Anyone NEVER lock in to motherhood?

[Anonymous]

Same.

Love my 4 yo but at the same time don’t really like being a parent, but at the same time wish time would slow down. Cannot imagine having more than 1.

[Anonymous]

Me. I’m a single mom to a now 10yo. It’s just SO HARD and not very fun. 8 more years till he’s off on his own.

[Anonymous]

I love my 6 year old. I enjoy building with him, playing games with him, helpinghis Cub Scout Den out, baking with him, reading to him and all that. I would be devestated if anything happened to him. Utterly devestated.

I also knew right away I did not want a second child. I never struggled with dropping him off at day care. Honestly, I beat myself up because I was happy to go back to work. I knew he was in a great program and that we had worked our schedules so he would only be there for 6 hours a day. And I really liked being around adults and adult conversation, such as it is.

And as much as I love my child, I know that I would have been happy if I hadn’t had a child. I don’t feel like there would have been this gaping void in my life. I totally get my friends who have chosen not to have kids. I don’t think they are making a mistake or a missing out on something.

I would fall a part of anything happened tomy little man. I love the sound of his giggle and his snuggles. I cherish carrying him to bed and being with him. Another part of me understands that there is life without kids. Don’t dread his growing up.

Is that what you mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my 6 year old. I enjoy building with him, playing games with him, helpinghis Cub Scout Den out, baking with him, reading to him and all that. I would be devestated if anything happened to him. Utterly devestated.

I also knew right away I did not want a second child. I never struggled with dropping him off at day care. Honestly, I beat myself up because I was happy to go back to work. I knew he was in a great program and that we had worked our schedules so he would only be there for 6 hours a day. And I really liked being around adults and adult conversation, such as it is.

And as much as I love my child, I know that I would have been happy if I hadn’t had a child. I don’t feel like there would have been this gaping void in my life. I totally get my friends who have chosen not to have kids. I don’t think they are making a mistake or a missing out on something.

I would fall a part of anything happened tomy little man. I love the sound of his giggle and his snuggles. I cherish carrying him to bed and being with him. Another part of me understands that there is life without kids. Don’t dread his growing up.

Is that what you mean?

This is exactly how I feel and mine is 7. Exactly. I think part of the problem is social media. People I know post pictures of when their kids were babies and caption it with “oh, how I would give anything to go back in time and cuddle this little baby! My baby is growing up too fast! Make time slow down!” . And here I am not being able to identify with that at all. I’m fine with my kid growing up. That’s what he’s supposed to do. I’m more excited to see what the future holds for him than wishing I could go back in time and that he would stay little forever. I think because social media is in our face so much it makes us compare ourselves to others and then we feel like we’re the outliers when it’s a completely normal way to feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my 6 year old. I enjoy building with him, playing games with him, helpinghis Cub Scout Den out, baking with him, reading to him and all that. I would be devestated if anything happened to him. Utterly devestated.

I also knew right away I did not want a second child. I never struggled with dropping him off at day care. Honestly, I beat myself up because I was happy to go back to work. I knew he was in a great program and that we had worked our schedules so he would only be there for 6 hours a day. And I really liked being around adults and adult conversation, such as it is.

And as much as I love my child, I know that I would have been happy if I hadn’t had a child. I don’t feel like there would have been this gaping void in my life. I totally get my friends who have chosen not to have kids. I don’t think they are making a mistake or a missing out on something.

I would fall a part of anything happened tomy little man. I love the sound of his giggle and his snuggles. I cherish carrying him to bed and being with him. Another part of me understands that there is life without kids. Don’t dread his growing up.

Is that what you mean?

This is exactly how I feel and mine is 7. Exactly. I think part of the problem is social media. People I know post pictures of when their kids were babies and caption it with “oh, how I would give anything to go back in time and cuddle this little baby! My baby is growing up too fast! Make time slow down!” . And here I am not being able to identify with that at all. I’m fine with my kid growing up. That’s what he’s supposed to do. I’m more excited to see what the future holds for him than wishing I could go back in time and that he would stay little forever. I think because social media is in our face so much it makes us compare ourselves to others and then we feel like we’re the outliers when it’s a completely normal way to feel.

So do you truly never wish you could go back and hold your little baby for a few minutes? And do you think people literally mean they would want their children to stay little forever? Genuinely curious. I don’t think anyone would actually want to take care of a little baby forever, or is truly sad that their child is growing up, but maybe I’m wrong...?

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way. What really blows my mind is friends who have quit their jobs and sacrificed financially so they came stay home with kids. They want to stay home with kids so badly that they don’t mind NOT contributing to retirement, rarely shopping, limited vacations, etc. They’ve given up their identity as well and they don’t even mind. I could never do that.

[Anonymous]

What is the definition of motherhood? Because in 2019 I have come to think the definition includes feelings of inadequacy over not living up to some ideal.

I think it's way overdue for a more inclusive, honest, and accurate of motherhood that accounts for the the diverse, complex women that are making it work for themselves and their children. And the fact that parenting kids is hard work, and some skillset and personalities mesh better than others.

[Anonymous]

I totally feel this way. I am not naturally a nurturer at all. I don’t go out of my way to talk to people’s kids or hold babies throughout the day. I prefer being around adults. I love my kids, and I do all the responsible, caring things they need, but I do think certain personalities are just more naturally suited to parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally feel this way. I am not naturally a nurturer at all. I don’t go out of my way to talk to people’s kids or hold babies throughout the day. I prefer being around adults. I love my kids, and I do all the responsible, caring things they need, but I do think certain personalities are just more naturally suited to parenting.

Who are these people who are going out of their way to talk to children or hold babies throughout the day...? What person seriously prefers hanging out with children to hanging out with adults? I think you guys have invented some kind of mother figure that doesn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally feel this way. I am not naturally a nurturer at all. I don’t go out of my way to talk to people’s kids or hold babies throughout the day. I prefer being around adults. I love my kids, and I do all the responsible, caring things they need, but I do think certain personalities are just more naturally suited to parenting.

Who are these people who are going out of their way to talk to children or hold babies throughout the day...? What person seriously prefers hanging out with children to hanging out with adults? I think you guys have invented some kind of mother figure that doesn’t exist.

PP here: I meant that I don’t generally talk to children in public or hold friends‘ babies. For example, my sister is very nurturing and always talks to children at the grocery store, in line at Starbucks, etc. My friend visits and wants to hold the baby and play with him.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. The baby/toddler stage was traumatizing to me. I didn't deal with it very well. So every time I hear about someone having kid #2 (or 3), I wonder "why would someone deliberately go through that again?!?!"

And then I remind myself that everyone isn't like me.

I love DD more than my own life, but I'm happily one and done. And I still look forward to when she goes to bed so that I can zone out for a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my 6 year old. I enjoy building with him, playing games with him, helpinghis Cub Scout Den out, baking with him, reading to him and all that. I would be devestated if anything happened to him. Utterly devestated.

I also knew right away I did not want a second child. I never struggled with dropping him off at day care. Honestly, I beat myself up because I was happy to go back to work. I knew he was in a great program and that we had worked our schedules so he would only be there for 6 hours a day. And I really liked being around adults and adult conversation, such as it is.

And as much as I love my child, I know that I would have been happy if I hadn’t had a child. I don’t feel like there would have been this gaping void in my life. I totally get my friends who have chosen not to have kids. I don’t think they are making a mistake or a missing out on something.

I would fall a part of anything happened tomy little man. I love the sound of his giggle and his snuggles. I cherish carrying him to bed and being with him. Another part of me understands that there is life without kids. Don’t dread his growing up.

Is that what you mean?

This is EXACTLY me. Thank you for posting. I don’t know anyone who I feel like I can’t be like, um yes dropping off at daycare is fine with me. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused - what is it you think other parents feel? What does “locked in” mean? You sound like you love your son and are a thoughtful, responsible parent. Is there supposed to be something more to it than that? I would describe myself as someone who loves being a mother, and I do think having my children is a central purpose of my life, but I’m also so so relieved when bedtime is done, and I’m super looking forward to them going off to college.

+1

You keep saying “locked in” - wtf is that?
Doesn’t every mother love when her children are sleeping? Yes, it’s the favorite part of all of our days. And it doesn’t indicate anything other than you’re just like the rest of us

Don’t over analyze, or get all insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally feel this way. I am not naturally a nurturer at all. I don’t go out of my way to talk to people’s kids or hold babies throughout the day. I prefer being around adults. I love my kids, and I do all the responsible, caring things they need, but I do think certain personalities are just more naturally suited to parenting.

Who are these people who are going out of their way to talk to children or hold babies throughout the day...? What person seriously prefers hanging out with children to hanging out with adults? I think you guys have invented some kind of mother figure that doesn’t exist.

I think this as well. People are feeling inadequate and comparing themselves to a figure they have invented in their head. Or maybe a “super mom” they saw on Instagram or whatever. I know no one who wants to hold babies throughout the day. I think we are all
Pretty similar, some people just feel self conscious about it.

[Anonymous]

FWIW OP, I have a 2 year old and a second on the way and I feel like you too. This decision to have a second one was agonizing in a way that deciding to have the first was not - I sobbed when I got the positive test. Deciding to do it anyway was rooted primarily in wanting to have two grown children someday, tbh with you. I may still end up regretting it. I would probably not admit this out loud.