In laws won't help with DD, am I wrong to be mad at her?

[Anonymous]

Wow. There is a LOT to unpack here.
1. You say you know your MIL doesn't owe you anything yet are angry she cannot accommodate your demand
2. Babysitting is not a reflection of her love.
3. You have one plan for childcare - grandparents. That's not a plan.
4. You say your DD hasn't 'warmed up' to your MIL because she hasn't been around enough. How is she any different than a daycare provider?
5. Separation anxiety is extremely common. It is not a reason to forgo daycare. You need a transition plan.
6. It is absolutely wrong of you to compare your mother's ability to care for YOUR child with your MIL's ability to do so.
7. You owe your MIL a huge apology
8. For your DD's sake - and any other children you may have - you need to stop conflating 'love' with how much someone complies with your demands.

[Anonymous]

I’m all for family helping and independence being overrated unlike most of DCUM but even with that said your MIL does not owe you childcare. It’s better that she realized her abilities now and backed out before starting. A toddler is exhausting and it would change you relationship with her as well and she may not want that.
You had tthe kid so you have to figure out care options. It’s wonderful of your mom to have stepped in and provided care but now it’s time for something else.

[Anonymous]

OP is not real. Resist the temptation to continue the nonsense.

[Anonymous]

LOLOLOLOL OP........

Come on you entitled B.

[Anonymous]

You have no right to expect childcare from your in-laws.

Your MIL did her bit raising your spouse, and she did a good enough job that you married this person. She deserves to enjoy her golden years on her terms. You will feel the same way someday.

You are the parent in charge of your own child. It's time to grow up and stop holding grudges for things you cannot rightly expect from others.

[Anonymous]

OP, you take the DCUM entitlement cake.

[Anonymous]

Omg three days a week is exhausting for childcare especially for an older person.

[Anonymous]

Being somewhat dissapointed for a fraction of a second would be normal imho - and then moving on and being mad at yourself and dh for not having a plan b. These kind of things should have been discussed and seen to during pregnancy.
I think it is very good of your MIL to ackknowledge that it would be too much for her and for speaking up. She obviously has very good judgment and common sense of how demanding it is to take care of a child that age. I wish my MIL would speak up to my BIL who expects her to fly in for every freaking holiday to take care of his 4 kids because BIL and his wife want to have many kids, both work full-time but do not want their kids to be in the care of anyone who isn‘t family! My MIL has serious health problems but she has only opened up to me about how she feels. Kids can have a very special realtionship to visiting grandparents. My dd has and whenever my elderly and frail parents or ILs came, I made sure to only share the cream. When dd reaches school age I will still be glad for the opportunity to have her stay with them!

[Anonymous]

So let me get this straight - MIL agreed and then changed her mind the very next day and now you’re ‘scrambling for child care??’
You sure are a piece of work!!

Since your mother came here to be your live-in help here for months I’d say that your parents must have raised you wrong.
You are an entitled, pushy nit wit!

Get off your rear and either hire a nanny or find a day care center for your child.

And then invite your MIL and FIL for Sunday supper - every week. And yes - you make it!

PS I love how your title says that you are mad at your in-laws and then you light into your MIL only..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you take the DCUM entitlement cake.

It’s one of those huge tiered cakes that a person pops out of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So let me get this straight - MIL agreed and then changed her mind the very next day and now you’re ‘scrambling for child care??’
You sure are a piece of work!!

Since your mother came here to be your live-in help here for months I’d say that your parents must have raised you wrong.
You are an entitled, pushy nit wit!

Get off your rear and either hire a nanny or find a day care center for your child.

And then invite your MIL and FIL for Sunday supper - every week. And yes - you make it!

PS I love how your title says that you are mad at your in-laws and then you light into your MIL only..

You’re going to need to be able to afford a nanny or find a day care where the baby fits. Or, you quit your job or you and your DH get jobs where you can split care between you. These are your options.

[Anonymous]

My dad had the same separation anxiety- it stops 15 minutes after you leave. She’s going to benefit from daycare - will learn verbal and motor skills, social and sharing situations, extras like dance/art/park outings that a nanny or MIL can’t offer.
This is a silver lining for your child- re-enrol in an awesome day care center- not a single person facility run from a home.

[Anonymous]

My mother helps to take care of my DS 5 days a week since he is newborn till he is 2.5 years old, so that I & DH can work without any worries. My currently 3 year old DS loves his grandma so much, and he once in a while does weekend sleepover at grandparent's house. DS is the only grandchild to my parents.

In opposite, MIL never takes care of DS for even 1 hour, and even she lives local. DS is not the only grandchild to MIL, she helps take care of niece (DH's brother's daughter) since newborn 5 days a week till she is 2 year old. Our DS was born first, and SIL's parents are both local & retired as well. To DS, MIL is just another stranger, so they are not close at all.

Am I upset about MIL's behavior? Yes, but I would never want MIL to take care of DS because I honestly do not trust her at all. She does not treat 2 grandchildren equally, and I know that I & DS will never be close to her at all. I am just happy that my parents love him so much.

So, OP, just be it, find other options, try to find a lovely daycare that your DD can adjust better. My DS, under my mother's care for 2.5 years, has no problem adjusting to daycare on his first day. He loves it so much that he only cries for 1 min at dropoff that's it, and wants to go again next day. Of course, the daycare we pick comes with a big price, it is really fun & play-based, full of program and playground area. I was astonished that he adjusts so quickly without much separation anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you even asked MIL to do this in the first place. This is the kind of thing that you consider after someone offers. You're not in a pinch, your child will be fine at daycare and get over it.

[Anonymous]

I think your expectations are messed up by the above & beyond your mom gave. Your mom moved 7 hours away to help for several months, and you asked her to stay longer? Is she married? Have a home?

You have had time to explore other options. A lack of planning on your part, does not mean an obligation on MIL's part. MIL may be concerned it might not be temporary. You have had a great deal of help so far. Be thankful for that.