Rent is Due: Am I being too hard on my daughter?

[Anonymous]

I just began charging my 21 yo daughter rent in January. She pays $150 per month. She works a part-time job and her hours have been unexpectedly cut back for the past few weeks. I have been on her for months about getting a better paying, more stable job, but she has been dragging her feet. She was in college but dropped out during her freshman year, and has been trying to "find" herself ever since. I implemented the rental payments in an effort to nudge her into being more responsible.

I have zero need for the peanuts she pays in rent, however, I feel strongly that a lesson needs to be taught here. In the real world, a landlord would not be interested in a sob story about reduced hours. Am I being too hard or should I stick to this method?

[Anonymous]

Nope. You are doing great.

I think she’s getting a deal. During my year of ‘funding myself’ I laid market rent of $400 plus a third of ALL utilities. And had to pay for all my car expenses.

[Anonymous]

What else is she paying for? If these are essentials like health insurance, a used car payment, or student loan, you may want to work out a payment plan with her. Maybe $75 now and repay the other $75 in an additional $15 a month over the next 5 months.
If rent cuts into her drinking money and manicures, you need to charge her the full rent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. You are doing great.

I think she’s getting a deal. During my year of ‘funding myself’ I laid market rent of $400 plus a third of ALL utilities. And had to pay for all my car expenses.

Sorry for the typos. ‘Finding myself’ and paid market rent.

[Anonymous]

$150/month is about 10-15 hours of minimum wage work. If she isn't working that much in a month then something needs to change. Why did she drop out? What was/is her plan? What does she do all day if she isn't working? I don't know if charging minimal rent is effective but something needs to change!

[Anonymous]

Do you have an idea what she is spending her money on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What else is she paying for? If these are essentials like health insurance, a used car payment, or student loan, you may want to work out a payment plan with her. Maybe $75 now and repay the other $75 in an additional $15 a month over the next 5 months.
If rent cuts into her drinking money and manicures, you need to charge her the full rent.

She pays $50 for her cell phone bill and that is her only expense. She is still on my life, health, and dental insurance plans. She does not drink or primp, but she does routinely go rock climbing and pays for guitar lessons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$150/month is about 10-15 hours of minimum wage work. If she isn't working that much in a month then something needs to change. Why did she drop out? What was/is her plan? What does she do all day if she isn't working? I don't know if charging minimal rent is effective but something needs to change!

She was working pretty steadily up until about 3 weeks ago, so prior til now about 32 hours per week. Over the past few weeks, she's been working about 15-20 hours. I'm at work during the day, so I assume during her spare time she is reading, sleeping, playing with the dog, watching Netflix or doing her hair.

I am bugged by her low motivation and what I view as a lack of common sense at times. We live in an area where she could easily find a job within walking distance, yet she chooses to work on the other side of town, which in turns eats up a good portion of her paycheck in train fare and adds an extra hour each way to her commute. She does not drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$150/month is about 10-15 hours of minimum wage work. If she isn't working that much in a month then something needs to change. Why did she drop out? What was/is her plan? What does she do all day if she isn't working? I don't know if charging minimal rent is effective but something needs to change!

She was working pretty steadily up until about 3 weeks ago, so prior til now about 32 hours per week. Over the past few weeks, she's been working about 15-20 hours. I'm at work during the day, so I assume during her spare time she is reading, sleeping, playing with the dog, watching Netflix or doing her hair.

I am bugged by her low motivation and what I view as a lack of common sense at times. We live in an area where she could easily find a job within walking distance, yet she chooses to work on the other side of town, which in turns eats up a good portion of her paycheck in train fare and adds an extra hour each way to her commute. She does not drive.

I don't understand why she isn't working full time. If she isn't going to go to college, and hasn't for several years now, she needs to start working full time in order to support herself. This is her life now and she needs to become self sufficient. You need to sit down with her and work out a financial plan and a path to living on her own (or with roommates). She can spend the next year saving money so she has a cushion and set a specific date for her to find an apartment.

[Anonymous]

Before I read that she'd dropped out of college, I was a little surprised that you would charge your daughter any amount of rent. But, yes, if she doesn't have a college degree, then she is in for financial difficulties her entire life (assuming you aren't loaded), and this is a very gentle way to try to wake her up to how hard life will become if she doesn't develop discipline and ambition, or go back and finish her degree.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd encourage her to apply to undergrad programs in European countries (or Canada). That way, while pursuing her degree, she can at least be situated to stay on and apply for permanent residency in a country that offers a social safety net to its citizens. Being degree-less is slightly less scary in nations where you don't have to fund your own health care and where public housing is actually widely distributed.

[Anonymous]

I'd give her $3000- $5000 and tell her to move out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd give her $3000- $5000 and tell her to move out.

I had actually considered doing this, but I feel like I am paying her to leave. I left my parents home voluntarily at 20, and on my own dime. They gave me an old couch and a dresser and that was it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What else is she paying for? If these are essentials like health insurance, a used car payment, or student loan, you may want to work out a payment plan with her. Maybe $75 now and repay the other $75 in an additional $15 a month over the next 5 months.
If rent cuts into her drinking money and manicures, you need to charge her the full rent.

She pays $50 for her cell phone bill and that is her only expense. She is still on my life, health, and dental insurance plans. She does not drink or primp, but she does routinely go rock climbing and pays for guitar lessons.

Drop the guitar lessons and rock climbing. There are other ways to stay fit and keep from being bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before I read that she'd dropped out of college, I was a little surprised that you would charge your daughter any amount of rent. But, yes, if she doesn't have a college degree, then she is in for financial difficulties her entire life (assuming you aren't loaded), and this is a very gentle way to try to wake her up to how hard life will become if she doesn't develop discipline and ambition, or go back and finish her degree.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd encourage her to apply to undergrad programs in European countries (or Canada). That way, while pursuing her degree, she can at least be situated to stay on and apply for permanent residency in a country that offers a social safety net to its citizens. Being degree-less is slightly less scary in nations where you don't have to fund your own health care and where public housing is actually widely distributed.

When my DD was in Britain, she could use the national health service, but she had to prove every entry (even reentry after a holiday weekend), that she could support herself and wouldn’t be a burden on the British government.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd give her $3000- $5000 and tell her to move out.

I had actually considered doing this, but I feel like I am paying her to leave. I left my parents home voluntarily at 20, and on my own dime. They gave me an old couch and a dresser and that was it.

You are giving her a start at the rest of her life. If she had stayed in school she'd be graduating soon and getting a job and moving out. It's time. My DC graduated last year, got a great job and moved to another city. It's normal for 21 year old kids to be moving out.