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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m 44, never married and no kids. I think I’m a lot happier than most of my friends because I don’t have relationship, kid or financial stress. I only have to worry about myself. I travel internationally 10x a year. Lately I’ve been asking myself if I’d regret my choices not to have a family when I’m 60, but for the moment [b](and the present moment is what matters)[/b] I am happy. I don’t need to find my purpose through a spouse or children. [/quote]

This is a really interesting perspective. I always wanted to be married, and I wasted a lot of my 'single carefree' years worrying about no being married. I LOVE being married, but only recently decided to have a child (just one). But I never would have had a child if I expected to be happy in the present moment all the time.

Children are a garden. It takes years of tilling, sowing, sprouting, watering, shielding and all sorts of physical and emotional toil to grow a beautiful garden. A family is something you build to enjoy many years down the road. If I look at the day-to-day moments over the past three years it's a tapestry of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but when I think of walking through my life with my husband and the sweet little soul we're nurturing, then I couldn't be happier or more excited for the future. I guess to me (for the moment), the future is what matters. [/quote]

Don’t you need a decent level of happiness in the present moment? What if one of you dies, gets incredibly sick, your kid gets addicted to drugs, there is some type of major falling out? The future isn’t a guarantee.[/quote]

Why go to the gym if you're miserable on the treadmill in the present moment? Why skip that third beer if you're happy in the present moment?

People do things all the time to plan for a future that is happy. Can't live in fear of what ifs. [/quote]

I would say if the treadmill makes you miserable, pick a different exercise. I hate exercising ‘to lose weight’. I changed my mindset. I don’t pick exercises that I don’t like. I literally do exercise because I enjoy it and if I am having a rough day it 100% makes my day better.[/quote]

If I'm having a rough day getting a hug from my kid makes my day better. And just like exercise, some parts are hard and have to be pushed through, but the rewards I reap from the effort make those moments worthwhile. For me children have never been a long slog of misery everyday (although pregnancy sure as shi* is). And I would be less happy without them because it was something I really wanted out of life. Different stroked for different folks. For me, the things I love most in my life I worked hard for and sometimes went through hard times to achieve.[/quote]

Are you the poster who commented that a family is a garden to enjoy later? I 100% agree different strokes for different folks, but having a family for some future happiness seems odd. Seems like you need to enjoy most of the present.[/quote]

I am not that poster. But that posters point rings true to me. Having young kids is filled with moments of extreme joy and moments of extreme frustration and personal sacrifice.

I think you are reading what PP is writing as, "I am 100% miserable today in an effort to create a future in 10 years where I will be 100% happy" and I think most people with kids aren't reading her that way. It's more like, I accept the difficult hike up this mountain with all its highs (great views! exercise! being one with nature!) and lows (tired. can I get over this next hill? cold/hot. blisters on toes) in anticipation of the plateaus of peace and accomplishment. The moment where you reach the summit and sit and enjoy the fruit of your journey. The moment you get out of the hot shower and lie down on the bed with a pizza after you get down and reflect upon an amazing day.

The first mountain you hike will be the most uncomfortable and hard because you don't know what you're doing. Maybe later mountains will be hard in different ways, more challenging, more dangerous. But you like hiking up mountains, you love the moments you reach the summit.

The more you climb the more confident you get, the less unsure you feel, the less help you need. Same with kids as they get older. Sometimes there are more dangerous and complicated challenges then a blister on your toe as you advance. But you feel accomplished and satisfied with the advancement.

And then at the end of your life you look back on this rich mountain climbing resume and feel like you have seen what you want to see and done what you want to have done and you enjoy the community of young climbers who seek your advice and company as they start out on their journeys.

Maybe I've taken the analogy too far but I hope you get the idea. [/quote]

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