Kids don’t want to play with neighbors grandson

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing you’ll be dealing with this multiple times a year if you don’t sort it out right now.

I’d go over and tell them firmly that if the kid annoys you again by knocking on the door to ask something irrelevant or entering your home uninvited or interrupting your kids game, you will instruct your kids to not talk to him or play with him at all.

Tell the grandparents that the boy clearly needs a lot more supervision than other kids his age because he doesn’t play in a typical way and that the grandparents can’t just send him out to play with the others anymore, they need to mind him themselves.

I can just see the grandparents reporting back to the parents that everything was great, he was out playing with neighborhood kids all day every day, kid had a ball, and the kid will be there again before you know it.

You sound awful!

Let me guess. You’re a “but it takes a village!” person.

There’s no reason why OP and her kids should need to babysit him. The grandparents signed up for it, they can’t just arrogantly wash their hands of him and make him the whole neighborhood’s problem.

I was mildly sympathetic until they laughed off OP’s concerns. Not okay.

Nope, but I do work with SN kids and have raised my children to be compassionate.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who kept intercepting their football and throwing it across the street.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who whines incessantly that he didn’t want to play what all of the other kids were playing.

I’m not the pp but you are wrong. YOUR kids would not want to play under such circumstances. Children taught compassion learn how to adapt to children who have a hard time fitting in. Sadly, very few kids are raised with compassion.

This a lot of emotional intelligence and selflessness to ask of neurotypical 9 year olds.

Sometimes I think SN moms can get in a bubble and hyper focus so much on helping their child, they forget that other children are still children. They’re not just props in your child’s life to facilitate his therapy. You need to have a tiny bit of compassion for them too.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't presume he has SN - he's a 9yo, out of his element, trying to fit into a group of kids who already know each other well. Nothing I read in your post stands out to me as hugely problematic - he needs some redirection and limits. And yes, while it should be the neighbor grandparents doing that, they probably come from a generation where the kids were all thrown outside and expected to manage themselves.

Try a little empathy OP and teach your kids some. As the parent of a 10yo, I promise you that's not unique or terribly hard. One of my son's good friends pouted and refused the play the game that they'd been playing last time we all got together.

[Anonymous]

You already hurt grandma’s feelings. The two weeks will pass. Try to be kinder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a child with special needs, which are speech and language based. He attends an inclusive SN pre-school with NT kids and kids who have much more profound needs. Guess what - everyone there adopts an attitude of kindness and taking care of each other. Couldn't you teach your children to try to be a bit more accommodating and kind? These are your neighbors and he is a neighborhood child. Try to take better care of each other. He should not be bothering YOU, and that is a boundary issue for the care giver, but I think it is awful to teach your kids to avoid or ignore him - truly awful. Have a conversation with them about inclusion and help them think of some ways they can all have fun.

Teaching children to be kind is important. However, don’t teach them to be inclusive at all costs. They are children and should be able to express and pursue their wants and needs as well.

This. I’m so sick of steamrolling NT kids under the guise of “inclusion.” My kids aren’t allowed to mean, but I don’t force them to play with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also have a child with special needs, which are speech and language based. He attends an inclusive SN pre-school with NT kids and kids who have much more profound needs. Guess what - everyone there adopts an attitude of kindness and taking care of each other. Couldn't you teach your children to try to be a bit more accommodating and kind? These are your neighbors and he is a neighborhood child. Try to take better care of each other. He should not be bothering YOU, and that is a boundary issue for the care giver, but I think it is awful to teach your kids to avoid or ignore him - truly awful. Have a conversation with them about inclusion and help them think of some ways they can all have fun.

Teaching children to be kind is important. However, don’t teach them to be inclusive at all costs. They are children and should be able to express and pursue their wants and needs as well.

This. I’m so sick of steamrolling NT kids under the guise of “inclusion.” My kids aren’t allowed to mean, but I don’t force them to play with anyone.

Oh FFS. The kid is visiting, nobody is asking them to be their BFF. If your NT kid can’t be compassionate and learn to accommodate other kids then you are doing a poor job of raising them.

[Anonymous]

When did compassionate mean change all of your plans and do what one particular child wants to do? Perhaps the OP could suggest that the kids play water football for 30 minutes and then change games but why should an entire group of kids change what they are doing because one child does not want to do it?

We don’t know if the Grandson is SN or just a kid with boundary issues. It could be that the Grandsoni s just an annoying kid. We had a kid on the block who would go and knock on doors to find someone to play with, even when the kids were 3 years younger then him. At least once he crashed his bike and cut up his knee pretty badly. A neighbor had to help him clean it up and get him home, his parents were no where around. The kid was 8 or 9.

What we do know is that when the OP said something to the Grandparents about walking into the OPs back yard without permission, the Grandparents laughed. The Grandparents are not supervising their child enough to know that there is an issue.

But the Grandkid is annoying enough that the kids are actively hiding from him. That is a problem and it is not something that the OP should be responsible for. They have tried playing with the Grandson but the kid is not playing nicely and is annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing you’ll be dealing with this multiple times a year if you don’t sort it out right now.

I’d go over and tell them firmly that if the kid annoys you again by knocking on the door to ask something irrelevant or entering your home uninvited or interrupting your kids game, you will instruct your kids to not talk to him or play with him at all.

Tell the grandparents that the boy clearly needs a lot more supervision than other kids his age because he doesn’t play in a typical way and that the grandparents can’t just send him out to play with the others anymore, they need to mind him themselves.

I can just see the grandparents reporting back to the parents that everything was great, he was out playing with neighborhood kids all day every day, kid had a ball, and the kid will be there again before you know it.

You sound awful!

Let me guess. You’re a “but it takes a village!” person.

There’s no reason why OP and her kids should need to babysit him. The grandparents signed up for it, they can’t just arrogantly wash their hands of him and make him the whole neighborhood’s problem.

I was mildly sympathetic until they laughed off OP’s concerns. Not okay.

Nope, but I do work with SN kids and have raised my children to be compassionate.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who kept intercepting their football and throwing it across the street.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who whines incessantly that he didn’t want to play what all of the other kids were playing.

I’m not the pp but you are wrong. YOUR kids would not want to play under such circumstances. Children taught compassion learn how to adapt to children who have a hard time fitting in. Sadly, very few kids are raised with compassion.

This a lot of emotional intelligence and selflessness to ask of neurotypical 9 year olds.

Sometimes I think SN moms can get in a bubble and hyper focus so much on helping their child, they forget that other children are still children. They’re not just props in your child’s life to facilitate his therapy. You need to have a tiny bit of compassion for them too.

+1. I’m a SN mom of a kid (now teen) with an invisible disability. When he was younger, he “passed” as just a really quirky kid (which is essentially what he is). It is too much to expect young kids to recognize an invisible disability. They are very very good at helping kids with an obvious disability. This situation is too much for the kids to navigate on their own. The grandparents should be taking their grandson on outings or arranging supervised activities. They can’t expect everyone else to do their job. Not every kid can go and join the group without incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing you’ll be dealing with this multiple times a year if you don’t sort it out right now.

I’d go over and tell them firmly that if the kid annoys you again by knocking on the door to ask something irrelevant or entering your home uninvited or interrupting your kids game, you will instruct your kids to not talk to him or play with him at all.

Tell the grandparents that the boy clearly needs a lot more supervision than other kids his age because he doesn’t play in a typical way and that the grandparents can’t just send him out to play with the others anymore, they need to mind him themselves.

I can just see the grandparents reporting back to the parents that everything was great, he was out playing with neighborhood kids all day every day, kid had a ball, and the kid will be there again before you know it.

You sound awful!

Let me guess. You’re a “but it takes a village!” person.

There’s no reason why OP and her kids should need to babysit him. The grandparents signed up for it, they can’t just arrogantly wash their hands of him and make him the whole neighborhood’s problem.

I was mildly sympathetic until they laughed off OP’s concerns. Not okay.

Nope, but I do work with SN kids and have raised my children to be compassionate.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who kept intercepting their football and throwing it across the street.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who whines incessantly that he didn’t want to play what all of the other kids were playing.

I’m not the pp but you are wrong. YOUR kids would not want to play under such circumstances. Children taught compassion learn how to adapt to children who have a hard time fitting in. Sadly, very few kids are raised with compassion.

This a lot of emotional intelligence and selflessness to ask of neurotypical 9 year olds.

Sometimes I think SN moms can get in a bubble and hyper focus so much on helping their child, they forget that other children are still children. They’re not just props in your child’s life to facilitate his therapy. You need to have a tiny bit of compassion for them too.

+1. I’m a SN mom of a kid (now teen) with an invisible disability. When he was younger, he “passed” as just a really quirky kid (which is essentially what he is). It is too much to expect young kids to recognize an invisible disability. They are very very good at helping kids with an obvious disability. This situation is too much for the kids to navigate on their own. The grandparents should be taking their grandson on outings or arranging supervised activities. They can’t expect everyone else to do their job. Not every kid can go and join the group without incident.

Well I taught my kids to stick up for the underdog. They always sat with the new kid at school, stuck up for kids who were bullied, and were kind and inclusive to children with special needs. It was a bit of practice work to teach them that, but it was so, so important and they have become wonderful young adults. The youngest is 14. He’s popular, athletic, and kind, and he would never treat a new neighbor or a neighborhood child in the way that is being described or proposed (avoiding, ignoring, calling him annoying). Even when he was nine he would not act like that. Seriously? Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing you’ll be dealing with this multiple times a year if you don’t sort it out right now.

I’d go over and tell them firmly that if the kid annoys you again by knocking on the door to ask something irrelevant or entering your home uninvited or interrupting your kids game, you will instruct your kids to not talk to him or play with him at all.

Tell the grandparents that the boy clearly needs a lot more supervision than other kids his age because he doesn’t play in a typical way and that the grandparents can’t just send him out to play with the others anymore, they need to mind him themselves.

I can just see the grandparents reporting back to the parents that everything was great, he was out playing with neighborhood kids all day every day, kid had a ball, and the kid will be there again before you know it.

You sound awful!

Let me guess. You’re a “but it takes a village!” person.

There’s no reason why OP and her kids should need to babysit him. The grandparents signed up for it, they can’t just arrogantly wash their hands of him and make him the whole neighborhood’s problem.

I was mildly sympathetic until they laughed off OP’s concerns. Not okay.

Nope, but I do work with SN kids and have raised my children to be compassionate.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who kept intercepting their football and throwing it across the street.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who whines incessantly that he didn’t want to play what all of the other kids were playing.

I’m not the pp but you are wrong. YOUR kids would not want to play under such circumstances. Children taught compassion learn how to adapt to children who have a hard time fitting in. Sadly, very few kids are raised with compassion.

This a lot of emotional intelligence and selflessness to ask of neurotypical 9 year olds.

Sometimes I think SN moms can get in a bubble and hyper focus so much on helping their child, they forget that other children are still children. They’re not just props in your child’s life to facilitate his therapy. You need to have a tiny bit of compassion for them too.

+1. I’m a SN mom of a kid (now teen) with an invisible disability. When he was younger, he “passed” as just a really quirky kid (which is essentially what he is). It is too much to expect young kids to recognize an invisible disability. They are very very good at helping kids with an obvious disability. This situation is too much for the kids to navigate on their own. The grandparents should be taking their grandson on outings or arranging supervised activities. They can’t expect everyone else to do their job. Not every kid can go and join the group without incident.

Well I taught my kids to stick up for the underdog. They always sat with the new kid at school, stuck up for kids who were bullied, and were kind and inclusive to children with special needs. It was a bit of practice work to teach them that, but it was so, so important and they have become wonderful young adults. The youngest is 14. He’s popular, athletic, and kind, and he would never treat a new neighbor or a neighborhood child in the way that is being described or proposed (avoiding, ignoring, calling him annoying). Even when he was nine he would not act like that. Seriously? Do better.

This. What is wrong with some of you?

[Anonymous]

Nothing is wrong with us. My son has kids in the neighborhood he doesn't want to play with. He tells me that they are mean. DS's friends agree that said kid is mean. Should I make my kid play with someone they don't want to play with and just find a way to deal with the mean kid? There is a kid at the play ground that I see hitting kids and his parents. Should I insist that my kid play with that boy because my kid should be compassionate?

The OP's kids tried playing with the Grandson. It sounds like they tried on a variety of occasions. It didn't go well. The kids don't want to play with the Grandkid because he is disruptive, yells, insists on only playing what he wants to play, and seems to struggle with boundaries. Why should the kids have to play with the Grandkid? They tried and it didn't work.

So in your Utopia, the OPs kids should play games that they don't want to play to make the visiting kid happy. Never mind that the OP's kids don't want to play those games and don't like how the other kid behaves. Suck it up and entertain the one kid because that is being compassionate. Sacrifice what they want to do and play for two weeks so that one other kid is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing is wrong with us. My son has kids in the neighborhood he doesn't want to play with. He tells me that they are mean. DS's friends agree that said kid is mean. Should I make my kid play with someone they don't want to play with and just find a way to deal with the mean kid? There is a kid at the play ground that I see hitting kids and his parents. Should I insist that my kid play with that boy because my kid should be compassionate?

The OP's kids tried playing with the Grandson. It sounds like they tried on a variety of occasions. It didn't go well. The kids don't want to play with the Grandkid because he is disruptive, yells, insists on only playing what he wants to play, and seems to struggle with boundaries. Why should the kids have to play with the Grandkid? They tried and it didn't work.

So in your Utopia, the OPs kids should play games that they don't want to play to make the visiting kid happy. Never mind that the OP's kids don't want to play those games and don't like how the other kid behaves. Suck it up and entertain the one kid because that is being compassionate. Sacrifice what they want to do and play for two weeks so that one other kid is ok.

You teach your kids to play with the child that is left out. You challenge your child by asking “who did you help today at school?” “Who did you try to include today?”

[Anonymous]

You teach your kids to play with the child that is left out. You challenge your child by asking “who did you help today at school?” “Who did you try to include today?”

[Anonymous]

Those who insist on forcing play, should have to invite their least liked co-worker to their home for regular visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those who insist on forcing play, should have to invite their least liked co-worker to their home for regular visits.

All day, everyday.

If you don’t do this, then you’re very hypocritical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing you’ll be dealing with this multiple times a year if you don’t sort it out right now.

I’d go over and tell them firmly that if the kid annoys you again by knocking on the door to ask something irrelevant or entering your home uninvited or interrupting your kids game, you will instruct your kids to not talk to him or play with him at all.

Tell the grandparents that the boy clearly needs a lot more supervision than other kids his age because he doesn’t play in a typical way and that the grandparents can’t just send him out to play with the others anymore, they need to mind him themselves.

I can just see the grandparents reporting back to the parents that everything was great, he was out playing with neighborhood kids all day every day, kid had a ball, and the kid will be there again before you know it.

You sound awful!

Let me guess. You’re a “but it takes a village!” person.

There’s no reason why OP and her kids should need to babysit him. The grandparents signed up for it, they can’t just arrogantly wash their hands of him and make him the whole neighborhood’s problem.

I was mildly sympathetic until they laughed off OP’s concerns. Not okay.

Nope, but I do work with SN kids and have raised my children to be compassionate.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who kept intercepting their football and throwing it across the street.

Your kids would not want to play with a boy who whines incessantly that he didn’t want to play what all of the other kids were playing[/b].

I’m not the pp but you are wrong. YOUR kids would not want to play under such circumstances. Children taught compassion learn how to adapt to children who have a hard time fitting in. Sadly, very few kids are raised with compassion.

This a lot of emotional intelligence and selflessness to ask of neurotypical 9 year olds.

Sometimes I think SN moms can get in a bubble and hyper focus so much on helping their child, they forget that other children are still children. They’re not just props in your child’s life to facilitate his therapy. You need to have a tiny bit of compassion for them too.

+1