My friend giving me cold shoulder after getting cogat back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest did okay on the COGAT. Average. Gen ed student in grade school. Now in high school. We worked with her over the summer before starting MS and moved her a year ahead on math starting in seventh grade, so she ended up with the AAP-track kids with an all-honors course load, anyway.

It all evens out in the end.

Bless you, finally, someone on DCUM who is well-adjusted and reasonable.

What? She worked with this kid over the summer.

Yes, a nice change from the GET INTO AAP IN 3RD GRADE OR DIE PENNILESS IN A DITCH MY SNOWFLAKE GOT A 412 ON THE COGAT IS THAT ENOUGH WEEKEND PREP SCHOOL 4EVAH bullshit that is all over this forum. The idea that kids' academic futures are wrecked based on their test performance in second grade is absurd.

It is absurd that she made sure her kid took either Math 7 honors or algebra in 7th grade is ridiculous. WHat it means is that she was CERTAIN her kid would be on an advanced math track, despite not being on it on her own nor assessed by the school to be on it. What kid wants to do that all summer?

I mean, outing myself as a nerd, but I did that voluntarily as a kid, so I guess it doesn't seem that weird? I did summer school to skip a full year of geometry in HS, too, so I could fit in a fine arts elective that I preferred. I had to talk my mom into both but ultimately prevailed. The middle school math jump really did not take up that much of my summer either, and I'm not naturally mathematically inclined.

Also, since when is taking a grade-level honors class is weird? Man, school has changed since I was in it. The beauty of middle school was that the kids that didn't qualify for the advanced track in our elementary school system (not an FCPS alum) was that the people who had an aptitude for a subject but not all of them could place into the appropriate subject-matter class. There was much better diversity in my middle and high school classes than elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest did okay on the COGAT. Average. Gen ed student in grade school. Now in high school. We worked with her over the summer before starting MS and moved her a year ahead on math starting in seventh grade, so she ended up with the AAP-track kids with an all-honors course load, anyway.

It all evens out in the end.

Bless you, finally, someone on DCUM who is well-adjusted and reasonable.

What? She worked with this kid over the summer.

Yes, a nice change from the GET INTO AAP IN 3RD GRADE OR DIE PENNILESS IN A DITCH MY SNOWFLAKE GOT A 412 ON THE COGAT IS THAT ENOUGH WEEKEND PREP SCHOOL 4EVAH bullshit that is all over this forum. The idea that kids' academic futures are wrecked based on their test performance in second grade is absurd.

It is absurd that she made sure her kid took either Math 7 honors or algebra in 7th grade is ridiculous. WHat it means is that she was CERTAIN her kid would be on an advanced math track, despite not being on it on her own nor assessed by the school to be on it. What kid wants to do that all summer?

I mean, outing myself as a nerd, but I did that voluntarily as a kid, so I guess it doesn't seem that weird? I did summer school to skip a full year of geometry in HS, too, so I could fit in a fine arts elective that I preferred. I had to talk my mom into both but ultimately prevailed. The middle school math jump really did not take up that much of my summer either, and I'm not naturally mathematically inclined.

Also, since when is taking a grade-level honors class is weird? Man, school has changed since I was in it. The beauty of middle school was that the kids that didn't qualify for the advanced track in our elementary school system (not an FCPS alum) was that the people who had an aptitude for a subject but not all of them could place into the appropriate subject-matter class. There was much better diversity in my middle and high school classes than elementary school.

Classic - I knew someone was going to respond like this. This isn’t a case of a kid’s self-driven desire to work on math. This is a oarent’s Desire to have a kid work during the summer to ensure the kid’s math level goes up by the time school starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She needs a little time to get over it. Leave her alone for now and be friendly but don't talk about AAP with her.

In our culture, we do talk about these things. We all enjoy it....except when it turns someone off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She needs a little time to get over it. Leave her alone for now and be friendly but don't talk about AAP with her.

In our culture, we do talk about these things. We all enjoy it....except when it turns someone off.

PP you responded to - I know, I enjoy talking about these things too, but you've got to use a little common sense here. It's a little grieving moment for this mother. Surely OP can understand and respect that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We both have second graders. Her child is better behaved and always seemed smarter than my child. I gave my child a practice test and be totally bombed it so I did not expect him to do well and get in pool. I excitedly texted her that my child was in pool. She said her child did not do well on the test. We are very good friends, probably my closest mom friend. She has totally blown me off over the holidays.

Did I do wrong by being excited for my child?
Should I apologize?

I know she expected her child to do well. I was not expecting my child to be in pool.

Her child "seemed smarter", [past tense] but now that the cogats are in, you both know that your child is smarter? OP, maybe you did nothing wrong, and the other mom is just jealous or was busy with things unrelated to you. But maybe you one way or another conveyed that you now think your child is a superior specimen compared with hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We both have second graders. Her child is better behaved and always seemed smarter than my child. I gave my child a practice test and be totally bombed it so I did not expect him to do well and get in pool. I excitedly texted her that my child was in pool. She said her child did not do well on the test. We are very good friends, probably my closest mom friend. She has totally blown me off over the holidays.

Did I do wrong by being excited for my child?
Should I apologize?

I know she expected her child to do well. I was not expecting my child to be in pool.

Her child "seemed smarter", [past tense] but now that the cogats are in, you both know that your child is smarter? OP, maybe you did nothing wrong, and the other mom is just jealous or was busy with things unrelated to you. But maybe you one way or another conveyed that you now think your child is a superior specimen compared with hers.

It was a one line text that my son was in pool. Don’t think I conveyed anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My oldest did okay on the COGAT. Average. Gen ed student in grade school. Now in high school. We worked with her over the summer before starting MS and moved her a year ahead on math starting in seventh grade, so she ended up with the AAP-track kids with an all-honors course load, anyway.

It all evens out in the end.

Bless you, finally, someone on DCUM who is well-adjusted and reasonable.

What? She worked with this kid over the summer.

Yes, a nice change from the GET INTO AAP IN 3RD GRADE OR DIE PENNILESS IN A DITCH MY SNOWFLAKE GOT A 412 ON THE COGAT IS THAT ENOUGH WEEKEND PREP SCHOOL 4EVAH bullshit that is all over this forum. The idea that kids' academic futures are wrecked based on their test performance in second grade is absurd.

It is absurd that she made sure her kid took either Math 7 honors or algebra in 7th grade is ridiculous. WHat it means is that she was CERTAIN her kid would be on an advanced math track, despite not being on it on her own nor assessed by the school to be on it. What kid wants to do that all summer?

Time will come to do what the kid wants, but MS isn't it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so incredibly weird to know that people discuss their children’s personal and academic lives with their friends. I’m a mother of two—never looked to friends for validationn, advice, etc. regarding my children. Those conversations should be reserved for your spouse, educators, doctors, coaches, and possibly close family members.

You forgot to add "in my opinion." Adults can decide independently what they should share and with whom.

+1 And its up to the receiver of the info if they will get indigestion by making the mistake of taking it personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so incredibly weird to know that people discuss their children’s personal and academic lives with their friends. I’m a mother of two—never looked to friends for validationn, advice, etc. regarding my children. Those conversations should be reserved for your spouse, educators, doctors, coaches, and possibly close family members.

You forgot to add "in my opinion." Adults can decide independently what they should share and with whom.

It is unusual and generally considered inappropriate in US culture.

So true. And even weirder still is that in the exact same US culture, it is not only acceptable, but expected for one to brag on a kid who makes the travel team of XYZ sport, is chosen as MVP of his Little League, or who hold's the fastest time on her swim team. Superior ATHLETIC ability and performance is to be revered and praised from the rooftops. It's just the ACADEMIC talent/ability that must be hidden and only spoken about among family in whispers as though we should all be ashamed of making another child feel inferior or "less than"... Strange cultural norm.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so incredibly weird to know that people discuss their children’s personal and academic lives with their friends. I’m a mother of two—never looked to friends for validationn, advice, etc. regarding my children. Those conversations should be reserved for your spouse, educators, doctors, coaches, and possibly close family members.

You forgot to add "in my opinion." Adults can decide independently what they should share and with whom.

It is unusual and generally considered inappropriate in US culture.

So true. And even weirder still is that in the exact same US culture, it is not only acceptable, but expected for one to brag on a kid who makes the travel team of XYZ sport, is chosen as MVP of his Little League, or who hold's the fastest time on her swim team. Superior ATHLETIC ability and performance is to be revered and praised from the rooftops. It's just the ACADEMIC talent/ability that must be hidden and only spoken about among family in whispers as though we should all be ashamed of making another child feel inferior or "less than"... Strange cultural norm.

Don't know who you hang out with, but the parents I know don't brag about these things. Talking about where kids are going after school and on the weekends is not the same as talking about children's grades and scores, which is an invasion of the child's privacy.

Being on a team is pretty public because games and practices take place in public places. Grades and scores, on the other hand, are considered private information. FCPS doesn't publicly release grades and test scores because they protect the privacy of the children whose scores they are.

Bear in mind that in athletic pursuits, losses are just as public as successes. Privacy in academics means that low scores and grades are protected from public view, unlike in sports where your win-loss record is available for all to see.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She needs a little time to get over it. Leave her alone for now and be friendly but don't talk about AAP with her.

In our culture, we do talk about these things. We all enjoy it....except when it turns someone off.

PP you responded to - I know, I enjoy talking about these things too, but you've got to use a little common sense here. It's a little grieving moment for this mother. Surely OP can understand and respect that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so incredibly weird to know that people discuss their children’s personal and academic lives with their friends. I’m a mother of two—never looked to friends for validationn, advice, etc. regarding my children. Those conversations should be reserved for your spouse, educators, doctors, coaches, and possibly close family members.

You forgot to add "in my opinion." Adults can decide independently what they should share and with whom.

It is unusual and generally considered inappropriate in US culture.

I don't care - since I'm an immigrant and so are most of my mom friends, and children of immigrant families account for not an insignificant proportion of the AAP contingent.

This made me laugh- rude, but a takedown nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

All of you saying AAP ought to be private information and not discussed are being very naive. It's a significant change. A huge change. Next year, kids will either be apart attending different schools, or they will never again be in class together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you saying AAP ought to be private information and not discussed are being very naive. It's a significant change. A huge change. Next year, kids will either be apart attending different schools, or they will never again be in class together.

We were discussing OP excitedly texting her friend that her son was in the pool and whether that was appropriate. Keep up.

[Anonymous]

I have a 2nd grader and older child. It’s odd OP shared that her child was in the pool. No one I know has ever discussed this, nor have we compared our children’s grades/scores. The only place I discuss AAP is anonymously on here.