Neighborhood 7th grade girls house- popular and un supervised- ok for outside fun?

[Anonymous]

One of the houses in our neighborhood is popular place for all the boys in the hood, including my almost 15 year old. Mom and dad never home- busy with their own social life and often flying out of town leaving their 13 year old girls at home. Supposedly a teenage sister is there but friends of ours have stated she was equally unsupervised and is party-er.
We have told our son no more hanging out there without a parent. Outside ok but not inside.
But apparently we are only parents in hood with these rules.
Got text from the unsupervised house that pool was damaged last weekend and the dad stated he didn’t know who did it but boys are welcome only when invited.
Now again parents out of town and my son and his friends all want to go over. They insist the girls are inviting.
What would you do? Do you let your teen boys hang out at unsupervised girls house? Would you allow outside only or not at all?

[Anonymous]

I would allow my son to do it but we are pretty open and he is low key. However, the father stated only when invited can they come over. That doesn’t mean he invite us coming from 13 year old girls... don’t be stupid OP, he meant him,

[Anonymous]

First, invitation-only means you check with home-owner, not minor children.

Second, such young teens unsupervised is truly a recipe for disaster. Your son could easily be accused of something. You need to have a talk with him before he is invited over, if you allow it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the houses in our neighborhood is popular place for all the boys in the hood, including my almost 15 year old. Mom and dad never home- busy with their own social life and often flying out of town leaving their 13 year old girls at home. Supposedly a teenage sister is there but friends of ours have stated she was equally unsupervised and is party-er.
We have told our son no more hanging out there without a parent. Outside ok but not inside.
But apparently we are only parents in hood with these rules.
Got text from the unsupervised house that pool was damaged last weekend and the dad stated he didn’t know who did it but boys are welcome only when invited.
Now again parents out of town and my son and his friends all want to go over. They insist the girls are inviting.
What would you do? Do you let your teen boys hang out at unsupervised girls house? Would you allow outside only or not at all?

Please tell me you are not considering this. Not OK. For your son. Or those much younger girls. Wake up!

[Anonymous]

My ds is the same age and NFW would I let him go over there. If all the other parents jumped off a cliff, would you jump off too, OP?

[Anonymous]

OP here- I didn’t allow it at all at first when I found out no parent ever there. But only 1 other mom out of 7 neighborhood boys have issue with this- so rest of kids always there- of course- who wouldn’t want to hang at huge house with lots of toys, teen girls and no parents. Then the other mom allowed her son son outside only and I agreed that’s ok. Then the pool damage happened- kids threw patio furniture in deep end damaging pool. My son didn’t do that - it was one kid/ but the homeowner texted all the neighbors boys parents with the warning of please invite only and respect his property.
So bigger issue is, why am I about the only parent not concerned with boys/ girls unsupervised. Am I way too strict? Most of the neighborhood boys are good overall- couple get bit rowdy- but most are equally unsupervised with parents having busy social lives.
I want to follow my gut - but also be open to someone saying I am way to strict if I’m being too protective- strict??? I trust my son, but still feel like boys don’t need to go over there.
And yes, it would help if the dad would text it is ok- since he asked for kids to only come with invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I didn’t allow it at all at first when I found out no parent ever there. But only 1 other mom out of 7 neighborhood boys have issue with this- so rest of kids always there- of course- who wouldn’t want to hang at huge house with lots of toys, teen girls and no parents. Then the other mom allowed her son son outside only and I agreed that’s ok. Then the pool damage happened- kids threw patio furniture in deep end damaging pool. My son didn’t do that - it was one kid/ but the homeowner texted all the neighbors boys parents with the warning of please invite only and respect his property.
So bigger issue is, why am I about the only parent not concerned with boys/ girls unsupervised. Am I way too strict? Most of the neighborhood boys are good overall- couple get bit rowdy- but most are equally unsupervised with parents having busy social lives.
I want to follow my gut - but also be open to someone saying I am way to strict if I’m being too protective- strict??? I trust my son, but still feel like boys don’t need to go over there.
And yes, it would help if the dad would text it is ok- since he asked for kids to only come with invite.

If you are fine with your son going there, you need to contact the father asking for a yes/no, since his daughter invited your son. Stress that a no is fine.

[Anonymous]

Good lord no. All it takes is one kid to do something really stupid and next thing you know your kid is guilty by association, even if he wasn’t involved. I’m not a helicopter parent, and even I think this is a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Nothing personal OP, but are you high? I've got a 15yo boy and there's no way in hell he'd be anywhere that house with my permission. It's an (another) accident waiting to happen. Do you want your son bearing the responsibility of that accident, whatever it might be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I didn’t allow it at all at first when I found out no parent ever there. But only 1 other mom out of 7 neighborhood boys have issue with this- so rest of kids always there- of course- who wouldn’t want to hang at huge house with lots of toys, teen girls and no parents. Then the other mom allowed her son son outside only and I agreed that’s ok. Then the pool damage happened- kids threw patio furniture in deep end damaging pool. My son didn’t do that - it was one kid/ but the homeowner texted all the neighbors boys parents with the warning of please invite only and respect his property.
So bigger issue is, why am I about the only parent not concerned with boys/ girls unsupervised. Am I way too strict? Most of the neighborhood boys are good overall- couple get bit rowdy- but most are equally unsupervised with parents having busy social lives.
I want to follow my gut - but also be open to someone saying I am way to strict if I’m being too protective- strict??? I trust my son, but still feel like boys don’t need to go over there.
And yes, it would help if the dad would text it is ok- since he asked for kids to only come with invite.

I grew up going to parties like this and weed and alcohol come out. Bedrooms ventured into. Slut shaming the next day. Add phones. Add lawyers. You are not overreacting. You are parenting young teens. Age 17-18, sure no problem. 13-15. Crazy. Protect your kid.

[Anonymous]

Brett Kavanaugh is in your future.
Don't do this to your kid.

[Anonymous]

There's a pool?

[Anonymous]

Ordinarily I'm really, really good at figuring out when the OP is actually a minor posing as a parent -- i.e., the DD or DS posing as the parent of said daughter/son and asking the question. This time, though, I think either the DS got me and he's adopted his mom's/dad's voice perfectly OR we've got a mom at whom we really are all shaking our collective head and who is really maybe well-intentioned (or something) but REALLY hasn't got a clue.

OP (whoever you are): just no. Or stop it. Or whatever it takes to help you understand that you have explicitly been told NO by the homeowner and that if you allow your son to go over to the home you are directly enabling trespassing not to mention encouraging a minor to go against parental wishes and to flaunt a teenage girl's parent's directives.

As the parent of a teenage girl, I'd consider this an open invitation for a whole raft of options ... not a single one of which is attractive -- and since you're identified as a parent who explicitly would have given permission for her child to attend this event (because your child has had the good sense to discuss this with you, per your post), I would hold you directly accountable.

You have only one responsible choice to model here. Please do what you would want someone to do were they in your (parental) shoes and just.say.no.

PS If indeed you are a teenager figuring out whether to attend a party or throw one when parents are out of town, again, please don't: it's not worth the horror show that can happen if someone gets hurt or accused, and these days increasingly someone will. Reputations and lives fall apart in seconds and can't get rebuilt no matter how many promises are made, truly.

[Anonymous]

In OP’s defense, apparently this is an everyone else is doing it situation. Those can be hard to navigate.

OP, I’m wondering if everyone else knows their kids are doing it. It may be that you’re more attentive, or that your kids are more honest with you - kudos in either case! I’d put my foot down on this. Let DS invite some friends over to hour house instead, maybe. Get them a pizza. I doubt they’re being fed st the unsupervised house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ordinarily I'm really, really good at figuring out when the OP is actually a minor posing as a parent -- i.e., the DD or DS posing as the parent of said daughter/son and asking the question. This time, though, I think either the DS got me and he's adopted his mom's/dad's voice perfectly OR we've got a mom at whom we really are all shaking our collective head and who is really maybe well-intentioned (or something) but REALLY hasn't got a clue.

OP (whoever you are): just no. Or stop it. Or whatever it takes to help you understand that you have explicitly been told NO by the homeowner and that if you allow your son to go over to the home you are directly enabling trespassing not to mention encouraging a minor to go against parental wishes and to flaunt a teenage girl's parent's directives.

As the parent of a teenage girl, I'd consider this an open invitation for a whole raft of options ... not a single one of which is attractive -- and since you're identified as a parent who explicitly would have given permission for her child to attend this event (because your child has had the good sense to discuss this with you, per your post), I would hold you directly accountable.

You have only one responsible choice to model here. Please do what you would want someone to do were they in your (parental) shoes and just.say.no.

PS If indeed you are a teenager figuring out whether to attend a party or throw one when parents are out of town, again, please don't: it's not worth the horror show that can happen if someone gets hurt or accused, and these days increasingly someone will. Reputations and lives fall apart in seconds and can't get rebuilt no matter how many promises are made, truly.

NP +1

OP is totally clueless. Literally encouraging her kid to trespass. Unbelievable.