Unmarried women happiest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment (and the present moment is what matters) I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children.

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters.

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a little bit of a problem where they don't break out marriages do they? Like happily married vs unhappily married? I don't know because the article doesn't link to the data they used.

But I think that single moms have the toughest road, all the worry none of the support. Women in bad marriages are frequently almost in the same situation, no support, carrying the load by themselves.

A single woman in her 60s, divorced after being in a bad marriage and weighed down by obligations to her children for three decades? Of course she's happy! Finally free!

But where is the meaningful comparison to women happily married to men who carry their weight?

This type of study also never takes into account personality types. Some people crave companionship more than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read several studies that lean toward this over the years. I believe it for the most part. Every older single woman I know is happy - they have no relationship complications; don’t have to take care of anyone but themselves; don’t have to worry about grown children or grandchildren.

Uh huh. You're not seeing the part where she weeps bitterly into her glass of cheap white wine, mourns the emptiness of her barren womb, and wonders where the years went.

This is a very weird statement. 44 year old again. I feel like a lot of people look at me like um missing out or pity me, but I look at them and think they’re missing out. Its just different ways of looking at like, everyone is different and we don’t have to want the same things. I don’t cry about my barren womb, I genuinely don’t want kids. If biology made it possible for me to have kids at 74, maybe by then I’d be ready to settle down but for right now all I want is a quiet life and to travel.

I'm 40, never married, no kids and I agree with both of your posts. I don't understand the pity i sometimes get from people. I do not want kids and the older I get, the less I want to get married. I am free to live my life however I want. I think it's silly to always try to pit women against one another. If a woman wants kids, great. Want to be married? Great. Don't want either one? Great. What's the big deal??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment (and the present moment is what matters) I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children.

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters.

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.

Why go to the gym if you're miserable on the treadmill in the present moment? Why skip that third beer if you're happy in the present moment?

People do things all the time to plan for a future that is happy. Can't live in fear of what ifs.

[Anonymous]

I agree.

But I do tons of things that are not healthy/make me less happy.

Happiness is overrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment (and the present moment is what matters) I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children.

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters.

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.

Oh there are definitely very happy moments in between the tough times, and I'm happy generally (but much happier now that DD is 3-years-old and is sweet, hilarious and more independent then ever. But first couple of years (for me) were very, very hard. If I was only focused on being happy in the present, then I probably wouldn't have taken the leap into what were the toughest two years of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I drank the Kool aid I guess but I can't see single, never married, no kids life to be something I'd ever want

So good thing it's not what you have! I'm with you PP, I am pregnant with #3 and love being married and growing a big family. But I also understand people are different. I hate spicy food and roller coasters and camping and being hot. But plenty of other people love all those things! Differences, it's what keeps the world interesting. People choosing a different path than you isn't an indictment of your choice, its just a representation of their own wants and desires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment (and the present moment is what matters) I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children.

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters.

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.

Why go to the gym if you're miserable on the treadmill in the present moment? Why skip that third beer if you're happy in the present moment?

People do things all the time to plan for a future that is happy. Can't live in fear of what ifs.

I would say if the treadmill makes you miserable, pick a different exercise. I hate exercising ‘to lose weight’. I changed my mindset. I don’t pick exercises that I don’t like. I literally do exercise because I enjoy it and if I am having a rough day it 100% makes my day better.

[Anonymous]

I got to have the kids I always longed for and then divorced.......so I have three kids and a single mom and I'm like a pig in shit. No more abusive asshole in the house, plenty of money and family and friend support. Great job and I get to do what I want in the 25% of the time I don't have the kids, but they primarily live with me,

Having seen what happens when addiction or mental illness take down a good person ~ addiction or mental illness could come for any of us ~ But whoever it comes for next in my life will NOT Be legally tied to me as I plan to remain legally single until I die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment (and the present moment is what matters) I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children.

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters.

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.

Why go to the gym if you're miserable on the treadmill in the present moment? Why skip that third beer if you're happy in the present moment?

People do things all the time to plan for a future that is happy. Can't live in fear of what ifs.

I would say if the treadmill makes you miserable, pick a different exercise. I hate exercising ‘to lose weight’. I changed my mindset. I don’t pick exercises that I don’t like. I literally do exercise because I enjoy it and if I am having a rough day it 100% makes my day better.

If I'm having a rough day getting a hug from my kid makes my day better. And just like exercise, some parts are hard and have to be pushed through, but the rewards I reap from the effort make those moments worthwhile. For me children have never been a long slog of misery everyday (although pregnancy sure as shi* is). And I would be less happy without them because it was something I really wanted out of life. Different stroked for different folks. For me, the things I love most in my life I worked hard for and sometimes went through hard times to achieve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment (and the present moment is what matters) I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children.

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters.

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.

Why go to the gym if you're miserable on the treadmill in the present moment? Why skip that third beer if you're happy in the present moment?

People do things all the time to plan for a future that is happy. Can't live in fear of what ifs.

I would say if the treadmill makes you miserable, pick a different exercise. I hate exercising ‘to lose weight’. I changed my mindset. I don’t pick exercises that I don’t like. I literally do exercise because I enjoy it and if I am having a rough day it 100% makes my day better.

If I'm having a rough day getting a hug from my kid makes my day better. And just like exercise, some parts are hard and have to be pushed through, but the rewards I reap from the effort make those moments worthwhile. For me children have never been a long slog of misery everyday (although pregnancy sure as shi* is). And I would be less happy without them because it was something I really wanted out of life. Different stroked for different folks. For me, the things I love most in my life I worked hard for and sometimes went through hard times to achieve.

Are you the poster who commented that a family is a garden to enjoy later? I 100% agree different strokes for different folks, but having a family for some future happiness seems odd. Seems like you need to enjoy most of the present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment (and the present moment is what matters) I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children.

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters.

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.

Why go to the gym if you're miserable on the treadmill in the present moment? Why skip that third beer if you're happy in the present moment?

People do things all the time to plan for a future that is happy. Can't live in fear of what ifs.

I would say if the treadmill makes you miserable, pick a different exercise. I hate exercising ‘to lose weight’. I changed my mindset. I don’t pick exercises that I don’t like. I literally do exercise because I enjoy it and if I am having a rough day it 100% makes my day better.

If I'm having a rough day getting a hug from my kid makes my day better. And just like exercise, some parts are hard and have to be pushed through, but the rewards I reap from the effort make those moments worthwhile. For me children have never been a long slog of misery everyday (although pregnancy sure as shi* is). And I would be less happy without them because it was something I really wanted out of life. Different stroked for different folks. For me, the things I love most in my life I worked hard for and sometimes went through hard times to achieve.

Are you the poster who commented that a family is a garden to enjoy later? I 100% agree different strokes for different folks, but having a family for some future happiness seems odd. Seems like you need to enjoy most of the present.

I am not that poster. But that posters point rings true to me. Having young kids is filled with moments of extreme joy and moments of extreme frustration and personal sacrifice.

I think you are reading what PP is writing as, "I am 100% miserable today in an effort to create a future in 10 years where I will be 100% happy" and I think most people with kids aren't reading her that way. It's more like, I accept the difficult hike up this mountain with all its highs (great views! exercise! being one with nature!) and lows (tired. can I get over this next hill? cold/hot. blisters on toes) in anticipation of the plateaus of peace and accomplishment. The moment where you reach the summit and sit and enjoy the fruit of your journey. The moment you get out of the hot shower and lie down on the bed with a pizza after you get down and reflect upon an amazing day.

The first mountain you hike will be the most uncomfortable and hard because you don't know what you're doing. Maybe later mountains will be hard in different ways, more challenging, more dangerous. But you like hiking up mountains, you love the moments you reach the summit.

The more you climb the more confident you get, the less unsure you feel, the less help you need. Same with kids as they get older. Sometimes there are more dangerous and complicated challenges then a blister on your toe as you advance. But you feel accomplished and satisfied with the advancement.

And then at the end of your life you look back on this rich mountain climbing resume and feel like you have seen what you want to see and done what you want to have done and you enjoy the community of young climbers who seek your advice and company as they start out on their journeys.

Maybe I've taken the analogy too far but I hope you get the idea.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure some women are happier being single. More power to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment (and the present moment is what matters) I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children.

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters.

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.

Why go to the gym if you're miserable on the treadmill in the present moment? Why skip that third beer if you're happy in the present moment?

People do things all the time to plan for a future that is happy. Can't live in fear of what ifs.

I would say if the treadmill makes you miserable, pick a different exercise. I hate exercising ‘to lose weight’. I changed my mindset. I don’t pick exercises that I don’t like. I literally do exercise because I enjoy it and if I am having a rough day it 100% makes my day better.

If I'm having a rough day getting a hug from my kid makes my day better. And just like exercise, some parts are hard and have to be pushed through, but the rewards I reap from the effort make those moments worthwhile. For me children have never been a long slog of misery everyday (although pregnancy sure as shi* is). And I would be less happy without them because it was something I really wanted out of life. Different stroked for different folks. For me, the things I love most in my life I worked hard for and sometimes went through hard times to achieve.

Are you the poster who commented that a family is a garden to enjoy later? I 100% agree different strokes for different folks, but having a family for some future happiness seems odd. Seems like you need to enjoy most of the present.

I am not that poster. But that posters point rings true to me. Having young kids is filled with moments of extreme joy and moments of extreme frustration and personal sacrifice.

I think you are reading what PP is writing as, "I am 100% miserable today in an effort to create a future in 10 years where I will be 100% happy" and I think most people with kids aren't reading her that way. It's more like, I accept the difficult hike up this mountain with all its highs (great views! exercise! being one with nature!) and lows (tired. can I get over this next hill? cold/hot. blisters on toes) in anticipation of the plateaus of peace and accomplishment. The moment where you reach the summit and sit and enjoy the fruit of your journey. The moment you get out of the hot shower and lie down on the bed with a pizza after you get down and reflect upon an amazing day.

The first mountain you hike will be the most uncomfortable and hard because you don't know what you're doing. Maybe later mountains will be hard in different ways, more challenging, more dangerous. But you like hiking up mountains, you love the moments you reach the summit.

The more you climb the more confident you get, the less unsure you feel, the less help you need. Same with kids as they get older. Sometimes there are more dangerous and complicated challenges then a blister on your toe as you advance. But you feel accomplished and satisfied with the advancement.

And then at the end of your life you look back on this rich mountain climbing resume and feel like you have seen what you want to see and done what you want to have done and you enjoy the community of young climbers who seek your advice and company as they start out on their journeys.

Maybe I've taken the analogy too far but I hope you get the idea.

Don't eat pizza on the bed. Not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment (and the present moment is what matters) I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children.

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters.

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.

Why go to the gym if you're miserable on the treadmill in the present moment? Why skip that third beer if you're happy in the present moment?

People do things all the time to plan for a future that is happy. Can't live in fear of what ifs.

I would say if the treadmill makes you miserable, pick a different exercise. I hate exercising ‘to lose weight’. I changed my mindset. I don’t pick exercises that I don’t like. I literally do exercise because I enjoy it and if I am having a rough day it 100% makes my day better.

If I'm having a rough day getting a hug from my kid makes my day better. And just like exercise, some parts are hard and have to be pushed through, but the rewards I reap from the effort make those moments worthwhile. For me children have never been a long slog of misery everyday (although pregnancy sure as shi* is). And I would be less happy without them because it was something I really wanted out of life. Different stroked for different folks. For me, the things I love most in my life I worked hard for and sometimes went through hard times to achieve.

Are you the poster who commented that a family is a garden to enjoy later? I 100% agree different strokes for different folks, but having a family for some future happiness seems odd. Seems like you need to enjoy most of the present.

I am not that poster. But that posters point rings true to me. Having young kids is filled with moments of extreme joy and moments of extreme frustration and personal sacrifice.

I think you are reading what PP is writing as, "I am 100% miserable today in an effort to create a future in 10 years where I will be 100% happy" and I think most people with kids aren't reading her that way. It's more like, I accept the difficult hike up this mountain with all its highs (great views! exercise! being one with nature!) and lows (tired. can I get over this next hill? cold/hot. blisters on toes) in anticipation of the plateaus of peace and accomplishment. The moment where you reach the summit and sit and enjoy the fruit of your journey. The moment you get out of the hot shower and lie down on the bed with a pizza after you get down and reflect upon an amazing day.

The first mountain you hike will be the most uncomfortable and hard because you don't know what you're doing. Maybe later mountains will be hard in different ways, more challenging, more dangerous. But you like hiking up mountains, you love the moments you reach the summit.

The more you climb the more confident you get, the less unsure you feel, the less help you need. Same with kids as they get older. Sometimes there are more dangerous and complicated challenges then a blister on your toe as you advance. But you feel accomplished and satisfied with the advancement.

And then at the end of your life you look back on this rich mountain climbing resume and feel like you have seen what you want to see and done what you want to have done and you enjoy the community of young climbers who seek your advice and company as they start out on their journeys.

Maybe I've taken the analogy too far but I hope you get the idea.

I love your mountain analogy!