Neighborhood 7th grade girls house- popular and un supervised- ok for outside fun?
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Anonymous
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There is a family in our neighborhood similar to this situation. The parents, while very nice, have just become super checked out and seem to never be home with their 4 kids (range in age from high school to lower school). We've known them over 10 years now and have watched this progressively get worse. They no longer have a nanny so all those kids come home to an empty house (including the elementary age kids) and the partying there seems to go on week days after school. Vaping, smoking drinking, some violent behavior, and probably sexual activity (definitely lots of making out). I know because we've witnessed it or my children saw it and told me.
One of my kids is friends with their youngest, and had been doing playdates there, until I found out there was NO adult home (happened twice). My kid told me there were fights among siblings and friends, drinking beer, and smoking. I actually told the parents what my kid told me but they blew it off and kind of shot the messenger. WE've also seen these kids drinking and making out with others at the park. It's all and all a very bad situation. Without adult supervision on a consistent basis, teens are going to take unnecessary risks, give into peer pressures, make regrettable and bad decisions, that could have dire consequences. OP's son is 15 and just has a few more years until college. He can wait until then to party hard with no "adults" around. And btw I wouldn't want my 13 year old girl or boy hanging out with 15 year olds or vice versa. Why isn't OP's son consistently hanging out with girls his own age? |
Anonymous
OPs kid is a high school sophomore (15) These girls are 7th graders (just out of elementary school if it is fcps). |
Anonymous
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I have a friend who was these girls. Youngest of three and oops several years later baby. Parents checked out in late ES, mom started going when dad travelled or just traveling a lot without the kids, and left the Hs sibs in charge. My friend had early and often experimentation with alcohol, drugs, sex, was sexually assaulted, had an abortion. You name it. One sib turned out well career wise, but messy personal life with divorce, serial affairs by the sin, etc. One did not turn out well by anyone’s definition.
My friend is a pretty high powered professional and the most amazing person ever. Very nice, kind, hardworking. But she’s married to and has had 4 kids under the age of 12 with an opiate addict HS dropout (she has an advanced degree) who is physically, sexually and verbally abusive. And her personal life is as big a disaster as you might expect. She has a lot of resentment towards her parents. Understandably. This is where this ends up in 20 years for these kids, OP. Steer your kid clear. |
Anonymous
That kind of makes it worse because kids with big age gaps getting into sexual situations is bad news in terms of potential legal issues, getting into bad non-consensual situations, emotional maturity gaps. The pool also seems like a recipe for disaster, thankfully it was only the furniture that got hurt. I was a kid who partied a lot with older kids, and I was fortunate to have a self-protective streak that saved me from my more destructive impulses, but it is not a scene I would knowingly allow my own kid to be part of. I would chat some of the other parents up and try to find out what they think is going on at the house and if/why they are saying yes. |
Anonymous
+1 Wtf is wrong with parents these days?!?!!! I have two teen boys and no f@cking way. The dad texting the parents wasn’t enough of a warning? He’s already pissed and his unsupervised daughters are defying him most likely by inviting the boys over. |
Anonymous
Exactly. A kid could die of alcohol poisoning!!!! Or get gang raped!!!!! |
Anonymous
Even with consent he’s heading for a rape charge. Never allow your son to be in that situation. Stupid. |
Anonymous
+100 It wasn’t us daddy. |
Anonymous
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no its not ok. I guarantee you the other parents who seem to be fine with it aren't aware there is not adult in the house. Its a recipe for disaster
My DD (13) has friends whose parents are never home (age range from MS to HS) and its like lord of the flies at their house. Neighbors complain and I banned her from going over there unless it could be proved that a parent was around. I made that mistake once b/c even with a parent around it was still like lord of the flies after my DD reported what the day's activities were. Sorry...I'm the mean mom (and dad agrees)..these kids are a mess and asking for trouble..I want my kid to have no part of it. She's mad but she will get over it when she's older and sees what trouble they cause and get into (unless the parents engage and change their tune) They are constantly looking for trouble and pushing boundaries |
Anonymous
What’s NA? |
Anonymous
So you think it’s more likely a 13 year old girl threw heavy patio furniture into the pool than a teenage boy? Because I have a bridge to sell you. |
Anonymous
No one's saying one or more boys aren't to blame. But I've personally witnessed girls egging on boys and then the boys get the blame. In general, it's the oldest of the group, and if mixed company, it's the male, who gets the most blame in any situation. This may be sexist, but it's what happens. Also, getting the blame doesn't mean the punishment will necessarily follow, as we know in sexual assault situations. But blame? Certainly. |
Anonymous
Narcotics Anonymous I’m on team “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Are you kidding me? NFW” |
Anonymous
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No OP, 15 is too young. Have them over to your house.
My son turned 16 in April. Between 14-15 he distanced himself from groups that were experimenting. This summer it was all about beach bonfires with 50++ kids. He has been honest with me about things that went down. We live in a small beach town, beach is walkable. He also said no jungle juice allowed and the kids who are posting about bonfires state "upper classmen only". My kid is not allowed to post about bonfires on social media. He does not vape, told me he has a half beer once in a while. I believe him because DH and I are always home. He sees us when he comes home. He's not allowed to go to "open house parties" as they're called. As a matter of fact, last bonfire he sent a text to go to a house party and I said no. Turns out many kids were called to police station post party due to a broken window etc. Another bonfire on Saturday and another call asking if a small group of friends could hang out at our house. Of course because I'm here. Kids hung out in cottage with bathroom, kitchen, open studio. They had their own space, pool and plenty of snacks. Kids kept floating in. My home is open and I can hear everything, everywhere. There were more girls floating in than boys. No one made it to the cottage without me introducing myself, asking who they were and if their parents knew they were here and how they were getting home. I also popped in to cottage and introduced myself, gave a friendly run down and asked about one car in driveway. Told the owner that they could not leave without letting me know and if they needed a ride, they were welcome to leave car. Every uber that came, I made pull into driveway, and I asked details. Girls that drove were stone cold sober, told me they did not drink and they don't vape and thanked me for caring. At midnight, a mom picked up two boys who were almost 16. They were supposed to spend the night but it was veto'd. I met mom, we talked, told her I get it and don't allow my son to hang out at random house parties. Now she knows me and all is well. I was awake until 3 am. A few boys slept over and that is how it goes. If kids don't like it, they won't come back. They boys stayed over for 2 nights until I kicked them out. This won't be a common occurrence but at least they all know this will not be a host house. Told the boys they're welcome anytime. Also told them the rules aren't negotiable, that I do care about them but don't love them enough to be a liability. A little humor goes a long way. |
Anonymous
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The OP is describing the "party house" from my teen years in the 90s! Sibling pair high school classmates of mine whose parents were often gone. We had epic parties in that house - but that was during our senior year, with most of us already being 17/18.
At 15, NOPE, I wouldn't have been allowed to go there, or anywhere else without parents present. |