My friend giving me cold shoulder after getting cogat back

[Anonymous]

I always give the cold shoulder after comparing CoGat scores. If my child isn't the best, we can't be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's really immature if true. FWIW, my child just bombed the COGAT, well not bombed but below the cut-off. Two of my friends' children (friends of DS) have scored very well. I congratulated the moms and they commiserated with me. In no way did that affect my feelings toward them or their kids. Good for them.

You’re not evolved. You’re all a little off for discussing scores.

We are not Americans and our concept of friendship differs from yours.

How can that be? My concept is you don’t talk specifics about things that could be hurtful to others. Example: being in pool, being invited to a party, etc. Your friend seems to agree with me. Who is the “ours?”

Very easily, that's how. My mom friends and I chatted about our children's scores. It's not hurtful. If their kids scored better, good for them! It's not their fault my kid is a space cadet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's really immature if true. FWIW, my child just bombed the COGAT, well not bombed but below the cut-off. Two of my friends' children (friends of DS) have scored very well. I congratulated the moms and they commiserated with me. In no way did that affect my feelings toward them or their kids. Good for them.

You’re not evolved. You’re all a little off for discussing scores.

We are not Americans and our concept of friendship differs from yours.

How can that be? My concept is you don’t talk specifics about things that could be hurtful to others. Example: being in pool, being invited to a party, etc. Your friend seems to agree with me. Who is the “ours?”

Very easily, that's how. My mom friends and I chatted about our children's scores. It's not hurtful. If their kids scored better, good for them! It's not their fault my kid is a space cadet.

I assume this is OP posting above.

You are asking about essentially your closest mom friend. You said, “I excitedly texted her that my child was in pool. She said her child did not do well on the test.” This wasn’t some chit chat about your kids’ scores. You seemed to get you did something wrong when your originally posted, asking if you should apologize. You now seem indignant. And, I would not share with your pals what a space cadet your kid is - since your kid made it in the pool and hers didn’t. It will insult her even more, though I’m not sure you care.

[Anonymous]

The relationship between the kids is -essentially- over. They, going forward, at least until high school will NEVER again be in class together. They will pass in the hall. Might have music together, or some other minor experience. One WILL BE known as being in the "smart class"from now until 9th grade. Or, the kid moves to an entirely different school. Friendship over.

It's the end of relationships that existed before. It just is. The other Mother probably knows this better than you Op. She will, and should, be focusing on friendships for her son with students who *will* be in his class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's really immature if true. FWIW, my child just bombed the COGAT, well not bombed but below the cut-off. Two of my friends' children (friends of DS) have scored very well. I congratulated the moms and they commiserated with me. In no way did that affect my feelings toward them or their kids. Good for them.

You’re not evolved. You’re all a little off for discussing scores.

We are not Americans and our concept of friendship differs from yours.

How can that be? My concept is you don’t talk specifics about things that could be hurtful to others. Example: being in pool, being invited to a party, etc. Your friend seems to agree with me. Who is the “ours?”

Very easily, that's how. My mom friends and I chatted about our children's scores. It's not hurtful. If their kids scored better, good for them! It's not their fault my kid is a space cadet.

I assume this is OP posting above.

You are asking about essentially your closest mom friend. You said, “I excitedly texted her that my child was in pool. She said her child did not do well on the test.” This wasn’t some chit chat about your kids’ scores. You seemed to get you did something wrong when your originally posted, asking if you should apologize. You now seem indignant. And, I would not share with your pals what a space cadet your kid is - since your kid made it in the pool and hers didn’t. It will insult her even more, though I’m not sure you care.

This is OP. Previous posts were not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those who think they have been treated different probably haven't realized how they have come across - like nothing has changed, when everything has changed.

Everything has changed??? Wtf...they are test scores that may determine whether or not one or both of their DCs get into an academic program not MRI results that will help determine whether or not one or both of their DCs has brain cancer.

Get some freaking perspective ffs!

[Anonymous]

oh, you don't know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's really immature if true. FWIW, my child just bombed the COGAT, well not bombed but below the cut-off. Two of my friends' children (friends of DS) have scored very well. I congratulated the moms and they commiserated with me. In no way did that affect my feelings toward them or their kids. Good for them.

You’re not evolved. You’re all a little off for discussing scores.

We are not Americans and our concept of friendship differs from yours.

How can that be? My concept is you don’t talk specifics about things that could be hurtful to others. Example: being in pool, being invited to a party, etc. Your friend seems to agree with me. Who is the “ours?”

Very easily, that's how. My mom friends and I chatted about our children's scores. It's not hurtful. If their kids scored better, good for them! It's not their fault my kid is a space cadet.

I assume this is OP posting above.

You are asking about essentially your closest mom friend. You said, “I excitedly texted her that my child was in pool. She said her child did not do well on the test.” This wasn’t some chit chat about your kids’ scores. You seemed to get you did something wrong when your originally posted, asking if you should apologize. You now seem indignant. And, I would not share with your pals what a space cadet your kid is - since your kid made it in the pool and hers didn’t. It will insult her even more, though I’m not sure you care.

No, I'm not OP. A different poster. I chimed in with my example of a kid who didn't make it into the pool while his two close friends (whose moms are my friends) did, and it made absolutely no difference to how I feel about the moms or the kids. I don't think this should matter into kid or adult friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The relationship between the kids is -essentially- over. They, going forward, at least until high school will NEVER again be in class together. They will pass in the hall. Might have music together, or some other minor experience. One WILL BE known as being in the "smart class"from now until 9th grade. Or, the kid moves to an entirely different school. Friendship over.

It's the end of relationships that existed before. It just is. The other Mother probably knows this better than you Op. She will, and should, be focusing on friendships for her son with students who *will* be in his class.

What? Can you get more dramatic than that?

Look, my second grader's closest friends are NOT in school with him. One is a grade above and in AAP. One is the same grade in a different school and has made it to AAP. My son didn't score well on the COGAT. This will not affect his friendships one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you text her the score? That is really inappropriate and weird.

You’d be surprised how many people around here think it is okay to discuss their children’s grades and test scores with others.

I grew up in a culture that really discourages any sort of bragging. It was a totally new experience to move to this area and come in contact with so many people who openly brag about their children’s grades and scores and ask other parents to share in return. It’s very off-putting, especially when it is the opposite of what you were always taught is appropriate.

It used to be considered poor taste to brag in the traditional American culture, as well. (Did you hear the stories about George H.W. Bush and his mother? He had a hard time touting his own accomplishments because his mother had taught him that blowing your own horn is wrong.)

I don't think this is an ethnic thing as much as a cultural shift of some other sort. Helicopter parenting also used to be unknown. Social media may have something to do with it, as well.

To be fair, most of the people I’ve run into who share their children’s test scores with others are from other countries. The born in the US people I’ve run into tend to be more reserved about sharing test scores, which is more similar to the culture I grew up in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The relationship between the kids is -essentially- over. They, going forward, at least until high school will NEVER again be in class together. They will pass in the hall. Might have music together, or some other minor experience. One WILL BE known as being in the "smart class"from now until 9th grade. Or, the kid moves to an entirely different school. Friendship over.

It's the end of relationships that existed before. It just is. The other Mother probably knows this better than you Op. She will, and should, be focusing on friendships for her son with students who *will* be in his class.

You forgot to mention that the not-in-pool child will be pulled from all extracurriculars where they might encounter the mighty AAP crowd and will have to hide in their home in shame rather than playing with the neighborhood kids.

[Anonymous]

My oldest did okay on the COGAT. Average. Gen ed student in grade school. Now in high school. We worked with her over the summer before starting MS and moved her a year ahead on math starting in seventh grade, so she ended up with the AAP-track kids with an all-honors course load, anyway.

It all evens out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The relationship between the kids is -essentially- over. They, going forward, at least until high school will NEVER again be in class together. They will pass in the hall. Might have music together, or some other minor experience. One WILL BE known as being in the "smart class"from now until 9th grade. Or, the kid moves to an entirely different school. Friendship over.

It's the end of relationships that existed before. It just is. The other Mother probably knows this better than you Op. She will, and should, be focusing on friendships for her son with students who *will* be in his class.

What? Can you get more dramatic than that?

Look, my second grader's closest friends are NOT in school with him. One is a grade above and in AAP. One is the same grade in a different school and has made it to AAP. My son didn't score well on the COGAT. This will not affect his friendships one bit.

Oh, good, I thought I was the only person who allows my child to associate with people not in their classes at school. Had no idea I was supposed to shun the kids in other classes, including the ones they've played soccer or been in scouts with since kindergarten.

If your kid associates with no one except the children in their own classes and cannot maintain friendships with people outside of school, then I think you have failed as a parent in the socialization department and may need an empathy chip replacement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest did okay on the COGAT. Average. Gen ed student in grade school. Now in high school. We worked with her over the summer before starting MS and moved her a year ahead on math starting in seventh grade, so she ended up with the AAP-track kids with an all-honors course load, anyway.

It all evens out in the end.

Bless you, finally, someone on DCUM who is well-adjusted and reasonable.

[Anonymous]

It’s so incredibly weird to know that people discuss their children’s personal and academic lives with their friends. I’m a mother of two—never looked to friends for validationn, advice, etc. regarding my children. Those conversations should be reserved for your spouse, educators, doctors, coaches, and possibly close family members.