Do I have a husband problem or a money problem?
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Anonymous
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I’m 39 and for the first time will be buying furniture that hasn’t come from someone else. And let me tell you. I live in a decently low COL area and to furnish a finished basement and guest bedroom alone it’s several thousand dollars. I’m not a Pottery Barn snob either. Do you even understand what things cost?
I read this and all I see is that you essentially want to hemorrhage money. Lots and lots of money. In every direction. With no concrete plan or reason other than “I want to!” I am on Team DH here. |
Anonymous
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Neither.
You have a YOU problem! While your husband might be overly conservative, that can be ameliorated. Or dealt with or changed without too much difficulty over time. You, on the other hand, seem to want to live a lifestyle of your imagination. And you need to stop it. Simply put, your husband lives in reality; you live in fantasy. |
Anonymous
| I suggest you get a 2nd job while you don’t have kids...evenings/weekends and pay for your food, furniture and travel fund. School? Unless the ROI is high, I’d pass on that one. |
Anonymous
| Don’t have children |
Anonymous
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OP, some of your desires are contradictory. You want to go to school and take on debt, but at the same time you want to upgrade your furniture and living situation. If you are going to be in school, the financial wisdom is that you need to live like a student. Students don't travel the world, so do you want to travel or do you want to get an education? (What do you want to get a degree in?)
That said, there are creative ways to get ahold of nicer stuff. Craigslist and FreeCycle. Yard sales. Goodwill and similar places. Cruise wealthy neighborhoods the night before trash pick-up. At the end of spring semester, drive through the neighborhoods near GU and other schools and see what nice things students are tossing because they're graduating. Resand/repaint things that you have. There are a million ways to create cheap art for your walls. I don't know what you mean about things lining the walls of your apartment. Why don't you start a thread in the housing decor forum and you will get tons of ideas. That said, you and your husband seem to be in wildly different places as far as how you want to live your lives. Since you don't have children, maybe you should rethink whether you want to try to make a life with him or look for someone more compatible. |
Anonymous
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For the furniture problem, just drive around Capitol Hill and other nice neighborhoods on the weekends: people give away boatloads of nice, free furniture and all kinds of other household goods. Check out nextdoor and the newhilleast Facebook page for updates.
As far as student debt, really depends on how much and what industry you’re talking. I took on six figures ten years ago at your age to go to law school and I do make six figures now, but that debt has felt like a dead weight on me the last few years. If I could go back, I would have worked smarter to figure out a way to avoid them, even if it meant not going to law school. I regret it. For that reason, I see where your DH is coming from. He just wants to get out of debt before committing to more spending. |
Anonymous
What kind of degree do you want to pursue and his will it help you afford the lifestyle you want give all of the debt you would have to incur? |
Anonymous
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I agree with the PP who says your DH is living in reality, and you are in la la land. Do not go for an advanced degree - it is a waste of money. Your DH does not want to add your loans on top of everything else he is paying for. He sees the future - you will get an advanced degree, decide you want kids now, decide you need to SAH, and then he will then be stuck with your loans as well. Get a better paying job - and then reassess your budget.
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Anonymous
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OP - I think you are living in a bit of a fantasy and your DH is probably more practical.
However, there's nothing wrong with wanting to prioritize your health but on your budget you need to become a super meal planner, couponer, app user and sale shopper to eat organic. There's a reason Whole Foods' nickname is Whole Paycheck. You need to be shopping the sales on organic at the regular and discount stores. Go on double coupon days, start clipping coupons, get on the store lists for their coupons, etc. Watch every penny. On graduate school, what is the degree you would like to get and where do you live? Both VA and MD have strong state universities with part-time programs that shouldn't run you anywhere near $200k. Before you pursue a graduate degree get a job with a large corporation that offers tuition reimbursement. That will at least help with some of the costs. Once you are there, do an amazing job and network with your bosses. If you are excelling that will open a lot of doors for you to get an exec to sponsor you to move from an admin role into whatever field you are pursuing in your masters program. |
Anonymous
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Team DH. OP, you need to understand that your desires are not going to be realistic on your income if you want to have children. You say you're "happy" to pay off student loans over your lifetime, but they might be more than you can afford on your salary! It doesn't matter if you're "happy", it matters if you can afford it. What you've written here shows that you don't seem to have any concept of the long term. You haven't listed assets at all-- do you have any? Do you have any retirement savings in your budget? Because if you have kids you'll be paying for daycare and you'll come out of those years in your late 30s with hardly any savings for a home, retirement, or college. That's not a good idea.
Focus on getting a better paying job. Meanwhile, you need to read up on financial concepts so that you understand what it really means to make responsible choices. Try to think about the long term. When do you want to have children, and how much will it cost in your area for daycare? Think realistically about your goals and make a plan to get there. Right now you're all "I want, I want" and no real analysis. Your DH is right to be concerned. You don't seem to understand what a life within your means would be like. He probably feels like he has to put the brakes on you now before you end up in a bad situation down the line. If you go into the childbearing years with no savings, you will regret it. Men can be very sensitive to the feeling that their earnings aren't enough. Try to express to him that you are content and that being with him means more to you than anything else. Get him to agree to a modest monthly allowance for home improvements and you can gradually get art and upgrade furniture one at a time. |
Anonymous
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You have a marriage problem. What you want are completely understandable and reasonable. However, you don't have the means or have made wrong choices in acquiring the means to support that lifestyle. Expensive organic food, grad school loan with no real return in investment (you said you might have to work a long time to pay it off), and international travel 3 times a year? You should have majored in some other degree that makes much more money than liberal arts or marry a rich guy. Instead you have a prudent and responsible husband who understands and worries about your household finance.
So, you could 1. Divorce the guy and run your finance to the ground 2. Give in to your DH and live an unfulfilling life 3. Compromise with your DH. I suggest #3. Talk to your DH, and you might be able to do some of the things you want while staying in a good marriage. |
Anonymous
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So you want to get a masters degree “for personal fulfillment” and because it has always been a goal - not to invest in a more lucrative career path, you work contract work as an admin which you says is unstable - and you’re confused about why your DH is concerned about your finances?
Get a stable job. It doesn’t have to be an admin, you have a bachelors degree and presumably some skill set to being to the table - just GET A BETTER JOB. Then SAVE for what you want - save up the cash for a trip, save up the cash for furniture. Maybe then you’ll realize the value of a dollar and how long it takes to save for these things. And hold off for a while in kids - because you may find you can’t eat all organic while paying for childcare or down to one income, and there’s no money for frivolous purchases like travel or furnishings that aren’t directly related to the kid. |
Anonymous
| OP, you said your income is unstable. Of COURSE your DH wants to pinch pennies. Who's to say what you'll bring in next week, next month, or next year? And I don't blame him for not wanting you to take on student loan debt -- UNLESS you agree to NEVER be a stay at home parent. His fears seem valid to me. |
Anonymous
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Team DH
You don't contribute equitably and want to spend his money in a way that he doesn't agree with You seem to spend your income on you and he spends his income on the shared costs You don't care about the emotional burden you place him under by wanting to go more into debt and spend more as it seems his job is carrying the household You seem disconnected from reality - and just want someone to pay for your wants and are annoyed DH doesn't' see himself as your sugar daddy |
Anonymous
| Your DH has a wife problem |