Neighborhood 7th grade girls house- popular and un supervised- ok for outside fun?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I didn’t allow it at all at first when I found out no parent ever there. But only 1 other mom out of 7 neighborhood boys have issue with this- so rest of kids always there- of course- who wouldn’t want to hang at huge house with lots of toys, teen girls and no parents. Then the other mom allowed her son son outside only and I agreed that’s ok. Then the pool damage happened- kids threw patio furniture in deep end damaging pool. My son didn’t do that - it was one kid/ but the homeowner texted all the neighbors boys parents with the warning of please invite only and respect his property.
So bigger issue is, why am I about the only parent not concerned with boys/ girls unsupervised. Am I way too strict? Most of the neighborhood boys are good overall- couple get bit rowdy- but most are equally unsupervised with parents having busy social lives.
I want to follow my gut - but also be open to someone saying I am way to strict if I’m being too protective- strict??? I trust my son, but still feel like boys don’t need to go over there.
And yes, it would help if the dad would text it is ok- since he asked for kids to only come with invite.

I grew up going to parties like this and weed and alcohol come out. Bedrooms ventured into. Slut shaming the next day. Add phones. Add lawyers. You are not overreacting. You are parenting young teens. Age 17-18, sure no problem. 13-15. Crazy. Protect your kid.

+1

Neighborhood kid with uber crazy parents now suing neighborhood parents for alcohol poisoning. No one is surprised, sadly.

OP, some Googling of news sources will show you that bad things happen with the type of situation you describe. Not "might happen" but will happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the child asking this question or the adult?

Outside fun? You really think a child will never go inside if everyone else does? What if they need to use the bathroom?

It is nuts to think a child will stay outside or go home from a fun party if everyone else moves indoors.

I mean, it's nuts to think the kids can't get into trouble if they stay outside in a back yard that is probably totally private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, no, my 15YO boy would not be there.

Second, obviously the girls got caught and blamed the boys, saying they all just showed up uninvited and what could we do? So they threw the boys under the bus once and are ready to do it again if trouble happens -- don't let it be your kid next time.

Wow. Way to blame girls for boys getting in trouble. So, your son(s) are angels until a girl is around. Got it.

You have zero knowledge of what exactly happened but you're making up a story to fit a bigger view that girls are trouble and boys are so easily led astray, poor dears. Great lesson to teach boys.

First, I said nothing of the sort, and never would. Second, I'm talking about these particular girls, not all girls/all boys. There is context here; it is not a generalization. Sheesh.

Read the OP. This house has been the go-to place for unsupervised parties for a long time. There is one in our neighborhood too (boys live there, so I get that there are equal opportunity offenders). These specific girls got caught this time (after years of parties). What does any kid, girl or boy, do then? They claim innocence to mom and dad and give the stand by, "We just invited a few girls over, and word go out, and next thing we knew, beyond our control ..." Yes, that situation has happened to innocent kids before (boys and girls). In those cases the uninvited boys and girls are the problem. But that is not to the situation with these kids whose house has been the go-to unsupervised party place for years, as OP describes. That is the context of this thread. Clearly, from the Dad's text to everyone in this specific situation, these specific girls said it was "the boys fault." That's how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, no, my 15YO boy would not be there.

Second, obviously the girls got caught and blamed the boys, saying they all just showed up uninvited and what could we do? So they threw the boys under the bus once and are ready to do it again if trouble happens -- don't let it be your kid next time.

Wow. Way to blame girls for boys getting in trouble. So, your son(s) are angels until a girl is around. Got it.

You have zero knowledge of what exactly happened but you're making up a story to fit a bigger view that girls are trouble and boys are so easily led astray, poor dears. Great lesson to teach boys.

NP here, I think the person overreaching here is you. This isn't a gender issue. This is a home resident vs guest issue. Get a grip.

Oh, I agree, the OP's situation is about "guests" who aren't guests at all and whom the homeowner has said are not welcome.

But I wasn't addressing that; I was addressing the one PP above who is the one who made this about gender--not me. Sorry you missed that. The PP says, based on nothing at all that the OP posted, that "obviously" girls were the instigators who "threw the boys under the bus" -- poor, beleaguered boys, made victims by evil girls. If that PP leaps straight to that assumption, well, I'd bet that PP has sons and thinks they can do no wrong.

So, I'm not overreaching on OP's initial post because I'm not addressing it. I'm addressing that one PP's nasty little assumption. Of course the girls could have heaved patio furniture into the pool and damaged it. So could the boys. But the PP immediately blaming the girls based on nothing but the fact they ARE girls is pathetic and misogynistic.

Holy crap, you are reading way, way too much into that and totally out of context. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Uh no. That’s a no brainer.

And OP— your kid will do a much better job following their values in peer pressure situations if they see you following yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good lord no. All it takes is one kid to do something really stupid and next thing you know your kid is guilty by association, even if he wasn’t involved. I’m not a helicopter parent, and even I think this is a bad idea.

+1. What if someone starts a fire on accident, for example, or something else that causes enormous damage? Your child was there when it happened. Nope. I would not allow it. I have a teen who I extend a lot of leash to hang out with friends, but this would not be okay.

[Anonymous]

I had friends, “Irish twin” sisters,,who were the unsupervised hangout house in HS. Some really bad stuff went down. Interestingly, I found them on FB five years ago and they are both NA-attending born again Christian SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

The homeowner explicitly told OP to keep her kid off his property. And she’s thinking about ignoring that. I can only imagine what a bunch of brats the kids are, being raised by people like OP.

If I was him and something was damaged or stolen, you can bet that I’d be demanding that the parent of every single kid there contribute to fixing the damage. Are you prepared to do that, OP?

[Anonymous]

It was a bad idea already but now the dad has explicitly told you the boys are unwelcome. This is a hell, no situation. Be the parent!

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a mom like OP - and at the time I thought she was ridiculous and ruining my life. But I turned out ok and appreciate her rules now.

This situation sounds like a recipe for disaster - rape, pregnancy, drowning, drugs and alcohol, property damage, false accusations. Hard No.

[Anonymous]

My first question is why is your 15 year old son and sophomore friends partying and ahnging out with a bunch of newly teen middle school girls?

Add in the unsupervised by a partying teenager and liberally permissive parents, nothing good can come of this.

If/when he sleeps with one of the lttle girls, is the age range enough for statuatory rape charges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nothing personal OP, but are you high? I've got a 15yo boy and there's no way in hell he'd be anywhere that house with my permission. It's an (another) accident waiting to happen. Do you want your son bearing the responsibility of that accident, whatever it might be?

I have a 15 year old boy and a bunch of 13 year old neighbors.

The 15 year old high schoolers have zero interest in hanging out with the middle school kids. Zero. They have nothing in common.

My guess is that house has easy access to alcohol and that the 13 year old girls are very open to whatever experimentation that high school boys might propose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, no, my 15YO boy would not be there.

Second, obviously the girls got caught and blamed the boys, saying they all just showed up uninvited and what could we do? So they threw the boys under the bus once and are ready to do it again if trouble happens -- don't let it be your kid next time.

Wow. Way to blame girls for boys getting in trouble. So, your son(s) are angels until a girl is around. Got it.

You have zero knowledge of what exactly happened but you're making up a story to fit a bigger view that girls are trouble and boys are so easily led astray, poor dears. Great lesson to teach boys.

NP here, I think the person overreaching here is you. This isn't a gender issue. This is a home resident vs guest issue. Get a grip.

Oh, I agree, the OP's situation is about "guests" who aren't guests at all and whom the homeowner has said are not welcome.

But I wasn't addressing that; I was addressing the one PP above who is the one who made this about gender--not me. Sorry you missed that. The PP says, based on nothing at all that the OP posted, that "obviously" girls were the instigators who "threw the boys under the bus" -- poor, beleaguered boys, made victims by evil girls. If that PP leaps straight to that assumption, well, I'd bet that PP has sons and thinks they can do no wrong.

So, I'm not overreaching on OP's initial post because I'm not addressing it. I'm addressing that one PP's nasty little assumption. Of course the girls could have heaved patio furniture into the pool and damaged it. So could the boys. But the PP immediately blaming the girls based on nothing but the fact they ARE girls is pathetic and misogynistic.

Holy crap, you are reading way, way too much into that and totally out of context. Get a grip.

+1

That PP seriously needs to get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Is it really a surprise that the kids are having parties there? Parents are too busy and too cheap to hire a nanny. I'm surprised they don't have cameras at least on the outside. They need to deal with their kids and if its damaged its on their kids. No, I would not let my middle school kid go to a house with a pool, alcohol and no supervision. That is asking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My first question is why is your 15 year old son and sophomore friends partying and ahnging out with a bunch of newly teen middle school girls?

Add in the unsupervised by a partying teenager and liberally permissive parents, nothing good can come of this.

If/when he sleeps with one of the lttle girls, is the age range enough for statuatory rape charges.

OP needs to have a hard conversation about consent and rape and that if the girl claims rape, he can easily go to jail for the rest of his life and be put on the sex offender list. It will ruin his life. They will probably believe the girl over the boy.