Separating after 20+ years married. Alimony?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah you should be. You need a lawyer.

Lesson to all us younger ones out there: don’t spend the prime years of your life working for free to support a man’s success.

Exactly. I’m sorry Op but you did make this bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Sister was married for close to twenty years.

When she divorced, she got 1/2 of what her husband earns plus 1/2 his retirement.

The alimony is forever unless she re-marries.
She lives in CA which is hugely a property state.

The state should compel her to work the same number of hours per week as her ex husband. Even if that’s a minimum wage Walmart job, it is unconscionable to think that a State can force a man to work while a woman does no work. Regardless of how great she might have once been as a SAHM, once those child duties are complete (ie kids are in school full time) she has NOT done anything to earn a lifetime of free income with zero work hours.

This is also what the judge will say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Sister was married for close to twenty years.

When she divorced, she got 1/2 of what her husband earns plus 1/2 his retirement.

The alimony is forever unless she re-marries.
She lives in CA which is hugely a property state.

The state should compel her to work the same number of hours per week as her ex husband. Even if that’s a minimum wage Walmart job, it is unconscionable to think that a State can force a man to work while a woman does no work. Regardless of how great she might have once been as a SAHM, once those child duties are complete (ie kids are in school full time) she has NOT done anything to earn a lifetime of free income with zero work hours.

Uhhh...and most divorced SAH spouses DO go back to work. They need health insurance and they have bills to pay like everyone else does. They also get alimony to help them make ends meet plus half of the marital assets. They don't just get kicked to the curb while the bread winning spouse keeps it all. That's not the way it works.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how much your husband makes and how his business is set up.

Generally ... You will be required to get a job.

You will be allowed to find a home similar to what you live in but also for your h.

Alimony will be the difference between your salary and the cost of living.

If your husband wants he could go get a job making less and you would owe him alimony.

If you worked as a lawyer till 35 you will probably get restorative alimony not permanent.

But don't be a jerk, you allowed your H to build a business... You didn't build it. If you did then ask for an equal position in the company... But you can't if you don't ha v e those skills.

[Anonymous]

OP, talk to an attorney. You won’t get permanent alimony, but you will get some spousal support or the equivalent. Since you directly contributed to the business, you likely can make a claim for a share of it (especially if the business started during the marriage). You spouse may prefer to agree to a healthy spousal support provision in lieu of you getting a 50% ownership stake in the business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Sister was married for close to twenty years.

When she divorced, she got 1/2 of what her husband earns plus 1/2 his retirement.

The alimony is forever unless she re-marries.
She lives in CA which is hugely a property state.

The state should compel her to work the same number of hours per week as her ex husband. Even if that’s a minimum wage Walmart job, it is unconscionable to think that a State can force a man to work while a woman does no work. Regardless of how great she might have once been as a SAHM, once those child duties are complete (ie kids are in school full time) she has NOT done anything to earn a lifetime of free income with zero work hours.

Uhhh...and most divorced SAH spouses DO go back to work. They need health insurance and they have bills to pay like everyone else does. They also get alimony to help them make ends meet plus half of the marital assets. They don't just get kicked to the curb while the bread winning spouse keeps it all. That's not the way it works.

Uhhh... there's no way then for PP's claim that she gets 1/2 of what her husband earns could be true. I am all for rehabilitative alimony while a divorced spouse gets back on her (or his) feet to re-enter the workforce and support her (or him)self. But on no planet should a spouse EVER (for ANY reason) collect even 1 cent of alimony who does not her (or him)self work a THE SAME # OF HOURS/WEEK in a paying job (or is actively being trained/educated to do so).

[Anonymous]

My sister got alimony for the same amount of years as the marriage. 16 years. You are hearing from disgruntled DHs. Yes you should get alimony. Yes you should. And for my cousin who paid alimony to her DH because he stayed home with the kids. Yes it works both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Sister was married for close to twenty years.

When she divorced, she got 1/2 of what her husband earns plus 1/2 his retirement.

The alimony is forever unless she re-marries.
She lives in CA which is hugely a property state.

The state should compel her to work the same number of hours per week as her ex husband. Even if that’s a minimum wage Walmart job, it is unconscionable to think that a State can force a man to work while a woman does no work. Regardless of how great she might have once been as a SAHM, once those child duties are complete (ie kids are in school full time) she has NOT done anything to earn a lifetime of free income with zero work hours.

Uhhh...and most divorced SAH spouses DO go back to work. They need health insurance and they have bills to pay like everyone else does. They also get alimony to help them make ends meet plus half of the marital assets. They don't just get kicked to the curb while the bread winning spouse keeps it all. That's not the way it works.

Uhhh... there's no way then for PP's claim that she gets 1/2 of what her husband earns could be true. I am all for rehabilitative alimony while a divorced spouse gets back on her (or his) feet to re-enter the workforce and support her (or him)self. But on no planet should a spouse EVER (for ANY reason) collect even 1 cent of alimony who does not her (or him)self work a THE SAME # OF HOURS/WEEK in a paying job (or is actively being trained/educated to do so).

Depending on the ages of the people and assets involved, it may not make sense to put money into job training when the couple is already approaching retirement age. You have to look at the big picture. It's not a one size fits all. Why should the husband be able to retire in 5 years while the wife is required to work retail until she's 80?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. And you will get some assets, too.

No, there's no permanent alimony. They'll get 5-8 years of payments plus half the assets/retirement accounts.

Depends on the state. In Virginia, for example, 20 years of marriage triggers lifetime alimony. This is why OP should consult a lawyer

[Anonymous]

I date a lot of divorced dads in their forties and i am shocked by how easy they all got off. They had to split the assets, but no alimony, and child support is small to none. Several of the exes either stayed at home or cut back career wise to raise the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I date a lot of divorced dads in their forties and i am shocked by how easy they all got off. They had to split the assets, but no alimony, and child support is small to none. Several of the exes either stayed at home or cut back career wise to raise the kids.

Maybe they are not telling you the whole picture.

[Anonymous]

Yes she can try to get a job but age discrimination is rampant and women in their 50s are particularly hard hit. She is not likely to find anything well-paying with her experience unless she has useful current skills from her work with her husband.

OP what skills do you have from the business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I date a lot of divorced dads in their forties and i am shocked by how easy they all got off. They had to split the assets, but no alimony, and child support is small to none. Several of the exes either stayed at home or cut back career wise to raise the kids.

That should tell you something about the kind of men you're dating...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I date a lot of divorced dads in their forties and i am shocked by how easy they all got off. They had to split the assets, but no alimony, and child support is small to none. Several of the exes either stayed at home or cut back career wise to raise the kids.

That's the deal I got--no alimony, almost no child support. Only cost me $250,000 in legal fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. And you will get some assets, too.

No, there's no permanent alimony. They'll get 5-8 years of payments plus half the assets/retirement accounts.

Depends on the state. In Virginia, for example, 20 years of marriage triggers lifetime alimony. This is why OP should consult a lawyer

In Virginia, courts often reduce or eliminate alimony when the ex-husband retires. OP better hope her ex doesn't retire, die, or move out of the country.