In laws won't help with DD, am I wrong to be mad at her?

[Anonymous]

So since my 15 month DD was born, my mom paused her life and moved in with us to help us watch DD. She is retired and lives about 7 hours away. She has been such a tremendous help. My MIL however, even though she is local probably sees the baby once or twice a month. My DD takes a very long time to warm up to people and still hasn't warm up to my MIL due to not seeing her very often.

Anyways, my mom now has to return home and we need to look for another childcare option. Since my MIL's work has been very slow, she's getting 3 days off a week. We asked if she'll be willing to watch DD for those three days for about 3 to 4 months until her work is busy again. At first, she agreed and we were so happy to find a temporary solution. However the very next day she changed her mind and told us she cannot watch her anymore because she wants to rest the 3 days and watching our toddler will be too tiring for her. I am very upset that we are now scrambling to find another option.

We tried daycare before but DD did not do well at all. She has really bad separation anxiety and just cried the whole time there. We had to pull her out and asked my mom to stay a little longer. We also cannot afford a nanny. Knowing this and my MIL refusal to help is really upsetting me. I feel like she must not care about or love my DD enough. I know she doesnt owe me anything. But seeing how much my mom has helped us vs. Mil's unwillingness to help really make me see her in a different light and this will forever change my relationship with her. Do I have the right to be upset or should I just let it go? Thanks for listening to my rant.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're going to get slammed. You have no right to be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're going to get slammed. You have no right to be upset.

This, you need to find a day care. That is asking a lot. One day a week, ok but that is absurd if she is not offering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're going to get slammed. You have no right to be upset.

+1000

[Anonymous]

This is your child, no one else is responsible for providing care for her. Your MIL is working four days a week and you expect her to use the other three days each week providing child care for a toddler? She may well be too old to be effectively workng 7 days a week. Sounds like you took advantage of your Mom and now are moving in on MIL. You sound very immature, still expecting your parents to take care of your problems and your child. You need to find a nanny or daycare you are comfortable with, or stop working yourself. This isn’t your MILs responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're going to get slammed. You have no right to be upset.

+1000

+1

[Anonymous]

Clearly it is DILs that are the problem on dcum. No matter how you slice it, so many DILs posting here are just wrong.

[Anonymous]

Also, it is not her kid, it is your kid. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

You have absolutely no reason to be upset. Taking care of a toddler full time is exhausting when you're young, much less MIL's age.

[Anonymous]

What the heck was your plan for the baby? She raised her children. She doesn’t have to raise yours. You took massive advantage of your mother, now you are mad because you can’t do the same with your MIL. If you “can not afford daycare” then one of you needs to quit your job and go even more into debt.

Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

This is 100% your child, your responsibility. Like others have said she has raised her kids, her time is done. This is your time. This is your responsibility. If you don't want the responsibility don't have any more children.

[Anonymous]

You Canberra be disappointed, but not mad.

No one owes you child care.

I wonder why you think twice a month isn't a lot. It is plenty, especially for a MIL who isnt much liked.

[Anonymous]

Your DD is older now and may have SES separation anxiety. My children were in daycare from 5months onward and around the 9-12 month age developed it too. It wasn’t daycare, it was the age. Your DD may do better now. Otherwise, try to find a nanny share or home care situation.

Can you and your DH stagger your work hours enough to make the daycare hours smaller at first? Who did the drop off and who did the pickup when you tried daycare the first time? How long was she there before you pulled her out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is older now and may have SES separation anxiety. My children were in daycare from 5months onward and around the 9-12 month age developed it too. It wasn’t daycare, it was the age. Your DD may do better now. Otherwise, try to find a nanny share or home care situation.

Can you and your DH stagger your work hours enough to make the daycare hours smaller at first? Who did the drop off and who did the pickup when you tried daycare the first time? How long was she there before you pulled her out?

NOT - is SES. I dont know how that happe. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're going to get slammed. You have no right to be upset.

+1000

+1

+2. Posted at midnight, is this even real?