Kids don’t want to play with neighbors grandson
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Anonymous
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Our neighbors are watching their grandson9 for a couple weeks. We love our neighbors, but I think they bit off a bit more than they can chew. The boy is a lot. Our kids aren’t interested in playing with him. Every day, he comes over pounding on our door to play. One day, he even just barged right through our garage and into our back door. I believe, though I am not entirely sure, that he may be SN. He doesn’t interact properly with any of the kids on the block, and doesn’t take social cues. For example, the kids were playing a water football game, and this boy didn’t want to play. He essentially poured and tried to intercept and throw the ball across the street so the game couldn’t continue, shouting “I hate football. I don’t want to play. Can we play something else.” The kids were annoyed after that and don’t want to include him anymore. He also just wanders around, knocking on our door wall when everyone is outside to ask me if I will make everyone play what he wants to play.
The wandering in to our house was the last straw, and I talked to grandma. She brushed it off and just thought it was funny. She jokingly told him he can’t do that, and he said he just wanted to play with our kids, and grandma just laughed. I got nowhere. Now the kids want to lock themselves inside every day because they don’t want to deal with this kid. I feel awful. They really tried to include him, but it didn’t work out at all. What do you all suggest we do, without hurting the neighbors feelings? |
Anonymous
| You can’t control what he does. Your kids can play outside and ignore him if they feel he’s not easy to deal with. If the kid annoys *you* or barges into your house, speak to him very sternly and send him home. |
Anonymous
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My child has special needs and I feel for this boy and his grandparents, who were probably brought up in the "mental illness is taboo" culture and will never want to talk to you about his issues. They may also be in denial themselves. Tell him firmly that he is not allowed to walk into your garage or your house unless he is invited to come in. Be specific, in case he needs specifics. Always be kind. You can be firm, you can be direct, you can avoid him, but please be proactive and tell your children to always be polite, never mean and report to you any instance of other kids being mean. I've seen so many children tease or bully SN kids because they didn't know how to handle differences. Kids need to be explicitly told these things. My neighbor's son bullied mine all throughout 3rd grade until I put a stop to it. If he starts behavior like stopping a group game outside, one of the kids needs to tell his grandparents, and they need to come out and redirect him. |
Anonymous
| How old is he? |
Anonymous
| If it is only a couple of weeks, just wait it out and he will go back to his parents. Oh, and start locking your doors. |
Anonymous
He is 9 |
Anonymous
| Lock your doors. |
Anonymous
| Thanks. I don’t lock my doors when my kids are out playing. |
Anonymous
| I also have a child with special needs, which are speech and language based. He attends an inclusive SN pre-school with NT kids and kids who have much more profound needs. Guess what - everyone there adopts an attitude of kindness and taking care of each other. Couldn't you teach your children to try to be a bit more accommodating and kind? These are your neighbors and he is a neighborhood child. Try to take better care of each other. He should not be bothering YOU, and that is a boundary issue for the care giver, but I think it is awful to teach your kids to avoid or ignore him - truly awful. Have a conversation with them about inclusion and help them think of some ways they can all have fun. |
Anonymous
| The problem is he requires a much higher level of supervision than other 9 year olds and his grandparents don’t see. To get that. |
Anonymous
Teaching children to be kind is important. However, don’t teach them to be inclusive at all costs. They are children and should be able to express and pursue their wants and needs as well. |
Anonymous
He is his neighbors grandson. He does not live in the neighborhood. Maybe provide some guidance on how the parent or kids can deal with the child trying to ruin the other kids game because he doesn't want to play that game. How can they help him participate without changing what they are playing that the other kids enjoy? It sounds like the OP tried to talk to Grandma and Grandma laughed off the Grandsons entering someone else property without permission. What do you think Grandma would do if the OP asked Grandma to help them with strategies to include the Grandson when he is attempting to dictate what other kids are doing? It sounds like the kids have tried to include the boy but they don't care for how he plays and his behavior. Grandma doesn't seem to take the child's behavior is problematic and laughed off the OP's concern. Instead of chiding the OP, try providing some strategies that your kids have been taught at their school that might be helpful. |
Anonymous
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I’m guessing you’ll be dealing with this multiple times a year if you don’t sort it out right now.
I’d go over and tell them firmly that if the kid annoys you again by knocking on the door to ask something irrelevant or entering your home uninvited or interrupting your kids game, you will instruct your kids to not talk to him or play with him at all. Tell the grandparents that the boy clearly needs a lot more supervision than other kids his age because he doesn’t play in a typical way and that the grandparents can’t just send him out to play with the others anymore, they need to mind him themselves. I can just see the grandparents reporting back to the parents that everything was great, he was out playing with neighborhood kids all day every day, kid had a ball, and the kid will be there again before you know it. |
Anonymous
Agree, however.....at 9 NT children comply with social norms. SN children sometimes still have not learned those norms. It is not the responsibility of the other children to play with someone that is constantly interrupting their play, making fun of the games they are playing, or derailing their games. This is when an adult needs to step in. It sounds like the grandparents want to treat their grandchild as an NT child and maybe he is, but his behavior is more in line with a child that still needs parental guidance. If the grandparents are not going to provide that guidance and oversight, then the kids should not have to be subjected to this childs behavior. If however, the grandparents are actively engaged in monitoring their grandsons behavior and actively addressing issues such as him trying to change the game, then yes, the children should be open to including him in their play. In that case, the kids know that they just can play and grandma/pa will take care of making sure little Johnny is playing nicely. OP--I would bluntly tell the grandparents that their child is welcome to play with yours as long as they are providing active supervision. I would also reiterate to them that your house has a front door and the boundaries of the front door are to be respected. ---mom of 9yr old with ASD/ADHD/Anxiety |
Anonymous
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Since he's here for a limited time, invite him to your house for one structured event you know he'll like (tell your kids you want them to do this as a favor) for a certain time period. Have snacks and then play video games or watch a movie or play a certain game. When it's done, say, all right, guys, movie time is over. Larlo, I'll walk you to your grandma's/time to go to your grandma's house. Also, like PP noted, be specific with the child when he oversteps and tell your kids what to say when he interrupts their games, etc. Remind your kids he'll only be here until x day. Also, everyone struggles with something; everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
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