Anyone NEVER lock in to motherhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the same way. What really blows my mind is friends who have quit their jobs and sacrificed financially so they came stay home with kids. They want to stay home with kids so badly that they don’t mind NOT contributing to retirement, rarely shopping, limited vacations, etc. They’ve given up their identity as well and they don’t even mind. I could never do that.

To each their own. I have known women who did that and loved it. More power to them. That was not the path I wanted to take but they are thrilled to be home with their kids. And I enjoy the vacations and the savings and the retirement fund growing and all of that. But, more importantly, it felt right for me. I am not going to judge others for making a decision that felt right to them.

I had no clue if I was going to stay at home with my child or go back to work. We left that decision until the baby came and I saw how I reacted to everything. IIf I had fellt awful leaving him at day care, and that feeling didn’t wane as we all got into a routine, I would have stayed home. That was not how I felt so I kept working. It was the right decision for me.

The people who I feel bad for are the people who cannot do what they want to do. I know women who want to stay home but financially cannot afford to. I know that there are women who would like to work but they have a special needs child that requires them stay at home.

And yes, there are days I miss the baby and snuggling him in the rocking chair. I still carry him to bed every night because I know one night I won’t be able to. And I sit in his room every night while he falls asleep because he likes it and one day he won’t. But the change will come when it comes and we will be doing new and different things that will be fun and exciting. But I don’t miss those days so much that I want another child.

If I had a second child I am sure I would have loved the child and I would have been fine but I did not have an over whelming desire for a seond child. I love my life as it is and am excited to see where it goes.

[Anonymous]

Making a mountain out of a molehill...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Making a mountain out of a molehill...

Or someone who needs a little support and is sharing to see if they are alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW OP, I have a 2 year old and a second on the way and I feel like you too. This decision to have a second one was agonizing in a way that deciding to have the first was not - I sobbed when I got the positive test. Deciding to do it anyway was rooted primarily in wanting to have two grown children someday, tbh with you. I may still end up regretting it. I would probably not admit this out loud.

This is the PP with the almost two year old. If we have a second, it would be for the exact same reason, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW OP, I have a 2 year old and a second on the way and I feel like you too. This decision to have a second one was agonizing in a way that deciding to have the first was not - I sobbed when I got the positive test. Deciding to do it anyway was rooted primarily in wanting to have two grown children someday, tbh with you. I may still end up regretting it. I would probably not admit this out loud.

This is the PP with the almost two year old. If we have a second, it would be for the exact same reason, really.

Another poster who feels the same way and will probably have a second for this reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my 6 year old. I enjoy building with him, playing games with him, helpinghis Cub Scout Den out, baking with him, reading to him and all that. I would be devestated if anything happened to him. Utterly devestated.

I also knew right away I did not want a second child. I never struggled with dropping him off at day care. Honestly, I beat myself up because I was happy to go back to work. I knew he was in a great program and that we had worked our schedules so he would only be there for 6 hours a day. And I really liked being around adults and adult conversation, such as it is.

And as much as I love my child, I know that I would have been happy if I hadn’t had a child. I don’t feel like there would have been this gaping void in my life. I totally get my friends who have chosen not to have kids. I don’t think they are making a mistake or a missing out on something.

I would fall a part of anything happened tomy little man. I love the sound of his giggle and his snuggles. I cherish carrying him to bed and being with him. Another part of me understands that there is life without kids. Don’t dread his growing up.

Is that what you mean?

This is exactly how I feel and mine is 7. Exactly. I think part of the problem is social media. People I know post pictures of when their kids were babies and caption it with “oh, how I would give anything to go back in time and cuddle this little baby! My baby is growing up too fast! Make time slow down!” . And here I am not being able to identify with that at all. I’m fine with my kid growing up. That’s what he’s supposed to do. I’m more excited to see what the future holds for him than wishing I could go back in time and that he would stay little forever. I think because social media is in our face so much it makes us compare ourselves to others and then we feel like we’re the outliers when it’s a completely normal way to feel.

Np and that is exactly how I feel too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW OP, I have a 2 year old and a second on the way and I feel like you too. This decision to have a second one was agonizing in a way that deciding to have the first was not - I sobbed when I got the positive test. Deciding to do it anyway was rooted primarily in wanting to have two grown children someday, tbh with you. I may still end up regretting it. I would probably not admit this out loud.

This is the PP with the almost two year old. If we have a second, it would be for the exact same reason, really.

Another poster who feels the same way and will probably have a second for this reason

NP here who has a 2 year old and another on the way. We had some fertility challenges and I was so desperate for my first child. The second came much easier than I expected and I, too, had some intensely mixed feelings upon seeing the positive test. I was actually crying to DH last night about my insecurities as a parent. He's the most committed, selfless father who loves every second of parenting. I do not love every second of parenting, and, while I love my DD to pieces, I don't find myself waiting eagerly for her to wake up in the morning/from naps, etc. the way he does. I'm looking forward to seeing my daughter as a big sister, and looking forward to the sibling relationship I hope to be able to cultivate in my kids, and I'm happy to know I'll have two grown children someday, but I can't say I'm approaching the next couple of years without some trepidation and insecurity about my ability to really enjoy parenting two little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my 6 year old. I enjoy building with him, playing games with him, helpinghis Cub Scout Den out, baking with him, reading to him and all that. I would be devestated if anything happened to him. Utterly devestated.

I also knew right away I did not want a second child. I never struggled with dropping him off at day care. Honestly, I beat myself up because I was happy to go back to work. I knew he was in a great program and that we had worked our schedules so he would only be there for 6 hours a day. And I really liked being around adults and adult conversation, such as it is.

And as much as I love my child, I know that I would have been happy if I hadn’t had a child. I don’t feel like there would have been this gaping void in my life. I totally get my friends who have chosen not to have kids. I don’t think they are making a mistake or a missing out on something.

I would fall a part of anything happened tomy little man. I love the sound of his giggle and his snuggles. I cherish carrying him to bed and being with him. Another part of me understands that there is life without kids. Don’t dread his growing up.

Is that what you mean?

This is exactly how I feel and mine is 7. Exactly. I think part of the problem is social media. People I know post pictures of when their kids were babies and caption it with “oh, how I would give anything to go back in time and cuddle this little baby! My baby is growing up too fast! Make time slow down!” . And here I am not being able to identify with that at all. I’m fine with my kid growing up. That’s what he’s supposed to do. I’m more excited to see what the future holds for him than wishing I could go back in time and that he would stay little forever. I think because social media is in our face so much it makes us compare ourselves to others and then we feel like we’re the outliers when it’s a completely normal way to feel.

Eh, I think they're mourning their own aging, not their child's. This is how I feel -- I don't really want to have babies again, it's just that acknowledging their growth means acknowledging my own mortality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW OP, I have a 2 year old and a second on the way and I feel like you too. This decision to have a second one was agonizing in a way that deciding to have the first was not - I sobbed when I got the positive test. Deciding to do it anyway was rooted primarily in wanting to have two grown children someday, tbh with you. I may still end up regretting it. I would probably not admit this out loud.

This is the PP with the almost two year old. If we have a second, it would be for the exact same reason, really.

Another poster who feels the same way and will probably have a second for this reason

NP here who has a 2 year old and another on the way. We had some fertility challenges and I was so desperate for my first child. The second came much easier than I expected and I, too, had some intensely mixed feelings upon seeing the positive test. I was actually crying to DH last night about my insecurities as a parent. He's the most committed, selfless father who loves every second of parenting. I do not love every second of parenting, and, while I love my DD to pieces, I don't find myself waiting eagerly for her to wake up in the morning/from naps, etc. the way he does. I'm looking forward to seeing my daughter as a big sister, and looking forward to the sibling relationship I hope to be able to cultivate in my kids, and I'm happy to know I'll have two grown children someday, but I can't say I'm approaching the next couple of years without some trepidation and insecurity about my ability to really enjoy parenting two little kids.

So your husband never wants to just sleep in and then go out to a lazy brunch, or eat a quiet peaceful breakfast, instead of taking care of a 2-year-old? He never wants to lay around all afternoon then go to happy hour and dinner, instead of spending the evening with a 2-year-old? Never ever?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my 6 year old. I enjoy building with him, playing games with him, helpinghis Cub Scout Den out, baking with him, reading to him and all that. I would be devestated if anything happened to him. Utterly devestated.

I also knew right away I did not want a second child. I never struggled with dropping him off at day care. Honestly, I beat myself up because I was happy to go back to work. I knew he was in a great program and that we had worked our schedules so he would only be there for 6 hours a day. And I really liked being around adults and adult conversation, such as it is.

And as much as I love my child, I know that I would have been happy if I hadn’t had a child. I don’t feel like there would have been this gaping void in my life. I totally get my friends who have chosen not to have kids. I don’t think they are making a mistake or a missing out on something.

I would fall a part of anything happened tomy little man. I love the sound of his giggle and his snuggles. I cherish carrying him to bed and being with him. Another part of me understands that there is life without kids. Don’t dread his growing up.

Is that what you mean?

This is exactly how I feel and mine is 7. Exactly. I think part of the problem is social media. People I know post pictures of when their kids were babies and caption it with “oh, how I would give anything to go back in time and cuddle this little baby! My baby is growing up too fast! Make time slow down!” . And here I am not being able to identify with that at all. I’m fine with my kid growing up. That’s what he’s supposed to do. I’m more excited to see what the future holds for him than wishing I could go back in time and that he would stay little forever. I think because social media is in our face so much it makes us compare ourselves to others and then we feel like we’re the outliers when it’s a completely normal way to feel.

So do you truly never wish you could go back and hold your little baby for a few minutes? And do you think people literally mean they would want their children to stay little forever? Genuinely curious. I don’t think anyone would actually want to take care of a little baby forever, or is truly sad that their child is growing up, but maybe I’m wrong...?

Different poster - I don't really wish I could go back and hold my child as a baby, cute as he was. I didn't enjoy the baby period and was glad to go back to work. I really only started to enjoy parenthood once my child was interactive. I have a toddler and a baby now and I am waiting anxiously for the baby to get older. Maybe I'll feel differently when the kids are teenagers.

[Anonymous]

You're totally normal. Not everyone has to like every stage. You might love elementary school kids or teens or even 20 year olds.

I'm not really down with the whole kid friendly thing either. I have 3 kids, but really they are just part of my family. DH and I are the couple and they just do activities with us. We don't go to kid friendly restaurants and avoid everything so our kids can nap. I love absolutely EVERYTHING about newborn-age 1 though. Even waking up with itty bitty newborns is amazing to me. I felt like the baby whisperer. Toddlerhood has been more about molding and shaping toddler minds, more challenging.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the heart of your issue is that you don’t want another child and you feel like that means there’s something wrong with you as a mother. That and sometimes playing with kids is tedious and not all that much fun. You’re fine. You don’t need to unpack anything.

[Anonymous]

I did not. But that’s why I didn’t have any.

[Anonymous]

Ummm, loving your child *is* locking in to motherhood. Not enjoying Chuck E Cheese or dumb children's books is perfectly normal. Stick around for a while, he'll be changing all the time and so will his activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW OP, I have a 2 year old and a second on the way and I feel like you too. This decision to have a second one was agonizing in a way that deciding to have the first was not - I sobbed when I got the positive test. Deciding to do it anyway was rooted primarily in wanting to have two grown children someday, tbh with you. I may still end up regretting it. I would probably not admit this out loud.

This is the PP with the almost two year old. If we have a second, it would be for the exact same reason, really.

Another poster who feels the same way and will probably have a second for this reason

NP here who has a 2 year old and another on the way. We had some fertility challenges and I was so desperate for my first child. The second came much easier than I expected and I, too, had some intensely mixed feelings upon seeing the positive test. I was actually crying to DH last night about my insecurities as a parent. He's the most committed, selfless father who loves every second of parenting. I do not love every second of parenting, and, while I love my DD to pieces, I don't find myself waiting eagerly for her to wake up in the morning/from naps, etc. the way he does. I'm looking forward to seeing my daughter as a big sister, and looking forward to the sibling relationship I hope to be able to cultivate in my kids, and I'm happy to know I'll have two grown children someday, but I can't say I'm approaching the next couple of years without some trepidation and insecurity about my ability to really enjoy parenting two little kids.

So your husband never wants to just sleep in and then go out to a lazy brunch, or eat a quiet peaceful breakfast, instead of taking care of a 2-year-old? He never wants to lay around all afternoon then go to happy hour and dinner, instead of spending the evening with a 2-year-old? Never ever?

Honestly, kind of never ever. Occasionally he'll want to sleep in, but I'm talking maybe a handful of times since she's been born. He doesn't voluntarily go for brunch or happy hour and dinner instead of spending time with her. She's an easy toddler and is happy to sit at brunch or whatever, but we've never had a babysitter put her to sleep. She goes to bed early (6pm) so he will go out after she goes to bed, but the only thing that he really *needs* to do without her is work. It works out well for me since I feel like I have him as a built in babysitter if I want to stay out after work! And since she goes to bed so early we still have time alone as a couple. He comes from a much less stable upbringing than I come from and I know he feels incredibly lucky to have such a solid home life and family now, and he's also terrified of repeating negative and neglectful behaviors of his own dad, but, like I mentioned in my previous post, the very high standard he sets can make me feel very insecure/inadequate as a parent sometimes.