Overwhelmed- any advice for a fellow mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I understand your stress and I am completely sympathetic. One of my kids died when they were four but reading your post doesn’t make me think that your situation is insignificant. It is not a contest.

My only advice is to try your best to reduce your booked weekends this fall. Give yourself permission to say no to some events and just do less. Particularly less of the events that require effort or that could end up being stressful.

PP, I am so so so sorry to read about your loss. Thanks for taking the time to respond. I appreciate the support and hope you are doing ok. I wish you the best and sending virtual hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

You need to stop with constant activities, that make you stressed when Er visit happens. It sounds like your kids are over scheduled and hence you are over scheduled and nobody is actually enjoying. You work full time? Given their ages, there is no need to make every weekend a rat race. I recommend you stop sports for the fall, sure not easy, but instead have some baking, walking, picking leaves fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m with the the poster that reminded you that you have been lucky. There are lots of parents on here that have children with special needs and chronic illnesses that would trade a couple of trips to the ER for the never ending worry about their child being able to live independent or possibly having a shortened life span. We all have issues, including parents and children.

I don’t understand why your compassionate reply to someone reaching out for a lifeline is to say buck up, buttercup. OP could be perfectly capable of dealing with issues under normal circumstances but the relentlessness of the past four weeks could be wearing her down. Everyone needs to be able to stop to catch their breath, regardless of perceived magnitude of their problems.

Thanks so much PP. Your wording of "relentlessness of the past four weeks" sums up exactly how Ive felt. Thanks for understanding and for the empathy.

Im not trying to feel sorry for myself at all- just needed some advice to figure out how to start fresh and stop feeling so worn down after the last month. Thanks again for understanding!

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t help with the day to day realities, but watch Shawn Achor’s TED talk. It’s all about how we view our world and how we can maximize happiness by changing what we see and how we react

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn’t help with the day to day realities, but watch Shawn Achor’s TED talk. It’s all about how we view our world and how we can maximize happiness by changing what we see and how we react

Thanks, will do!

[Anonymous]

Any chance you have a partner or family member who could take the reins for a day while you take time for a little self care? Sounds like you've been running yourself ragged meeting everyone else's needs for a while, probably without much time to deal with your own. Doesn't have to be anything as elaborate as a spa day, even just a long lunch with friends or an afternoon wander through a museum and a cup of coffee with a book in the cafe..

If you can't work it out, or if you try taking a day for yourself and it doesn't help because you feel guiltily for not being at home, then consider building in shorter, more frequent slots for something you enjoy. Sometimes that's easier than managing to carve out a full day on your own.

Super if it's something mind-body oriented like yoga or meditation, but it could be a book club or crafting class, or some kind of tough sweaty exercise class, whatever takes you to a happy place and boosts your endorphins and serotonin. And do it regularly, as something to look forward to when the grind gets you down.

Sign up and pay for a class, or agree to go with a friend who's counting on you, something so that you (and everyone else around you) are put on notice that this is a priority. This is happening—barring more blood and stitches—every week. And stick to that!


Also, I agree with others who said take a look at your calendar and see what items can go. I find that Fall weekends get really exhausting some years, too, and it's hard not to see it an a big unbroken stretch of craziness all the way through January. See where you can eliminate or scale back, or split the load with your partner or parents of your kids' friends. And don't let those rare holes in the schedule fill up with "should-do"s. Keep at least a few open for "want-to"s.

[Anonymous]

1) if you can, take 2 mental health days from work. On one day, do nothing. Eat junk food, stay in you Pjs and binge a good show. On the other, get some stuff done on your to-do list. Maybe not even the big stuff, but that little stuff that drives you crazy but you never get too because it’s little stuff (hello linen closet that looks like a tornado has gone through it). Or prep and freeze some meals.

2) when you are approaching critical burnout, simplify your life. Say no to a few things. Do take out or frozen pizza every night for a week and eat on paper plates. Or make 1 big thing (pot of chili) and eat through that for a few days. This is the time to cut corners, be kind to yourself and feel no guilt.

3) temporarily hire out as much as you can. Get a cleaning person (or have them come more often if you already use one). Hire a Mother’s helper to play with the kids for 1-2 hours when you get home so you can focus on dinner etc.
Use Instacart to order groceries and have them delivered or do store pickup. (I save so much time and money ordering from Target online and picking up at the store. Now I don’t spend an additional $100 as I wander through)

4) reach out to your community. Ask a parent if you could drop off your kid(s) for 1-1.5 hours and go to a coffee shop and read. Or hire a babysitter and go out to lunch/dinner with friends.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for you just reading your post! It is not a competition as to who is more miserable, but there are a couple of pps that always have it worse. And they cook from scratch all the time! LOL, just joking. Ease up on activities and family obligations, weekends are supposed to be about sleeping in, having an easy time and cuddling in bed with your kids. If you are waking up early non stop, and you can't even sleep in on the weekends, or at least stay in your pjs a bit longer, what is there to enjoy? This idea that we must keep working and doing comes with the mentality ingrained in the U.S. culture where you feel guilty if you are lollygagging! But, doing kind of nothing is the best kind of doing nothing!

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but have you need an outlet- a good brisk daily walk, an hour at the gym, some sort of exercise. It makes a world of difference. Or write your thoughts in a journal; that helps too.

Where is DH? Not only using him as a soundboard to vent, but someone to jump in so the burden doesn't all fall on you.

On a positive note, the kids probably aren't as overwhelmed as you are. They're resilient. They don't have the forward thinking skills we as adults have so things like the logistics of follow up appts or lifelong scars or you taking off work, etc isnt really something that's on their radar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've led a very comfortable healthy life to get flustered by a couple of ER visits with stitches. So I'd focus on that - you've been blessed for a long time. Now your healthy streak took a pause, that's all.

If you don't like how your weekends are set up, change them. Do less. Say no to people. This is all in your control.

Actually, 3 yrs ago I watched my mother suffer a massive stroke after years of her being sick and dealt with the aftermath of that until she died, in which I was in the room with her for. Blessed that I myself have been healthy, yes. But a comfortable life wouldn't exactly describe my life. These were not minor stitches incidents. Both were on face, blood everywhere, not at home, rush to the ER type incidents with many follow up appointments. I feel like I was in fight or flight mode a lot in a small amt of time and am having trouble bouncing back. Thank you though for your reply.

Eh, faces bleed a lot. Perhaps I forget that not everyone gets very calm and laser focused like I do in medical emergencies. Sorry if you couldn't do that. BTW, Tide with cold water is phenomenal at getting out facial blood.

[Anonymous]

That’s a lot to handle in one month. Are any of the birthday things with close friends? Can you ask for a pass from one of them so you can get a restful weekend in soon? It’s OK to say to your kids “this is going to be a quiet weekend, we just can’t make it to every invitation we get”.

Hugs. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately too, it’s not a contest, it’s ok to struggle sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I think you need more downtime. Cut back on the sports and birthday parties; instead have relaxed weekend mornings at home where everyone can eat a leisurely breakfast together. Plan one outing per day, mid-day, so you don’t have to rush out first thing like it were a work day. Have quiet evenings at home preparing family dinners, reading, etc. Put the kids to bed early (7pm) and get some kid-free time in the evening to tackle chores, watch TV, whatever, and you’ll still be able to go to bed at a reasonable hour yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've led a very comfortable healthy life to get flustered by a couple of ER visits with stitches. So I'd focus on that - you've been blessed for a long time. Now your healthy streak took a pause, that's all.

If you don't like how your weekends are set up, change them. Do less. Say no to people. This is all in your control.

Actually, 3 yrs ago I watched my mother suffer a massive stroke after years of her being sick and dealt with the aftermath of that until she died, in which I was in the room with her for. Blessed that I myself have been healthy, yes. But a comfortable life wouldn't exactly describe my life. These were not minor stitches incidents. Both were on face, blood everywhere, not at home, rush to the ER type incidents with many follow up appointments. I feel like I was in fight or flight mode a lot in a small amt of time and am having trouble bouncing back. Thank you though for your reply.

OP that must have been horrendous to suffer through. The loss of a mother is life changing. Have you ever considered individual therapy? It must have been a whirlwind coming with that and two young children at the same time, and now I wonder if you are feeling triggered by these medical incidents in light of what you suffered through.

[Anonymous]

Taking your child to the hospital, even for something relatively minor, is very stressful and upsetting. Nobody likes to see their child hurt or in pain and you endured it multiple times in a short period. I'm really sorry. I say, cancel all your plans this weekend and cut back the next 2 weekends and just spend time with your family. If you feel this overwhelmed, your family is feeling it too. Prioritize your family and forget everyone else!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you've led a very comfortable healthy life to get flustered by a couple of ER visits with stitches. So I'd focus on that - you've been blessed for a long time. Now your healthy streak took a pause, that's all.

If you don't like how your weekends are set up, change them. Do less. Say no to people. This is all in your control.

Actually, 3 yrs ago I watched my mother suffer a massive stroke after years of her being sick and dealt with the aftermath of that until she died, in which I was in the room with her for. Blessed that I myself have been healthy, yes. But a comfortable life wouldn't exactly describe my life. These were not minor stitches incidents. Both were on face, blood everywhere, not at home, rush to the ER type incidents with many follow up appointments. I feel like I was in fight or flight mode a lot in a small amt of time and am having trouble bouncing back. Thank you though for your reply.

Eh, faces bleed a lot. Perhaps I forget that not everyone gets very calm and laser focused like I do in medical emergencies. Sorry if you couldn't do that. BTW, Tide with cold water is phenomenal at getting out facial blood.

Facial blood? I mean, it’s all the same right?