Guys: how often do you need sex with your wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need is bit of a stretch.

You mean want.

Point taken, but I don't think it's binary. It's not a "need" in the sense that, say, oxygen is a need. But, at the same time, going long enough without sex has adverse consequences on my marriage and probably everyone's. It's not a "want" in the same way, having pancakes sometimes is a want. I mean, I could go the rest of my life without pancakes and not really diminish my life in any appreciable way even though I want pancakes from time to time. Sex is somewhere in the middle.

My teen thinks fortnite is a need too and it adversely affects our relationship when I take it away.
Mits not a need dude you just act like an a$$ when you don't get what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Low 40's, married 15+ years. In my 20's 1-2 times a day, 30's every other day, now 3 times a week. Wife has low drive, sometimes only once a week, past that and I'm on edge. Ladies if you don't ever want sex, stay single.

Most of us start out wanting plenty of sex. By the time we're in our 50s or so, many of us don't have much desire for it any more--the hormones are gone. That's my story, anyway. Married 30 years and have sex once a week or so even though I don't really want it because I love my husband and it's important to him. You're saying I should have stayed single?

Is once per week really enough for a healthy male? You can't find an extra 20 minutes per week to keep him happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need is bit of a stretch.

You mean want.

Point taken, but I don't think it's binary. It's not a "need" in the sense that, say, oxygen is a need. But, at the same time, going long enough without sex has adverse consequences on my marriage and probably everyone's. It's not a "want" in the same way, having pancakes sometimes is a want. I mean, I could go the rest of my life without pancakes and not really diminish my life in any appreciable way even though I want pancakes from time to time. Sex is somewhere in the middle.

My teen thinks fortnite is a need too and it adversely affects our relationship when I take it away.
Mits not a need dude you just act like an a$$ when you don't get what you want.

My wife claims that emotional support and me wanting to "hear about her day" is a need too. Sorry, those are wants, and I only do those things when I damned well please. Twice per month is plenty for me. She acts like such a be-atch when I don't do those things more, like that's REALLY going to make me want to spend quality time with her!! I forbid her from going elsewhere for emotional support or quality talking, 'cause you know that is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need is bit of a stretch.

You mean want.

Point taken, but I don't think it's binary. It's not a "need" in the sense that, say, oxygen is a need. But, at the same time, going long enough without sex has adverse consequences on my marriage and probably everyone's. It's not a "want" in the same way, having pancakes sometimes is a want. I mean, I could go the rest of my life without pancakes and not really diminish my life in any appreciable way even though I want pancakes from time to time. Sex is somewhere in the middle.

My teen thinks fortnite is a need too and it adversely affects our relationship when I take it away.
Mits not a need dude you just act like an a$$ when you don't get what you want.

My wife claims that emotional support and me wanting to "hear about her day" is a need too. Sorry, those are wants, and I only do those things when I damned well please. Twice per month is plenty for me. She acts like such a be-atch when I don't do those things more, like that's REALLY going to make me want to spend quality time with her!! I forbid her from going elsewhere for emotional support or quality talking, 'cause you know that is cheating.

She is using the word "need" to manipulate you. It's not a need. It's a want and she bought some book about love languages or some other crap pop psychology that talked about emotional needs. They also use the word incorrectly.

She sounds like a spoiled bitch. My condolences.

You both are terribly controlling and manipulative... birds of a feather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need is bit of a stretch.

You mean want.

Point taken, but I don't think it's binary. It's not a "need" in the sense that, say, oxygen is a need. But, at the same time, going long enough without sex has adverse consequences on my marriage and probably everyone's. It's not a "want" in the same way, having pancakes sometimes is a want. I mean, I could go the rest of my life without pancakes and not really diminish my life in any appreciable way even though I want pancakes from time to time. Sex is somewhere in the middle.

My teen thinks fortnite is a need too and it adversely affects our relationship when I take it away.
Mits not a need dude you just act like an a$$ when you don't get what you want.

My wife claims that emotional support and me wanting to "hear about her day" is a need too. Sorry, those are wants, and I only do those things when I damned well please. Twice per month is plenty for me. She acts like such a be-atch when I don't do those things more, like that's REALLY going to make me want to spend quality time with her!! I forbid her from going elsewhere for emotional support or quality talking, 'cause you know that is cheating.

She is using the word "need" to manipulate you. It's not a need. It's a want and she bought some book about love languages or some other crap pop psychology that talked about emotional needs. They also use the word incorrectly.

She sounds like a spoiled bitch. My condolences.

You both are terribly controlling and manipulative... birds of a feather.

You clearly missed the sarcasm. Let me spell it out for you: sex (for men) is a NEED (not a want) that's equivalent to emotional support (for women). Men or women who fail to recognize the legitimacy of their partner's needs, and don't happily meet this need on a regular basis, deserve the inevitable consequences (affairs and divorce).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need is bit of a stretch.

You mean want.

Point taken, but I don't think it's binary. It's not a "need" in the sense that, say, oxygen is a need. But, at the same time, going long enough without sex has adverse consequences on my marriage and probably everyone's. It's not a "want" in the same way, having pancakes sometimes is a want. I mean, I could go the rest of my life without pancakes and not really diminish my life in any appreciable way even though I want pancakes from time to time. Sex is somewhere in the middle.

My teen thinks fortnite is a need too and it adversely affects our relationship when I take it away.
Mits not a need dude you just act like an a$$ when you don't get what you want.

My wife claims that emotional support and me wanting to "hear about her day" is a need too. Sorry, those are wants, and I only do those things when I damned well please. Twice per month is plenty for me. She acts like such a be-atch when I don't do those things more, like that's REALLY going to make me want to spend quality time with her!! I forbid her from going elsewhere for emotional support or quality talking, 'cause you know that is cheating.

She is using the word "need" to manipulate you. It's not a need. It's a want and she bought some book about love languages or some other crap pop psychology that talked about emotional needs. They also use the word incorrectly.

She sounds like a spoiled bitch. My condolences.

You both are terribly controlling and manipulative... birds of a feather.

You clearly missed the sarcasm. Let me spell it out for you: sex (for men) is a NEED (not a want) that's equivalent to emotional support (for women). Men or women who fail to recognize the legitimacy of their partner's needs, and don't happily meet this need on a regular basis, deserve the inevitable consequences (affairs and divorce).

or you missed mine.

sex is a want
so is emotional support, most women get it from friends

It's okay to have wants but don't act like you can't control your actions because your wants are not met.

[Anonymous]

To the above bickering posters - while it may be arguable that physical and emotional intimacy are human wants (vs. needs), a healthy relationship definitely needs both. Not sure any of that is what this post is actually about.

Answering for my husband, I’d guess he would have no upper limit on sex, ideally maybe once a day or so? Reality is I try to initiate maybe 2-4 times a week; one week out of the month ends up mostly BJs because I don’t want to deal with period mess. I think he is happy with it, while realizing he likely wouldn’t say no to more.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't know. I've been in a dead bedroom so long, I don't think I even know what my ideal preference would be. And quality matters more than quantity.

If it were fully engaged sex where she's present, I think a few times a month would be fine. I'm sure I bear a lot of blame for not making that happen, and I'm game to rebuild a physical connection again from the ground up. But I can't really do that on my own.

[Anonymous]

late-40's couple. Two kids, high school age

We get up at 530am, kids up at 6

Breakfast, walk dog, everyone out the door by 7

At work at 8-830

Work until 530-6

Pick up one kid from atheletics 4x per week at 630

Home at 7

Dinner at 730-745

Exhausted by 830

Sound asleep by 9




When does that leave any time for sex?

[Anonymous]

Few times a month normal PIV. twice weekly BJ. Few times a month for various other things/acts. All told works out to maybe 3-4x a week on average.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:late-40's couple. Two kids, high school age

We get up at 530am, kids up at 6

Breakfast, walk dog, everyone out the door by 7

At work at 8-830

Work until 530-6

Pick up one kid from atheletics 4x per week at 630

Home at 7

Dinner at 730-745

Exhausted by 830

Sound asleep by 9




When does that leave any time for sex?

Once per week, I think you can live on only 8 hours sleep, instead of your usual 8.5 hours. Get up at 5, or stay up till 9:30 whatever works best. Plus there is saturday and sunday.

So there you go, sex 3X per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:late-40's couple. Two kids, high school age

We get up at 530am, kids up at 6

Breakfast, walk dog, everyone out the door by 7

At work at 8-830

Work until 530-6

Pick up one kid from atheletics 4x per week at 630

Home at 7

Dinner at 730-745

Exhausted by 830

Sound asleep by 9




When does that leave any time for sex?

Our lives are quite similar except we don’t have a dog. But we have sex 2-3 times a week usually starting with a nice hot shower together or a nice bath for me while my DH closes up the house and makes sure the kids are asleep. I’m so relaxed after the bath plus “ready” that l love climbing into our bed. Our lights are out by 10:30 and I sleep like a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:late-40's couple. Two kids, high school age

We get up at 530am, kids up at 6

Breakfast, walk dog, everyone out the door by 7

At work at 8-830

Work until 530-6

Pick up one kid from atheletics 4x per week at 630

Home at 7

Dinner at 730-745

Exhausted by 830

Sound asleep by 9




When does that leave any time for sex?

So picking up your high school kids from athletics is exhausting even though you get plenty of sleep? Not to be snarky but it sounds like something's going on with your energy levels. Are you in shape? Your work hours are normal, you sleep enough, you don't have any strenuous activities (except for driving a teenager). I don't get it. You have from 9-11 at night to get something going on and still get plenty of sleep. I can't believe you're actually asking when there is time for sex. Working couples with kids would kill to have your schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:late-40's couple. Two kids, high school age

We get up at 530am, kids up at 6

Breakfast, walk dog, everyone out the door by 7

At work at 8-830

Work until 530-6

Pick up one kid from atheletics 4x per week at 630

Home at 7

Dinner at 730-745

Exhausted by 830

Sound asleep by 9




When does that leave any time for sex?

Wait! You have teenagers and you are home by 7 each night...and you're asking when there is time for sex? Something isn't right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:late-40's couple. Two kids, high school age

We get up at 530am, kids up at 6

Breakfast, walk dog, everyone out the door by 7

At work at 8-830

Work until 530-6

Pick up one kid from atheletics 4x per week at 630

Home at 7

Dinner at 730-745

Exhausted by 830

Sound asleep by 9




When does that leave any time for sex?

Wait! You have teenagers and you are home by 7 each night...and you're asking when there is time for sex? Something isn't right here.

The wife with no sex drive wrote this post. Her DH takes care of himself nightly from 9-10pm, unless he is having an affair.

Seriously, how can women be this clueless about normal male sexuality?