Overwhelmed- any advice for a fellow mom?

[Anonymous]

Hi- I have a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old. In the last month, between my two kids, Ive had a ton of stress. Was in the ER twice for stitches (one of those visits required an xray also. and both have resulted in multiple plastic surgeon visits) and one of them had a horrible allergic reaction that we had to rush to urgent care for. All while one was having a really difficult time adjusting to the new school year. I feel extremely burned out and its not because Ive done so much but from the emotional toll its all taken on me in less than a 4 week period. The hours sitting in the ER waiting and worrying two separate times, etc.. I feel extremely exhausted in a way I never have before and am having trouble getting back into good spirits. Prior to the ER visits and everything else, Id been in a really good mood, positive, etc. Every weekend is booked with sports, fall events, birthdays, family visits and I feel the pressure of the holidays looming over me already. Any advice to help me out of this funk?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you've led a very comfortable healthy life to get flustered by a couple of ER visits with stitches. So I'd focus on that - you've been blessed for a long time. Now your healthy streak took a pause, that's all.

If you don't like how your weekends are set up, change them. Do less. Say no to people. This is all in your control.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, it’s ok to feel bad sometimes. When everything calms down you will slowly go back to normal, and if not then I would seek help.

I think sometimes we expect ourselves to just snap back to normal after difficult events but that’s not how it works. Our minds and our bodies need time to process difficult events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've led a very comfortable healthy life to get flustered by a couple of ER visits with stitches. So I'd focus on that - you've been blessed for a long time. Now your healthy streak took a pause, that's all.

If you don't like how your weekends are set up, change them. Do less. Say no to people. This is all in your control.

Actually, 3 yrs ago I watched my mother suffer a massive stroke after years of her being sick and dealt with the aftermath of that until she died, in which I was in the room with her for. Blessed that I myself have been healthy, yes. But a comfortable life wouldn't exactly describe my life. These were not minor stitches incidents. Both were on face, blood everywhere, not at home, rush to the ER type incidents with many follow up appointments. I feel like I was in fight or flight mode a lot in a small amt of time and am having trouble bouncing back. Thank you though for your reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, it’s ok to feel bad sometimes. When everything calms down you will slowly go back to normal, and if not then I would seek help.

I think sometimes we expect ourselves to just snap back to normal after difficult events but that’s not how it works. Our minds and our bodies need time to process difficult events.

Thanks PP!

[Anonymous]

I’m with the the poster that reminded you that you have been lucky. There are lots of parents on here that have children with special needs and chronic illnesses that would trade a couple of trips to the ER for the never ending worry about their child being able to live independent or possibly having a shortened life span. We all have issues, including parents and children.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP my kid is 4 and has SN. As a result I feel compelled to accept every play date and party, to maximize his odds of being included. This weekend he has karate, a party and 12, and a party at 6. So I re-evaluated. It’s too much. We don't have to do everything. Also, I hired a housekeeper2x per week. She cooks for an hour and cleans for an hour. It’s a game changer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with the the poster that reminded you that you have been lucky. There are lots of parents on here that have children with special needs and chronic illnesses that would trade a couple of trips to the ER for the never ending worry about their child being able to live independent or possibly having a shortened life span. We all have issues, including parents and children.

OP here.Not sure why you assume I dont have a child with special needs?? I didnt post in the special needs board bc this isnt a post about special needs. In my op I mentioned it was all going on while my one son was having trouble adjusting to this school year (which is due to issues he has), but again thats not what this post was about.

[Anonymous]

Stress of the recent ER visits bring you back to the time of your mom's declining health and passing? The feeling of things being out of your hands and control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with the the poster that reminded you that you have been lucky. There are lots of parents on here that have children with special needs and chronic illnesses that would trade a couple of trips to the ER for the never ending worry about their child being able to live independent or possibly having a shortened life span. We all have issues, including parents and children.

I don’t understand why your compassionate reply to someone reaching out for a lifeline is to say buck up, buttercup. OP could be perfectly capable of dealing with issues under normal circumstances but the relentlessness of the past four weeks could be wearing her down. Everyone needs to be able to stop to catch their breath, regardless of perceived magnitude of their problems.

[Anonymous]

Stress is part of being a mother and ER visits are very stressful. When my one year old suddenly had seizures last year and an ambulance took her to the hospital it took me a long time to get over it as the odds were good she would continue to have them until she was about 5. She had another seizure a few months ago but it was less stressful because we knew what to do.

[Anonymous]

OP - It sounds like you've been through a lot lately and it took a big toll on your nerves. I'm guessing it took a toll on your sleep as well, which can have a huge impact on your energy and mood.

In the short term, any chance of just a night away for some real rest and relaxation?

Longer term, try to do as much as you can to take of the basics: get some sleep, try to exercise, try to eat well.

Trust that this will pass and that it won't be like this forever. Sometimes when you're down it's easy to get stuck in the moment and feel like it'll be like this forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - It sounds like you've been through a lot lately and it took a big toll on your nerves. I'm guessing it took a toll on your sleep as well, which can have a huge impact on your energy and mood.

In the short term, any chance of just a night away for some real rest and relaxation?

Longer term, try to do as much as you can to take of the basics: get some sleep, try to exercise, try to eat well.

Trust that this will pass and that it won't be like this forever. Sometimes when you're down it's easy to get stuck in the moment and feel like it'll be like this forever.

Thanks so much for this advice! My mood and energy is so bad right now and I hate the way it feels. I appreciate your thoughtful post. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP - I understand your stress and I am completely sympathetic. One of my kids died when they were four but reading your post doesn’t make me think that your situation is insignificant. It is not a contest.

My only advice is to try your best to reduce your booked weekends this fall. Give yourself permission to say no to some events and just do less. Particularly less of the events that require effort or that could end up being stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stress is part of being a mother and ER visits are very stressful. When my one year old suddenly had seizures last year and an ambulance took her to the hospital it took me a long time to get over it as the odds were good she would continue to have them until she was about 5. She had another seizure a few months ago but it was less stressful because we knew what to do.

OP here- So sorry to hear about your DC's seizures. I can imagine how awful that was and has been for you. I hope she and you are doing ok.