Rent is Due: Am I being too hard on my daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you have a college degree? I cannot fathom letting my children drop of out of college.

You think you can control your 18-20 year old like that?

[Anonymous]

I am not clear from the OP. What are you planning to do if she doesn’t pay rent? Kick her out of the house? Just be mad that she didn’t pay you?
It sounds to my like you set her up for failure to pay this. She knows that you dont need the money, and she knows that you aren’t going to ask her to leave. So why should she give up something she likes to do in order to pay you?

[Anonymous]

I think you are being too hard on her op. A regular landlord isn't interested in sob stories, but a regular landlord isn't going to ride her ass about where she works, how she spends her time, or the legitimacy of her hobbies. It's interesting that you say she could "easily walk to work" when you aren't the one doing it. She has reliable public transit that she is comfortable using. There is nothing wrong with that. Her hobbies sound great, rock climbing and guitar. Is she not allowed to enjoy wholesome activities? Would you prefer she spend her time and money on alcohol and looser boyfriends?
You mention the dog, are you sure you aren't leveraging her, i.e. "Your dad and I are going out tonight, can you walk and feed the dog"? or "We're going away for the weekend, can you take care of the dog?" A regular landlord wouldn't make those requests either.
As for her lack of common sense, you raised her. I never say this, but I will now, why didn't you do your job better? Is her lack of common sense because you didn't take the time and energy to talk and listen to her? Or is she simply making choices you wouldn't. It looks like that from where I sit. You also know full well why she doesn't drive. Why not address that if it bothers you? A regular landlord wouldn't care about that either. I'd suggest you kick her out if you don't want her there, or dial back on the rent and begin teaching her the skills she lacks, or addressing the reasons why she doesn't have them. Also be aware that from my perspective, you've described a nice young woman. Be very careful that her biggest problem in life isn't you and how you treat and view her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being too hard on her op. A regular landlord isn't interested in sob stories, but a regular landlord isn't going to ride her ass about where she works, how she spends her time, or the legitimacy of her hobbies. It's interesting that you say she could "easily walk to work" when you aren't the one doing it. She has reliable public transit that she is comfortable using. There is nothing wrong with that. Her hobbies sound great, rock climbing and guitar. Is she not allowed to enjoy wholesome activities? Would you prefer she spend her time and money on alcohol and looser boyfriends?
You mention the dog, are you sure you aren't leveraging her, i.e. "Your dad and I are going out tonight, can you walk and feed the dog"? or "We're going away for the weekend, can you take care of the dog?" A regular landlord wouldn't make those requests either.
As for her lack of common sense, you raised her. I never say this, but I will now, why didn't you do your job better? Is her lack of common sense because you didn't take the time and energy to talk and listen to her? Or is she simply making choices you wouldn't. It looks like that from where I sit. You also know full well why she doesn't drive. Why not address that if it bothers you? A regular landlord wouldn't care about that either. I'd suggest you kick her out if you don't want her there, or dial back on the rent and begin teaching her the skills she lacks, or addressing the reasons why she doesn't have them. Also be aware that from my perspective, you've described a nice young woman. Be very careful that her biggest problem in life isn't you and how you treat and view her.

A regular landlord would just evict her. Seriously, OP is being too harsh by expecting an adult to work and bring home $150 per month?! I brought in more than that working part time as a 16 year old...

A "nice" young woman wouldn't be living at home doing basically nothing at 21 years of age. Sorry, but hobbies don't count as doing something. Things like rock climbing cost money, which I'm guessing OP is funding. OP shouldn't enable any of this or she will be in this exact same situation a decade from now. OP, quit paying for these hobbies. Your daughter has food and shelter and that's more than enough. Give your daughter a little motivation for being self-sufficient.

My parents have friends with two "children" who are now in theirs 40s. Neither one holds down a steady job. Both are "artistic" so cannot be tied down to a 9-5 with normal pay. Thanks to enabling them, the parents are pushing 70 and cannot retire. They're both very nice but I think they are awful people for leaning so heavily on and draining their aging parents.

[Anonymous]

Asians don't believe in renting to children but those kids would be done with school and making money. The hell is this finding self

[Anonymous]

If she's late on rent, start charging a late fee like a landlord would.

My apartment complex charges 35% of the rent total if it is received after midnight on the 5th of the month.

Charging rent is a good lesson, but for someone who doesn't seem to need much, she's still got it pretty good and cushy.

Throw in that she has to pay some towards utilities and groceries. The more uncomfortable you make it, the more incentive she'll have to get a better job.

[Anonymous]

OP you are more than fair.

If she doesn’t pay the rent you cut her from insurance and phone and whatever else you pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you are more than fair.

If she doesn’t pay the rent you cut her from insurance and phone and whatever else you pay.

I do not advise dropping her medical and dental insurance. She will likely go without, which can have serious repercussions down the line. OP’s group insurance will likely be much better than what DD can afford on her own. I don’t really understand the need for life insurance when DD is single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asians don't believe in renting to children but those kids would be done with school and making money. The hell is this finding self

Asians also believe their children should take care of them in their old age so there is definitely an expectation of payback.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thank you all for all of the awesome encouragement and support!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are more than fair.

If she doesn’t pay the rent you cut her from insurance and phone and whatever else you pay.

I do not advise dropping her medical and dental insurance. She will likely go without, which can have serious repercussions down the line. OP’s group insurance will likely be much better than what DD can afford on her own. I don’t really understand the need for life insurance when DD is single.

I definitely wouldn't drop her from my insurance-- that's way too extreme. Also, because I have the group plan, having her on the policy doesn't cost me anything extra, so dropping her would essential be out of spite. Not looking to spite her, just to thump her skull a bit.

I've never understood people who don't at least have a minimal policy (10k) on their children. I have always had policies on mine. In the event a child dies, the funeral and burial would not be free! People complain about go fund me pages being set up for people in emergencies, which is the very reason I make sure to keep insurance on my entire family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being too hard on her op. A regular landlord isn't interested in sob stories, but a regular landlord isn't going to ride her ass about where she works, how she spends her time, or the legitimacy of her hobbies. It's interesting that you say she could "easily walk to work" when you aren't the one doing it. She has reliable public transit that she is comfortable using. There is nothing wrong with that. Her hobbies sound great, rock climbing and guitar. Is she not allowed to enjoy wholesome activities? Would you prefer she spend her time and money on alcohol and looser boyfriends?
You mention the dog, are you sure you aren't leveraging her, i.e. "Your dad and I are going out tonight, can you walk and feed the dog"? or "We're going away for the weekend, can you take care of the dog?" A regular landlord wouldn't make those requests either.
As for her lack of common sense, you raised her. I never say this, but I will now, why didn't you do your job better? Is her lack of common sense because you didn't take the time and energy to talk and listen to her? Or is she simply making choices you wouldn't. It looks like that from where I sit. You also know full well why she doesn't drive. Why not address that if it bothers you? A regular landlord wouldn't care about that either. I'd suggest you kick her out if you don't want her there, or dial back on the rent and begin teaching her the skills she lacks, or addressing the reasons why she doesn't have them. Also be aware that from my perspective, you've described a nice young woman. Be very careful that her biggest problem in life isn't you and how you treat and view her.

OP here, Oy vey! This response went wayyy off the rails! I mentioned public transportation because the metro fare is part of what eats into her pay check and her commute. When I say easily walk, I literally mean we live inches from a massive shopping mall.

I gave my daughter every advantage in life (private school, dance, piano, art, horseback riding lessons) and it appears to be backfiring. She was in school on a full scholarship and dropped out because she did not like the culture.

You seem to have some other issues going on within yourself so I'm going to leave this one alone...

[Anonymous]

Tell her she cannot live at home starting this June unless she has full-time employment, is attending community college or vocational school full-time, or some full-time combination. Until then, she is expected to pay the $150 rent and contribute towards the running of the household (list chores).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being too hard on her op. A regular landlord isn't interested in sob stories, but a regular landlord isn't going to ride her ass about where she works, how she spends her time, or the legitimacy of her hobbies. It's interesting that you say she could "easily walk to work" when you aren't the one doing it. She has reliable public transit that she is comfortable using. There is nothing wrong with that. Her hobbies sound great, rock climbing and guitar. Is she not allowed to enjoy wholesome activities? Would you prefer she spend her time and money on alcohol and looser boyfriends?
You mention the dog, are you sure you aren't leveraging her, i.e. "Your dad and I are going out tonight, can you walk and feed the dog"? or "We're going away for the weekend, can you take care of the dog?" A regular landlord wouldn't make those requests either.
As for her lack of common sense, you raised her. I never say this, but I will now, why didn't you do your job better? Is her lack of common sense because you didn't take the time and energy to talk and listen to her? Or is she simply making choices you wouldn't. It looks like that from where I sit. You also know full well why she doesn't drive. Why not address that if it bothers you? A regular landlord wouldn't care about that either. I'd suggest you kick her out if you don't want her there, or dial back on the rent and begin teaching her the skills she lacks, or addressing the reasons why she doesn't have them. Also be aware that from my perspective, you've described a nice young woman. Be very careful that her biggest problem in life isn't you and how you treat and view her.

OP here, Oy vey! This response went wayyy off the rails! I mentioned public transportation because the metro fare is part of what eats into her pay check and her commute. When I say easily walk, I literally mean we live inches from a massive shopping mall.

I gave my daughter every advantage in life (private school, dance, piano, art, horseback riding lessons) and it appears to be backfiring. She was in school on a full scholarship and dropped out because she did not like the culture.

You seem to have some other issues going on within yourself so I'm going to leave this one alone...

Barring mental health issues, you need to push your daughter some. She "didn't like the culture" and "finding herself" is UMC+ bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are being too hard on her op. A regular landlord isn't interested in sob stories, but a regular landlord isn't going to ride her ass about where she works, how she spends her time, or the legitimacy of her hobbies. It's interesting that you say she could "easily walk to work" when you aren't the one doing it. She has reliable public transit that she is comfortable using. There is nothing wrong with that. Her hobbies sound great, rock climbing and guitar. Is she not allowed to enjoy wholesome activities? Would you prefer she spend her time and money on alcohol and looser boyfriends?
You mention the dog, are you sure you aren't leveraging her, i.e. "Your dad and I are going out tonight, can you walk and feed the dog"? or "We're going away for the weekend, can you take care of the dog?" A regular landlord wouldn't make those requests either.
As for her lack of common sense, you raised her. I never say this, but I will now, why didn't you do your job better? Is her lack of common sense because you didn't take the time and energy to talk and listen to her? Or is she simply making choices you wouldn't. It looks like that from where I sit. You also know full well why she doesn't drive. Why not address that if it bothers you? A regular landlord wouldn't care about that either. I'd suggest you kick her out if you don't want her there, or dial back on the rent and begin teaching her the skills she lacks, or addressing the reasons why she doesn't have them. Also be aware that from my perspective, you've described a nice young woman. Be very careful that her biggest problem in life isn't you and how you treat and view her.

OP here, Oy vey! This response went wayyy off the rails! I mentioned public transportation because the metro fare is part of what eats into her pay check and her commute. When I say easily walk, I literally mean we live inches from a massive shopping mall.

I gave my daughter every advantage in life (private school, dance, piano, art, horseback riding lessons) and it appears to be backfiring. She was in school on a full scholarship and dropped out because she did not like the culture.

You seem to have some other issues going on within yourself so I'm going to leave this one alone...

Didn't like the culture? Then why didn't she transfer to another school? Or is that just code for she didn't like college, period. If she's not cut out for college that's fine but then she needs to figure out how she's going to support herself. Maybe learn a trade or do something. Working an hourly job where they can reduce her hours is probably not a good long term option for her. What does she actually like to do besides rock climbing? Or can she make a career out of rock climbing? Maybe work at a climbing center, or do outdoor ed or something related to that. Does she have office skills? Can she do a coding boot camp or something like that? It's time to move beyond hourly retail work and make a long term plan for someone without a college degree. It seems like whether she pays $150 in rent is pretty minor compared to the long term play here, although it does sound like she's got a good deal going.