Do I have a husband problem or a money problem?

[Anonymous]

If your income is unstable....then you should save. You want to take on more debt after already paying 900 in student loans per month? Now, I am of a mind that if you have debt you don't travel and do much else. This was how I grew up, there were no cc and student loans in my country, you either had money or you didn't. If you had money you did things and if you didn't you stayed at home. This was in Eastern Europe, now you can have credit cards there, but many just draw out of their accounts, not like here. Now, I do travel and put things on CC and have some cc debt, but we have a lot of money in real-estate, meaning we paid cash for it that we saved and our income is good. You are renting, so you don't even own.
How much are you saving per month? Answer that, and we'll tell you if your lifestyle expectations are realistic.

[Anonymous]

Long past due is a talk on short term and long term financial goals and priorities. Do you have a budget? Emergency savings? Money being put away for retirement? Debts paid off? If you are planning to start a family, then it is not practical to increase debt, when extra savings are needed.

I would continue to focus on increasing your income, and then also discussing 'play money.' Even if your play money is $100 a month, get creative in finding ways to spruce up your living space. Hunt for free finds online. Check out thrift stores. Paint items to make them coordinate.

Work on your feelings about having less than those around you. Work on being content with what you have, along with a plan to achieve goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that my DH and I are not on the same page about things that I wish was a priority for both of us. I find that I am unable to live and do things I want because my DH is always so discouraging and does so by citing our financial limitations. I think with creativity and prioritizing we can live frugally hit also do things that make me happy. He thinks since we aren’t rich we should essentially live like hermits.

You basically expect him to sacrifice for your priorities/things he could care less about but you aren’t figuring out how to step up your game to afford them or prioritize your priorities and let go of some of the other things. I would also add that no matter how creative and frugal you are, you can’t fund an expensive grad degree, have children and pay for childcare, take 3 trips a year, eat organic, and furnish your home with new matching furniture all at the same time with the financials you have. In fact, if you were single on what you alone make with the unstable contracting gig you wouldn’t even be contemplating all of that - so while you say your DH is holding you back, he actually isn’t.

I would say take a step back and figure out what sacrifices YOU will make (not DH) for your prioritized list of priorities. If travel is most important, negotiate with DH and say, when I get a higher paying job or second job, I’d like to set aside a certain % for travel and some to pay down our debts from the additional money. If an advanced degree is your priority, look into jobs that have tuition reimbursement as a benefit and value employees going for further education. If furniture is the most important, see if a second job at a furniture store in order to get a discount and bring in the income to pay for the furniture. To me that is what it means to do this with creativity and prioritizing, not just taking away something the other person wants to get what you want.

[Anonymous]

Travel? What do you get at the end of traveling? More bills. Take that money and instead of renting, buy a house. Renting is throwing your money out the window.

I do think furthing your education is a good idea.

DH is a little cheap.

[Anonymous]

I think you should see a fee based financial advisor together. DH and I did this after we got married. It helped because it was a neutral but informed advisor. Together we set goals and budgets that respected most of our priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were your mediator I’d say:
-Buy your organic food/vegetables.
-Don’t take out any student loans unless it increases your earning potential and you can commit to staying in the workforce. Take some online classes on coursera instead. You want to contribute to the financial health of the relationship and student loans could make that very difficult.
-Buy some used art.
-Try to travel affordably. Visit friends/family in other cities. Drive instead of fly. Convince him to go on one trip rather than making it about keeping up with friends who travel often.

Your DH sounds reasonable to me honestly. Have you considered finding more stable work to bring in a more consistent income? It’s alot easier to win this argument with your DH if you start bringing in more money.

Bingo! Her DH is probably like this because she doesn’t bring in a decent consistent income and he probably feels an unproportionate share of the burden. That combined with him being more frugal than her = trouble. Neither of you is wrong, per se, but your issue is that your goals are not compatible and you don’t seem to be an equal financial contributor in trying to make this “better” life for yourselves.

[Anonymous]

you have an attitude problem. Everything was framed as what I want vs how your husband doesn't agree (and provides an alternative). You sound like a spoiled child.

[Anonymous]

Yup, it's your attitude. Stop thinking that being a certain age entitles you to a certain lifestyle. It doesn't. Stop thinking that other people having money means you can spend like you have it too. Being young and healthy does not entitle you to travel if it isn't financially responsible to do so.

Start thinking about how you're going to provide for your family, care for your children, and attain your goals, the #1 goal being retirement security. You can still find a way to eat well, travel, and decorate if you want to. But you need to look at it like an adult.

[Anonymous]

If your DH thwarts you, get a better paying job so your financial situation resolves. If your plan was to marry into the lifestyle you want, you chose incorrectly.

[Anonymous]

And OP nowhere in sight to answer how much are they saving per month. Simple question really. If they are saving 2k per month, then go to a spa or do something nice once in a while, if you are not saving a penny, where is the money for finery and travel coming from?

[Anonymous]

You sound like a dimwit esp about the student loan debt. You should divorce & mate with some one who shares your values. You guys will never agree.

[Anonymous]

The OP is so delusional that if it wasn't for the stuff about the foods, I'd seriously think that OP was the other partner trying to get a bunch of responses to show his/her delusional spouse.

[Anonymous]

Op, you seem to want a life *you* haven't earned. He may have earned it, but you haven't. You can't support yourself. It doesn't look like you could support yourself from the info you have posted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP is so delusional that if it wasn't for the stuff about the foods, I'd seriously think that OP was the other partner trying to get a bunch of responses to show his/her delusional spouse.

Scratch that. I'm the PP, just read the OP again, and I'm now completely convinced that the OP was posted by the spouse from the perspective of the delusional spouse.

Or it's just a troll entirely. NOBODY speaks like that and thinks like that.

[Anonymous]

You are being unrealistic about the education. Say you apply, get in get a higher paying job. Unfortunately you’ll be at that age of having to not delay getting pregnant. So you get pregnant. Now childcare is adding $16k-$24k a year. You’re not on the fast track at work. Believe me, during those infancy and toddler years, you are not being a superstar at work. Between all the childcare demands at home before, after work, the waking up at nights due to pumping, breastfeeding, kid cries for no reason, you’re not on top of your game at work. Forget getting promotions. It’s just the reality. Hell yeah he has a point and there’s a good chance the scenario he worries will happen. And I’m a DW saying this.

You have more expensive tastes than your husband. With your HHI age life jobs and other stuff, your husband is being the wise one. But hey, if he does not value organic or travel or other things that are important to you, you’ll be fighting about this even when HHI turns into a solid 200k. You have more expensive tastes but you cannot comfortably fund them. I don’t say this lightly, but you might be better off achieving what you want by trying to remarry to someone who earns a whole lot more. Please do it now, before kids.