As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Caught a lot of flack, again, from family this weekend for "spoiling" our kids. Our mindset is as long as your children are earning great grades, have great friends, super involved at school, volunteer a bunch, sports, summer jobs, visit grandparents, what's wrong with giving them a nice car? But it seems to trigger a lot of folks.

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

I think it's a good reward studiousness and high-character and it's a neat feeling we've been blessed enough to be able to afford comfortable wheels. I know in high school and college I was always slightly jealous of peers who had a nice car--and it never seemed to correlate with subprime behavior. Is that the worry, that it makes kids jerks or unmotivated?

I have some bad news for you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who can afford to buy whatever car for my kids, I think it is a disservice to give your kids everything. I don’t want their life to peak while living with me. A car is an easy thing to kind of cut back on.

Yes, this exactly.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised at how judgmental people are about parenting choices. My parents paid for everything pretty much through law school. I don’t really remember what happened to any money I earned. I probably gave it to them if it was a lot — summer law jobs-and otherwise spent it in on whatever they would have bought me anyway. Also true for my brother. This worked because we made sensible choices all along, so our parents didn’t need to come up with different rules. We then both managed our money well once we were earning on our own. You parent the kid you have. My current 16-year seems to be in the same mold. She doesn’t ask for much. Asks if something is too expensive. So she is in fact budgeting for herself, just in a different way than most posters are used to. If she were a different kid, I’d parent her differently. Now, you might say she has a greater chance of going off the rails budget wise than if I adopted a different approach, and that may be true, but that doesn’t mean our way of doing things is bad or outside the range of reasonableness. There may be other aspects of her life where we are stricter than the norm. It all balances out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean you could think of it this way - I'm sure your kids seem nice but they don't have any friends they wouldn't want to know that mom and dad bought them a new jeep wrangler and/or volvo. At least your son had a teeny bit of shame but not enough frankly. So your kids don't have any friends or anyone they want to respect them who isn't also rich.

It's very likely that they'll just stay rich forever, never worry about making it on their own except to eventually stop using your credit card, and this will never affect them.

The trade-in value of my husband's old Tahoe was low 40s, which is about what we paid for DD's new Jeep.

Yeah but he could at least say "it's my dad's old car." Small, but something compared to his sister who wants a new Volvo and doesn't have anyone in her life to make her feel ashamed about it.

[Anonymous]

There is a kid out there driving a 45K(at least) 2017 Tahoe. So, the good news is that your kid is safe driving, given that every single young and most old people drive and text and are distracted, the odds of him hitting someone with that huge car are....huge.
Plus, how is that modest? Even 2017 that is your most expensive car, right there! What's next? Clearance at the White House?

[Anonymous]

How did this even come about that they want these cars? What about:" Any car, mom, any car that drives!".
You want cool and expensive stuff for you kids. Aren't they cool or good enough without them?!

[Anonymous]

I think you really missed the boat on a good lesson on sensible spending. Given the high accident rate for new drivers and teens’ propensity for scraping along curbs, parking lot lamp posts, etc., we told our kids that we were going to buy them safe but affordable used cars, because it would be a lot less expensive to repair and we were all less likely to get worked up about small dings and scratches on a car that wasn’t pristine to start. It wasn’t a punishment or a criticism of them personally, it was acknowledging the realities of new drivers and not setting them up by spending an absurd amount of money on their first cars. Once they are older with more driving experience, they can make the call themselves on whether they want to buy a more expensive car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised at how judgmental people are about parenting choices. My parents paid for everything pretty much through law school. I don’t really remember what happened to any money I earned. I probably gave it to them if it was a lot — summer law jobs-and otherwise spent it in on whatever they would have bought me anyway. Also true for my brother. This worked because we made sensible choices all along, so our parents didn’t need to come up with different rules. We then both managed our money well once we were earning on our own. You parent the kid you have. My current 16-year seems to be in the same mold. She doesn’t ask for much. Asks if something is too expensive. So she is in fact budgeting for herself, just in a different way than most posters are used to. If she were a different kid, I’d parent her differently. Now, you might say she has a greater chance of going off the rails budget wise than if I adopted a different approach, and that may be true, but that doesn’t mean our way of doing things is bad or outside the range of reasonableness. There may be other aspects of her life where we are stricter than the norm. It all balances out.

Okay but it's not clear that anyone likes you.

[Anonymous]

Baseline question OP. It sounds like you have at least 3 kids. Do you have their college educations all fully funded? And not UVA/VT/UMD/ you’ll get a scholarship somewhere/ everyone takes out some loans fully funded. Able to ED to an Ivy League or top LAC, $75,000 a year without any loans funded?

Because if only the best car will do, but education doesn’t have to be top of the line or you burden then with undergrad educational debt, or limit their educational options— to drop $130,000 on three cars for 16 year olds— then yes— you better believe I’m judging you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised at how judgmental people are about parenting choices. My parents paid for everything pretty much through law school. I don’t really remember what happened to any money I earned. I probably gave it to them if it was a lot — summer law jobs-and otherwise spent it in on whatever they would have bought me anyway. Also true for my brother. This worked because we made sensible choices all along, so our parents didn’t need to come up with different rules. We then both managed our money well once we were earning on our own. You parent the kid you have. My current 16-year seems to be in the same mold. She doesn’t ask for much. Asks if something is too expensive. So she is in fact budgeting for herself, just in a different way than most posters are used to. If she were a different kid, I’d parent her differently. Now, you might say she has a greater chance of going off the rails budget wise than if I adopted a different approach, and that may be true, but that doesn’t mean our way of doing things is bad or outside the range of reasonableness. There may be other aspects of her life where we are stricter than the norm. It all balances out.

Okay but it's not clear that anyone likes you.

I don't get this attitude either. My parent fully paid for college and graduate school and bought us each cheaper new cars in graduate school as we had internships. We never overspent and were exactly how this poster described. We worked every summer and gave our checks to my mom and I have no idea where she put the money but we always had what we needed. She said she put it away for college but I have no idea if it went into savings or a checking or what. I plan to do the same for mine. They also taught me to do a roth ira with my first real paycheck and how to save. You can provide nicely for your kids and teach them financial responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baseline question OP. It sounds like you have at least 3 kids. Do you have their college educations all fully funded? And not UVA/VT/UMD/ you’ll get a scholarship somewhere/ everyone takes out some loans fully funded. Able to ED to an Ivy League or top LAC, $75,000 a year without any loans funded?

Because if only the best car will do, but education doesn’t have to be top of the line or you burden then with undergrad educational debt, or limit their educational options— to drop $130,000 on three cars for 16 year olds— then yes— you better believe I’m judging you.

Maybe the kids don't want to go to an IVY or maybe they have it all taken care of. If they have a huge income they aren't going to get aid and its their choice to take loans.

[Anonymous]

Retired law firm partner here. When we were raising our kids, they were all well behaved and all got good grades and all stayed out of trouble and didn’t do drugs, etc. And we had plenty of money. But we did not reward our children’s good behavior with new cars. It was behavior that we simply expected from them and they acted accordingly. I think it’s ridiculous indulgent for high school kids to be given a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Retired law firm partner here. When we were raising our kids, they were all well behaved and all got good grades and all stayed out of trouble and didn’t do drugs, etc. And we had plenty of money. But we did not reward our children’s good behavior with new cars. It was behavior that we simply expected from them and they acted accordingly. I think it’s ridiculous indulgent for high school kids to be given a car.

If you can afford it, why not? You cannot take all that money with you and a car will make your life easier in less you don't have them in sports or activities. Reality is you probably had an extra car that they used and it was technically theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baseline question OP. It sounds like you have at least 3 kids. Do you have their college educations all fully funded? And not UVA/VT/UMD/ you’ll get a scholarship somewhere/ everyone takes out some loans fully funded. Able to ED to an Ivy League or top LAC, $75,000 a year without any loans funded?

Because if only the best car will do, but education doesn’t have to be top of the line or you burden then with undergrad educational debt, or limit their educational options— to drop $130,000 on three cars for 16 year olds— then yes— you better believe I’m judging you.

Maybe the kids don't want to go to an IVY or maybe they have it all taken care of. If they have a huge income they aren't going to get aid and its their choice to take loans.

Sure. But not being able to afford to pay out of pocket for college limits educational options in a very competitive college landscape. Whether your first choice is Harvard or not, being able apply early decision, pr even apply wodely to schools wiuthout merit aid— and there are A LOT— without worrying about financial aid is a significant advantage in college admissions. And since OP’s kids are “studious” with perfect grades when they aren’t curing cancer, one would assume they are in the running for a top 25 National college or LAC. So is the money there or not? If you are spending $45,000 on a new car for a teenager before you fund their college education because: “”it feels neat” your priorities are out of whack. Ditto if you make your kid come out of undergrad— not grad school— with $45,000 extra in unsubsidized loans so they can drive their dream car in HS.

Maybe OP can afford college and the cars (and retirement and a mortgage). That’s quite a financial hit to take, but some families save from birth for college and have grandparents help and have large incomes and can take it. The question is— can OP afford the cars and still manage college and retirement. It’s a question anyone with any financial sense and high school kids would ask.

OP asks what the harm of expensive cars is is. Well, if college isn’t fully funded, the harm is the kid might not go to as good a college and/or might graduate with debt that limits grad school and job options. That’s a high price to pay for leather seats and an unsafe car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Baseline question OP. It sounds like you have at least 3 kids. Do you have their college educations all fully funded? And not UVA/VT/UMD/ you’ll get a scholarship somewhere/ everyone takes out some loans fully funded. Able to ED to an Ivy League or top LAC, $75,000 a year without any loans funded?

Because if only the best car will do, but education doesn’t have to be top of the line or you burden then with undergrad educational debt, or limit their educational options— to drop $130,000 on three cars for 16 year olds— then yes— you better believe I’m judging you.

Maybe the kids don't want to go to an IVY or maybe they have it all taken care of. If they have a huge income they aren't going to get aid and its their choice to take loans.

Sure. But not being able to afford to pay out of pocket for college limits educational options in a very competitive college landscape. Whether your first choice is Harvard or not, being able apply early decision, pr even apply wodely to schools wiuthout merit aid— and there are A LOT— without worrying about financial aid is a significant advantage in college admissions. And since OP’s kids are “studious” with perfect grades when they aren’t curing cancer, one would assume they are in the running for a top 25 National college or LAC. So is the money there or not? If you are spending $45,000 on a new car for a teenager before you fund their college education because: “”it feels neat” your priorities are out of whack. Ditto if you make your kid come out of undergrad— not grad school— with $45,000 extra in unsubsidized loans so they can drive their dream car in HS.

Maybe OP can afford college and the cars (and retirement and a mortgage). That’s quite a financial hit to take, but some families save from birth for college and have grandparents help and have large incomes and can take it. The question is— can OP afford the cars and still manage college and retirement. It’s a question anyone with any financial sense and high school kids would ask.

OP asks what the harm of expensive cars is is. Well, if college isn’t fully funded, the harm is the kid might not go to as good a college and/or might graduate with debt that limits grad school and job options. That’s a high price to pay for leather seats and an unsafe car.