As long as teens are studious, is there any harm in giving them a nice car?

[Anonymous]

We bought a new Subaru Forester for our son to use in high school and college. It has all the latest safety equipment and he has taken excellent care of it. The deal was that the car belonged to us until he successfully graduated from college. We signed over the pink slip to him that evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised at how judgmental people are about parenting choices. My parents paid for everything pretty much through law school. I don’t really remember what happened to any money I earned. I probably gave it to them if it was a lot — summer law jobs-and otherwise spent it in on whatever they would have bought me anyway. Also true for my brother. This worked because we made sensible choices all along, so our parents didn’t need to come up with different rules. We then both managed our money well once we were earning on our own. You parent the kid you have. My current 16-year seems to be in the same mold. She doesn’t ask for much. Asks if something is too expensive. So she is in fact budgeting for herself, just in a different way than most posters are used to. If she were a different kid, I’d parent her differently. Now, you might say she has a greater chance of going off the rails budget wise than if I adopted a different approach, and that may be true, but that doesn’t mean our way of doing things is bad or outside the range of reasonableness. There may be other aspects of her life where we are stricter than the norm. It all balances out.

Okay but it's not clear that anyone likes you.

This is an interesting response — because now you’ve changed the issue away from whether a kid raised the way I’m saying can still make sensible financial decisions to whether certain people will be jealous of a kid with expensive items. Other posters did that as well when they talked about how a kid with an expensive new car should be “ashamed” to admit it. So maybe people are trying to give advice about how it’s valuable not to be ostentatious for the good of the social order, and that may be true. We’re not wealthy, but do have a lot more money than some of my kids’ friends, and I definitely try to make them sensitive to the issues that can arise around that. But again, that’s a different issue than the one I was writing about.

Well I mean I guess the point I'm making is that it's not just that your kid might make poor financial decisions later on, because OP's kids will probably be fine financially and graduate from college and have good, professional jobs like the PP. But that doesn't equate to character. One of the ways teens form their character is by seeking the respect of the people they admire. If you're 16 and you want to drive around in a new Volvo your parents bought for you, that suggests she doesn't know anyone who would find that at all distasteful, which suggests she doesn't have any friends who aren't also rich kids or adult mentors who think she should be more independent. That leads to adults who believe that because they worked hard in school, got a good job, and succeeded in it that they deserve their success and are good people based on that alone (like the PP, who I'm sure does just fine socially within a pretty narrow strip of humanity). It's a parochial way of life. So I guess I'm saying the more important red flag here isn't that mom wants to buy daughter a Volvo, it's that daughter WANTS a Volvo from mom.

Wow, so you had a second chance to be reasonable and analytical,,but you once again chose to be judgmental and mean-spirited with your parenthetical crack about narrow strip of humanity. Too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We bought a new Subaru Forester for our son to use in high school and college. It has all the latest safety equipment and he has taken excellent care of it. The deal was that the car belonged to us until he successfully graduated from college. We signed over the pink slip to him that evening.

Why did you fire him?

[Anonymous]

If your kid is at a wealthy school, peers aren't going to be impressed with Tahoes or Jeeps or Audi and BMW small sedans. Those are a dime a dozen in wealthy school parking lots. New car is more about comfort and making your kid happy. And it feels good to know that you've busted your butt as a parent and your kids don't have to drive clunkers.

[Anonymous]

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?

Careful, your envy is showing.

[Anonymous]

My son would be embarrassed. He would find it istentatious to drive a cute new volvo at a school where other kids can barely afford lunch.

So either your kids are in a much more affluent environment, or their crowd is a narrow slice of the school population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is at a wealthy school, peers aren't going to be impressed with Tahoes or Jeeps or Audi and BMW small sedans. Those are a dime a dozen in wealthy school parking lots. New car is more about comfort and making your kid happy. And it feels good to know that you've busted your butt as a parent and your kids don't have to drive clunkers.

this is just sooo not how we roll as parents. We feel good when we know our kids work for their own stuff and that we've imparted values. Being able to hand them stuff is so far down the list. Different values, I guess!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?

Careful, your envy is showing.

The notion that someone is envious of those who buy their kids new cars is just too funny to me. We could afford to buy our kids a Jeep, or a BMW, or whatever...but would never. It has nothing to do with envy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?

Your post is not relevant given you spend more on a fancy instrument than a car. What is the difference? He doesn't need an instrument costing thousands. That would be spoiled too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?

Your post is not relevant given you spend more on a fancy instrument than a car. What is the difference? He doesn't need an instrument costing thousands. That would be spoiled too.

I am not that poster but I would disagree with this statement. Music isn't your thing, that it is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?

Your post is not relevant given you spend more on a fancy instrument than a car. What is the difference? He doesn't need an instrument costing thousands. That would be spoiled too.

I am not that poster but I would disagree with this statement. Music isn't your thing, that it is okay.

My elementary school kid has about $2K in equipment plus we go to multiple concerts a year and the collection keeps expanding. He has nicer equipment than many adults. But, the point being you are saying a kid is spoiled for buying a car. Well, by that logic it is also spoiling by buying an instrument that costs more than your car. The comments are strange when they were saying will the kid keep the car or get something nicer... the same can be said for instruments or a lot of other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?

Your post is not relevant given you spend more on a fancy instrument than a car. What is the difference? He doesn't need an instrument costing thousands. That would be spoiled too.

I am not that poster but I would disagree with this statement. Music isn't your thing, that it is okay.

My elementary school kid has about $2K in equipment plus we go to multiple concerts a year and the collection keeps expanding. He has nicer equipment than many adults. But, the point being you are saying a kid is spoiled for buying a car. Well, by that logic it is also spoiling by buying an instrument that costs more than your car. The comments are strange when they were saying will the kid keep the car or get something nicer... the same can be said for instruments or a lot of other things.

There is extensive literature on the value of being involved in music for children - from increased math skills to a sense of belonging that can come with being part of an ensemble to perseverance to the self-satisfaction that comes with perfecting a piece, the benefits are numerous. To my knowledge, there is no documented benefit of handing your teen a Jeep or whatever other car they fancy when they turn 16. So...not the same thing at all. Pretty lazy argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?

Your post is not relevant given you spend more on a fancy instrument than a car. What is the difference? He doesn't need an instrument costing thousands. That would be spoiled too.

I am not that poster but I would disagree with this statement. Music isn't your thing, that it is okay.

+1. If you have a kid headed to a conservatory, they need the sound quality of a more expensive instrument. I’m not a musician, but my kids are, and I am shocked by the differences in sound quality. And some types of instruments are much more expensive than others. My kid started at clarinet and now play bass clarinet and ouch. It’s a life long investment for their profession that should not depreciate if properly cared for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Nothing obscenely expensive, just nice and safe. Oldest daughter got a new Jeep Wrangler, son wanted my husband's 2017 Tahoe (which we bought new, then husband upgraded to a 2019), and 15 year old daughter really wants the cute little Volvo SUV.

My DH and HS senior DS share a 2012 Forester with 60,000 miles on it. It works out fine since DH takes metro or rides his bike to work. He may upgrade before DS is finished with college and maybe DS will get the car then. I don't know, maybe we're just not car people - we have a tendency to just drive them into the ground. We just bought DS a new instrument that cost more than our car.

I'm sure that your kids appreciate that you can afford to spend a quarter of a million dollars on cars and aren't spoiled because of it. Will they keep these cars, or will you get them something nicer when they graduate from college?

Your post is not relevant given you spend more on a fancy instrument than a car. What is the difference? He doesn't need an instrument costing thousands. That would be spoiled too.

I am not that poster but I would disagree with this statement. Music isn't your thing, that it is okay.

+1. If you have a kid headed to a conservatory, they need the sound quality of a more expensive instrument. I’m not a musician, but my kids are, and I am shocked by the differences in sound quality. And some types of instruments are much more expensive than others. My kid started at clarinet and now play bass clarinet and ouch. It’s a life long investment for their profession that should not depreciate if properly cared for.

There is a quailty difference but to they really need it at a young age. No, they don't need it, you or they want it. They can learn to play equally with less expensive equipment. Nothing wrong with buying it for them but its the same thing.