DH angry over childcare situation.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Three kids definitely isn’t much better from an immunity standpoint if they aren’t all even living in the same Household the rest of the time. Plus MIL is medically fragile so less healthy and getting sick more than a healthy young daycare worker.

[Anonymous]

A SAHM could do a toddler and twins. Why can’t MIL?

Make dh do drop off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM could do a toddler and twins. Why can’t MIL?

Make dh do drop off.

Read OP’s post: she’s frail and has had health issues.

[Anonymous]

I think he’s mad because you guys don’t have free childcare. I never expected my parents to raise our kids- so I wouldn’t resent this.

[Anonymous]

Tell your DH that he is being incredibly selfish and needs to grow up. I honestly find it pathetic that grown adults expect their parents to act as nannies or housekeepers to help raise their children. Don’t have kids if you can’t afford childcare or for one of you to stay home. To expect MIL to perform this function is selfish and pathetic. My guess is that MIL created this problem though by raising a son and daughter who can’t do things for themselves and expect Mom to continue to do everything for them. Sad.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he’s mad because you guys don’t have free childcare. I never expected my parents to raise our kids- so I wouldn’t resent this.

But this is quite common in some cultures. It is expected

[Anonymous]

I really like the idea of the grandmas helper. You don’t need to get a seasoned nanny for that. My babysitter who went to classes at night would have loved that job. You and SIL could pitch and have help for grandma while she watches the kids.

[Anonymous]

Plus one on grandmas helper.

[Anonymous]

Definitely sounds like your DH is resentful that MIL will continue providing free childcare for his sister. Hard to tell if it’s because of the money issue or just because he wants his mom to watch his own child because she’s his mom and he trusts her (you’d have to ask - maybe both). It sounds to me like way too big of a job for an older MIL with health issues so in my view not even a question that she can’t watch all three.

This is a question for their family to sort out. You should try to discuss again with your DH and try to understand what about it is making him so upset. But you should also start interviewing nannys and find one that you like because it sounds like you’re not getting MIL.

[Anonymous]

I think your analysis of the situation is correct, OP. I would just start moving forward interviewing nannies. Just redirect your husband, "well you need to go talk to your sister." Agree with PP that it is probably better for your baby to be in care alone this winter than with two other kids. My preemie was at a small home daycare starting at 9 months and got sick a lot that first winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't he drive cross town for pick up and drop off if he's insistent on it? I don't think its fair to your MIL.

There are lots of options here and your DH and MIL are indeed not realistic.

She is older now and more frail. Difficult to watch babies and toddlers

Au pairs might be option for 40-45 hours a week. And could drive. Or a nanny share IN your neighborhood- $10-14 per kid per hour. Less if 3-5 kids total. (Attention will be less too).

Nannies for one child are $15-17 p kid cash, $17-20/hour w-2 in wash dC. Hire nannies 1 month before the need. They don’t arrive in the market months before a start date. Interviewing is key, references too, and constant managing/communicating.

Yes SIl lucked out and got some free household help and childcare. Your husband needs to make amends about this, possibly your MIL can make it fair we in other ways (more babysitting, splitting her time, helping when/if one of you travel). But getting quality care needs to be the priority- not saving money or equalizing other peoples relationship with him. But yes it is not fair. Ideally MIL stops carrying for SIl kids and starts caring for yours: she should do years 1-3 with each.

[Anonymous]

Why would u wake a baby at 6am if you work from home? You might have a hard time finding a Nanny to come with a parent working from home fyi. I also would not use your Mil given what u have described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not do half and half? Part time nanny and part time mil? Win for everyone

Yes that is OR miL does 2-3 years for SIL (done) and then 2-3 years for you. SIl older kids will need more activities, socializing with same age kids, and driving than a bay anyhow. And MIL needs to come to your house or sleep over Mon—thurs if that’s easier for traffic reasons.

[Anonymous]

If you work from home, how about a part time nanny? You get up and work for a couple of hours before baby is up, nanny comes a little later. Your DH watches the baby in the evening while you finish working.

Or alternate some days nanny, some days MIL.