Unmarried women happiest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thoughts are that I don't give a flying crap if Paul Dolan is a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics and I don't give a flying crap if he said the latest evidence showed that the traditional markers used to measure success did not correlate with happiness – particularly marriage and raising children.

He still doesn't get to speak for ALL women or ANY women for that matter so he can stick his hypothesis up his ass.

You seem really triggered by the idea that a woman can be happy without a partner or children. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

I'm a single woman of 47, and I know lots of single women 35-55. Broadly speaking, my friends and acquaintances tend to fall into one of two camps.

The first camp is very upset/unhappy/depressed that they are not married, especially if they had wanted children. They are out there, doing the online dating A LOT and kind of hating it. Some of them probably could have had kids on their own, but chose not to, because they wanted to do that with a partner, and some of them could definitely buy houses solo but are waiting until they find "the one". Most of them have good careers but I'm not sure they appreciate the benefits of having a good income.

The other camp is people like me. They may or may not have kids, but they've accepted their lot in life. They sometimes date if they meet someone they like, but they're not constantly swiping through dudes on Bumble because they have other stuff going on. When they go out, they're talking to their friends, not worrying about whether the cute guy at the bar has a ring and how they should approach him. They generally own their own homes and they usually either know how to fix stuff, they "have a guy" they pay to do that stuff, or some combination. They have hobbies and workout routines and pets. They travel solo or with friends. And they seem pretty content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people, of either sex, have never learned to be happy alone.

True, because humans are very social, and we are wired to want to pair up and to want to reproduce.
If some folks are happy single with no kids— great. That’s the life they should live.
But I’m skeptical that this group as a whole is happier when the default for humans is to share life with a partner (including regular sex & physical closeness) and to want to pass on your genes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people, of either sex, have never learned to be happy alone.

True, because humans are very social, and we are wired to want to pair up and to want to reproduce.
If some folks are happy single with no kids— great. That’s the life they should live.
But I’m skeptical that this group as a whole is happier when the default for humans is to share life with a partner (including regular sex & physical closeness) and to want to pass on your genes.

^^Married = Regular sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the cause of white population decline.

Now we just need brown to get down with childlessness and we might save the planet.

1) Brown babies worldwide aren’t haven’t as much impact on the environment as white babies in the US, Canada, and Europe. If you want to save the world, convince Larla in Chevy Chase to have 1 child or adopt and live in a condo, take public transportation, and stop eating beef and pork.

2) Why do you assume all brown women want to be mothers?

I’m AA. Of my maternal grandmother’s 11 siblings, 6 were women who never had children. Only two of those were maiden aunts. I have 4 female first cousins between ages 30-45. Two never wanted to have kids and don’t. Of my 8 female second cousins ages 30-50, only one has a child and she has one, now 22 years old. My own girls are ambivalent about parenthood and I’ll support their plans either way.
Among my AA and Hispanic friends ages 38-55, over half never wanted kids or were ambivalent. Many are from large families so they know the costs of motherhood and wanted careers, travel, or less stress.

None of my brothers have children. One of my SIL said she married my brother only after he agreed to not have children. Of my roughly 20 male first and second cousins, only three have children.

DH is also one of many AA siblings and most have no kids. They can afford them, but don’t want any.

[Anonymous]

Clearly in most countries women are in a worse situation then in the U.S. or even in the U.K. Makes sense they would prefer to be widows or single. Human rights for women is still a dream too far away for most women, abuse, rape, beatings are nothing out of the norm for women world around. In the past, widows were the only women that had some freedom even here. Makes sense to most, and I write this a happily married woman for 25 years. Not many are as lucky.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s the same for men. Men are told to get over it and stop complaining - ie you made your own bed and no one wants to hear how unhappy you are.

Women seem to have an expectation that they should be happy and it is a right of women. That is a high bar to meet.

[Anonymous]

I married late, and definitely could be happy on my own. I think I'd be happier unmarried (but have reasons to stay married). I love my children very much, and always wanted children, so I think I wouldn't be happier if I'd never had them.

[Anonymous]

I could have stayed single and sometimes think I am more cut out for solitude, but I would have felt like I failed or missed out if I didn't get married and have kids. I also think society treats families as higher status than single people. But the stress of dealing with health issues and behavior problems is undeniable. Even if you married you will lose your spouse to divorce or death. I think it's nice to have a family as a support system in old age. I would not trade places with the single people I know even though their lives are less complicated. I like the garden and hiking analogies. Life is more full that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My thoughts are that I don't give a flying crap if Paul Dolan is a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics and I don't give a flying crap if he said the latest evidence showed that the traditional markers used to measure success did not correlate with happiness – particularly marriage and raising children.

He still doesn't get to speak for ALL women or ANY women for that matter so he can stick his hypothesis up his ass.

You seem really triggered by the idea that a woman can be happy without a partner or children. Why is that?

No but I was triggered by the doofus'ology of a man saying he knows what makes women happy.
HA!!!!!
That is as pompous as it is preposterous.
NO MAN knows what makes women happy because women themselves don't know what the hell makes them happy.

[Anonymous]

I've very skeptical of happiness research in general. First off I don't think that you can measure happiness accurately, second off a lot of happiness research assumes that happiness is the only goal in life. Sure happiness is important, but it seems very hedonistic to assume that you should pursue happiness at the expense of everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the cause of white population decline.

Now we just need brown to get down with childlessness and we might save the planet.

1) Brown babies worldwide aren’t haven’t as much impact on the environment as white babies in the US, Canada, and Europe. If you want to save the world, convince Larla in Chevy Chase to have 1 child or adopt and live in a condo, take public transportation, and stop eating beef and pork.

2) Why do you assume all brown women want to be mothers?

I’m AA. Of my maternal grandmother’s 11 siblings, 6 were women who never had children. Only two of those were maiden aunts. I have 4 female first cousins between ages 30-45. Two never wanted to have kids and don’t. Of my 8 female second cousins ages 30-50, only one has a child and she has one, now 22 years old. My own girls are ambivalent about parenthood and I’ll support their plans either way.
Among my AA and Hispanic friends ages 38-55, over half never wanted kids or were ambivalent. Many are from large families so they know the costs of motherhood and wanted careers, travel, or less stress.

None of my brothers have children. One of my SIL said she married my brother only after he agreed to not have children. Of my roughly 20 male first and second cousins, only three have children.

DH is also one of many AA siblings and most have no kids. They can afford them, but don’t want any.

The population explosion is happening in India and Africa. Not Europe.
I don’t pretend to speak for those women. I’d just like to see about 4 billion fewer people on the planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[/url]https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

Thoughts on this?

Um, how old are they?

[Anonymous]

As a single woman (granted, I’m in my mid 20s) I can see both sides. I love being able to whatever I want, when I want, but I wish I had someone to share my life with. Maybe someday!

[Anonymous]

I have a bunch of single women friends with no kids and no partners. I do think they're happier than me -- I also think they are naive in a certain way. Not as a bad thing -- but naive to the huge sacrifice of having kids.