have resulted in multiple plastic surgeon visits) and one of them had a horrible allergic reaction that we had to rush to urgent care for. All while one was having a really difficult time adjusting to the new school year. I feel extremely burned out and its not because Ive done so much but from the emotional toll its all taken on me in less than a 4 week period. The hours sitting in the ER waiting and worrying two separate times, etc.. I feel extremely exhausted in a way I never have before and am having trouble getting back into good spirits. Prior to the ER visits and everything else, Id been in a really good mood, positive, etc. Every weekend is booked with sports, fall events, birthdays, family visits and I feel the pressure of the holidays looming over me already. Any advice to help me out of this funk?

Welcome to Parenthood!

[Anonymous]

This stuff is hard and trips to the ER are so jarring. Take care of yourself and don't feel guilty for needing to prioritize it. I don't have any real advice, but I understand your stress.

[Anonymous]

Aw, sending you good vibes OP. It can be hard getting out of a funk, but you will. I echo the others about making time to move your body in a way that feels good, spending time resting, and looking into therapy to process feelings after your mother’s passing if you haven’t already. Other quick pick me ups might be taking a day off work to sit in your house alone, starting to meditate (game changer for me), opening windows in your home, lighting a candle and turning on music for quiet time or a dance party, and bringing plants into your house. Self care is SO important. I used to think getting drinks with a friend or alone time counted but I’ve since realized that true self care takes care of your mind body and spirit. Too often we just pick one but you are a wonderfully complex human. Don’t beat yourself up if it’s hard to figure out sometime. You’ll pull through!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with the the poster that reminded you that you have been lucky. There are lots of parents on here that have children with special needs and chronic illnesses that would trade a couple of trips to the ER for the never ending worry about their child being able to live independent or possibly having a shortened life span. We all have issues, including parents and children.

I don’t understand why your compassionate reply to someone reaching out for a lifeline is to say buck up, buttercup. OP could be perfectly capable of dealing with issues under normal circumstances but the relentlessness of the past four weeks could be wearing her down. Everyone needs to be able to stop to catch their breath, regardless of perceived magnitude of their problems.

+++++10000000

I’ve never come across such negative, unsupportive people in real life.

[Anonymous]

Op, you have every right to feel overwhelmed. I’ve had one child in the ER and hospitalized and it is emotionally draining. I understand and sympathize. I have had a newborn in and out of surgery previously. It is unfair of others to say that you have been lucky thus far.

I think I complained a few years ago about sleep deprivation and I got attacked saying I should feel lucky I even have kids because so many deal with infertility.

[Anonymous]

This is life. We all go though periods of upheaval. You are in one. It will pass. None of us has made it through life or adulthood or parenthood without pockets filled with minor catastrophes occurring back to back.

[Anonymous]

OP, I sometimes find myself overwhelmed with every weekend filled. What helps me is to sit down with my calendar and edit as much as possible. See if you can cut anything out. Ask for help/understanding from your partner & family. (Hopefully!) they love you and want to help you be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I understand your stress and I am completely sympathetic. One of my kids died when they were four but reading your post doesn’t make me think that your situation is insignificant. It is not a contest.

My only advice is to try your best to reduce your booked weekends this fall. Give yourself permission to say no to some events and just do less. Particularly less of the events that require effort or that could end up being stressful.

+1 I had a child with special needs who passed away when she was 5, and I don’t understand this “think of all the parents with sick or dead kids!” response. Just because everything turned out fine with OP’s kids doesn’t mean the experience wasn’t traumatic or left her genuinely shaken. Have some empathy.

OP, as others have said I would suggest moments of self care, however you can find them. An extra few minutes in the shower to just ground yourself. A morning walk by yourself. A massage if you can swing it! And ask for support! Find your people and lean on them - don’t be afraid to ask, this is what they are for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking your child to the hospital, even for something relatively minor, is very stressful and upsetting. Nobody likes to see their child hurt or in pain and you endured it multiple times in a short period. I'm really sorry. I say, cancel all your plans this weekend and cut back the next 2 weekends and just spend time with your family. If you feel this overwhelmed, your family is feeling it too. Prioritize your family and forget everyone else!

+1. OP - I'm sorry people are giving you so much grief. Life is stressful and if we're living on the edge, things like two ER visits in a few weeks can certainly push even the best of us out of whack and into a bad place.

I hope you can take some downtime. Don't feel guilty about canceling things and just get some time to rest and recharge. Do you have a partner? Can he/ she help hold the fort down for a weekend or two for you to get some rest and downtime?

[Anonymous]

Dear Overwhelmed,

My recipe for overwhelmed is:
1. Warn the family, to the bathroom, close the door and yell till it is all out and you are tired. I prefer doing this sitting on the commode.
2. Flush it all down the commode, clean up any messes you left behind and walk out of that bathroom a NEW WOMAN.
3. Comb your hair, put on bright, clean clothes and go cook up a candlelight dinner.

By the way the best recipe for the ER is my husbands solution. While they leave you sitting in the cubicle grab a few rubber gloves, blow them up and juggle the balloons. ER needs some laughs. With five children we didn't even have to check in at the ER and they knew our routine. Sometimes my husband would carry the child on his shoulders sometimes on a stretcher/cot. We would go back to the ER afterwards with flowers or a box of candy to lighten the bad memories. I am praying for you as you face the challenges that you can find the Light. I always have to remind myself there are others worse off than I am or I will find myself falling in the "funk." I remember it is trap and I don't want to g there. Blessing to you and your beautiful, active family.